For the longest time I didn't wear no underwear. It used to drive my boyfriend Ernie absolutely batty, that I didn't wear no underwear. One day I caught a terrible cold, Ernie said to me, "Soph, you've got to go see the doctor." I said, "All right, make an appointment for me." So he rang up the doctor, but unbeknownst to me this is what he told the doctor: "Doc, I'm sending Soph over. She's got a terrible cold, but that ain't the problem. The problem is she don't wear no underwear. That's the reason she got this cold, is on account she don't wear no underwear--got that?" "Right oh," said the doctor. So I, like a schmuck, trot on down to the doctor's office. Doctor says, "Soph, open up your mouth and say 'ahh'". I opened my mouth I said 'ahh'. He looked down my throat and said, "Soph, you ain't wearing no underwear." I said, "I beg your pardon, doctor." He said to me, "Soph you ain't wearing no underwear." I said, "Doc, you can look down my throat and see I ain't wearing no underwear?" He said, "That's right Soph." I said to him, "Doc, do me a favor, look up my ass and tell me if my hat's on straight!"
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