[mountainlion20032003]

* Old telephone books make ideal personal address books.
Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know.

* Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car
phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to
your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and
mounting the curb.

* Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers
turned to fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked illegally.

* No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and
remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.

* Apply red nail polish to your nails before clipping them.
The red nails will be much easier to spot on your bathroom
carpet. (Unless you have a red carpet, in which case a
contrasting polish should be selected).