Advice to Men
1. The reason our bras don’t always match our underwear is because we actually change our underwear.
Don't you change your bras?
2. The next time you and your buddies joke about armed women in combat, take a poll to see which of you successfully aim at the toilet bowl.
Okay. You know that you'll be cleaning up after the contest's over. 
3. If we’re watching football with you, it’s not bonding. We’re watching because of the cute butts.
And when we take you to chick flicks, we're checking out the ass on the leading lady.
4. Don’t fret if you find out that the milkman delivers more than once a day.
As long as you realize we probably have some lady who "delivers" as well.
5. Please don’t drive when you’re not driving.
Please keep your head in my lap when I am.
6. Lay off the beans several hours before bedtime.
Mutual disarmament!
7. Our bedtime headaches are inversely proportional to the number of baths that you take.
True story: Recent studies have shown that semen helps do away with migraines in women.
8. If only women gossip, how do you and your buddies keep track of "Who’s easy?"
Usually they come by our table as we're talking and say "Which one of you boys wants to buy a girl a drink?"
9. Stop telling us that most male strippers are gay. We dont' care.
Stop asking us why we like to watch hot girls kissing each other!
10. Your contributions to your child should go above and beyond that chromosome you unselfishly sacrificed.
And your contribution should be more than "Uh-oh. I wonder if I remembered to take my pill last night?"
11. Eye contact is best established above our shoulder level.
Why? Who wants to look at your eyes??