[roadkill]

Originally Posted by roadkill

today draws to a close in the most stressful of times...my words have not be smart all day...plans made in my head have not been fulfilled...when will i realize that i am not in control of this outside world...when will i open my mouth more than to just insert a foot...i have made many mistakes today...but i know that there was some time spent that i will always be grateful for....when i was allowed to just be me...laugh at just being silly...like a child once more...then reality sets in and i realize that my words could hurt and not mean to...i am so beside myself that i may have hurt those closest to me...i can only pray to my God that the hearts i have hurt can forgive me...i try to understand a world that i feel i do not belong...the tears that i may have caused sink deep into my soul as i try to apologize...will i be given that second chance to make things right or have i hurt their heart so bad that they can not give me that chance...my tears flow freely as i try to find my words all jumbled inside of my head like like lottery numbers in the machine...twirling and spinning out of control...will the angel appear tonight to allow my mind to rest or is this her way of saying tonight you will ponder your mistakes and think hard what i have done to another human soul...i guess time will tell...tonight i ponder on a day that does not truly close

well it appears my mind will not slow enough to give me rest..so here i am once more...trying to find comfort in a mind that is racing out of control...i see the events of the day repeating themselves like a bad commercial on the television...is what i am seeing the truth or some force that is trying to invade my serenity...sometimes things are not as they first appear but then what appears to be seen as an invading force is shown to be truths...is what i see the reality of such a world that would decieve even the keenest of minds or is it that my mind has been so programmed to want to not see the obvious...when the mind and heart are on a different page...this is when i become the most confused...i reckon that one day i will find that perfect place where the heart and mind will meet on the same page... i see the artists brush stroking the canvas but no picture appears...there are no brilliant colors left behind after the brush leaves the canvas...only the dull gray color of the canvas itself...a figure appears in front of me ...no face does it have ...i ask where are all those colors that i once seen?...who has stolen them from my mind?...there is no voice...no jesture...just a blank faceless figure appearing before me...as if some force has wiped the canvas clean...like chalk on a blackboard...it only remains as long as it is allowed to stay...i guess my time here has reached its final stages and the colors no longer vibrant ...have now become shades of gray... will the artist who put these colors to the canvas be able to revitalize them or are they gone forever...perhaps the artist has wished for them to be erased from a memory that was once so full of thought and recollection of what was once young and free....has now become captive to its own demise of a time spent in the dark...they say time heals all wounds but what heals the scars...they are a constant reminder of what once was...why wont my mind slow to give me rest...what is the lesson that i am being taught... i ask the faceless figure to give me answers...it just remains steadfast in its place... i look skyward for a single star...any sign of light...my eyes strain against the darkness and away off in the far distance i see a tiny speck slowly twinkling... i smile and the faceless figure slowly fades into the darkness...