Gift Wrapping Tips for Men:

[Wiremaster]

This is the time of year when we think back to the very first Christmas, when the Three Wise Men -- Gaspar, Balthazar, and Herb -- went to see the baby Jesus and, according to the Book of Matthew, "presented unto Him gifts; gold, frankincense, and myrrh."

These are simple words, but if we analyze them carefully, we discover an important, yet often overlooked, theological fact: there is no mention of wrapping paper.

If there had been wrapping paper, Matthew would have said so: "And lo, the gifts were inside 600 square cubits of paper. And the paper was festooned with pictures of Frosty the Snowman. And Joseph was going to throweth it away, but Mary saideth unto him, she saideth, 'Holdeth it! That is nice paper! Saveth it for next year!' And Joseph did rolleth
his eyeballs. And the baby Jesus was more interested in the paper than the frankincense."

But these words do not appear in the Bible, which means that the very first Christmas gifts were NOT wrapped. This is because the people giving those gifts had two important characteristics:

1. They were wise.
2. They were men.

Men are not big gift wrappers. Men do not understand the point of putting paper on a gift just so somebody else can tear it off. This is not just my opinion, this is a scientific fact based on a statistical survey of two guys I know. One is Rob, who said the only time he ever wraps a gift is "if it's such a poor gift that I don't want to be there when the person opens it." The other is Gene, who told me he does wrap gifts, but as a matter of principle never takes more than 15 seconds per gift. "No one ever had to wonder which presents daddy wrapped at Christmas," Gene said. "They were the ones that looked like enormous spitballs."

I also wrap gifts, but because of some defect in my motor skills, I can never completely wrap them. I can take a gift the size of a deck of cards and put it the exact center of a piece of wrapping paper the size of a regulation volleyball court, but when I am done folding and taping, you can still see a sector of the gift peeking out. (Sometimes I camouflage this sector with a marking pen.) If I had been an ancient Egyptian in the field of mummies, the lower half of the Pharaoh's body would be covered only by Scotch tape.

On the other hand, if you give my wife a 12-inch square of wrapping paper, she can wrap a C-130 cargo plane. My wife, like many women, actually likes wrapping things. If she gives you a gift that requires batteries, she wraps the batteries separately, which to me is very close to being a symptom of mental illness. If it were possible, my wife
would wrap each individual volt.

My point is that gift-wrapping is one of those skills like having babies that come more naturally to women than to men.
That is why today I am presenting:

Gift Wrapping Tips for Men:

* Whenever possible, buy gifts that are already wrapped. If, when the recipient opens the gift, neither one of you recognizes it, you can claim that it's myrrh.

* The editors of Woman's Day magazine recently ran an item on how to make your own wrapping paper by printing a design on it with an apple sliced in half horizontally and dipped in a mixture of food coloring and liquid starch. They must be smoking crack. If you're giving a hard-to-wrap gift, skip the wrapping paper! Just put it inside a bag and stick one of those little adhesive bows on it. This creates a festive visual effect that is sure to delight the lucky recipient on Christmas morning:

YOUR WIFE: Why is there a Hefty trash bag under the tree?
YOU: It's a gift! See? It has a bow!
YOUR WIFE (peering into the trash bag): It's a leaf blower.
YOU: Gas-powered! Five horsepower!
YOUR WIFE: I want a divorce.
YOU: Humm... can I keep the leaf blower then?

In conclusion, remember that the important thing is not what you give, or how you wrap it. The important thing, during this very special time of year, is that you save the receipt.

[squirt]

alot of places have gift wrapping available lol

[Wiremaster]

Originally Posted by squirt

alot of places have gift wrapping available lol

LOL not the hardware stores LOL

[Wiremaster]

[GoldCoast]

If you are incapable of wrapping a gift, then you are probably incapable of any task that requires a bit of creativity and patience. More than likely you'd be some kind of sanctimonious boor that could care less for detail or anything else that entails a bit of intricacy that might require your attention.

In short, that would make you an inept self serving, mentally and emotionally deficient waste of human existence. Much less the waste of oxygen that's required to keep your self serving self alive in this sea of other self serving amoebas..

NOTE: This post is not directed at anyone in particular. If you feel offended by it, then maybe you should take a step back and reexamine your life....

[Wiremaster]

Originally Posted by GoldCoast

If you are incapable of wrapping a gift, then you are probably incapable of any task that requires a bit of creativity and patience. More than likely you'd be some kind of sanctimonious boor that could care less for detail or anything else that entails a bit of intricacy that might require your attention.

In short, that would make you an inept self serving, mentally and emotionally deficient waste of human existence. Much less the waste of oxygen that's required to keep your self serving self alive in this sea of other self serving amoebas..

NOTE: This post is not directed at anyone in particular. If you feel offended by it, then maybe you should take a step back and reexamine your life....

You might wanna lighten up on that stuff and take it for the simple joke it was intended to be, Thanks for your reply though.

Hope you all have a happy and safe day

[GoldCoast]

Originally Posted by Wiremaster

You might wanna lighten up on that stuff and take it for the simple joke it was intended to be, Thanks for your reply though.

Hope you all have a happy and safe day

It's called humour. Not my fault you don't understand it, but it is my fault for assuming you would....

[Wiremaster]

Originally Posted by GoldCoast

It's called humour. Not my fault you don't understand it, but it is my fault for assuming you would....

Oh believe me I do understand it very well and I can write like that too and have on numerous occaisions. But there are many here that can not and may take it the wrong way. Rule of thumb is Keep It Simple so that everyone might enjoy it too.
My cage doesn't get rattled by anything here on the Roo anymore. I post for the fun and to make people laugh and simple reaches a higher number of laughs than showing off how educated you are or how well you can run a string of words together. For the sake of Argument I have a degree in Engineering with minors in English and Technical Writing. All that means in simple language is I can read my DVD Owners Manual LOL

[dezired_dreams]

Originally Posted by Wiremaster

This is the time of year when we think back to the very first Christmas, when the Three Wise Men -- Gaspar, Balthazar, and Herb -- went to see the baby Jesus and, according to the Book of Matthew, "presented unto Him gifts; gold, frankincense, and myrrh."

These are simple words, but if we analyze them carefully, we discover an important, yet often overlooked, theological fact: there is no mention of wrapping paper.

If there had been wrapping paper, Matthew would have said so: "And lo, the gifts were inside 600 square cubits of paper. And the paper was festooned with pictures of Frosty the Snowman. And Joseph was going to throweth it away, but Mary saideth unto him, she saideth, 'Holdeth it! That is nice paper! Saveth it for next year!' And Joseph did rolleth
his eyeballs. And the baby Jesus was more interested in the paper than the frankincense."

But these words do not appear in the Bible, which means that the very first Christmas gifts were NOT wrapped. This is because the people giving those gifts had two important characteristics:

1. They were wise.
2. They were men.

Men are not big gift wrappers. Men do not understand the point of putting paper on a gift just so somebody else can tear it off. This is not just my opinion, this is a scientific fact based on a statistical survey of two guys I know. One is Rob, who said the only time he ever wraps a gift is "if it's such a poor gift that I don't want to be there when the person opens it." The other is Gene, who told me he does wrap gifts, but as a matter of principle never takes more than 15 seconds per gift. "No one ever had to wonder which presents daddy wrapped at Christmas," Gene said. "They were the ones that looked like enormous spitballs."

I also wrap gifts, but because of some defect in my motor skills, I can never completely wrap them. I can take a gift the size of a deck of cards and put it the exact center of a piece of wrapping paper the size of a regulation volleyball court, but when I am done folding and taping, you can still see a sector of the gift peeking out. (Sometimes I camouflage this sector with a marking pen.) If I had been an ancient Egyptian in the field of mummies, the lower half of the Pharaoh's body would be covered only by Scotch tape.

On the other hand, if you give my wife a 12-inch square of wrapping paper, she can wrap a C-130 cargo plane. My wife, like many women, actually likes wrapping things. If she gives you a gift that requires batteries, she wraps the batteries separately, which to me is very close to being a symptom of mental illness. If it were possible, my wife
would wrap each individual volt.

My point is that gift-wrapping is one of those skills like having babies that come more naturally to women than to men.
That is why today I am presenting:

Gift Wrapping Tips for Men:

* Whenever possible, buy gifts that are already wrapped. If, when the recipient opens the gift, neither one of you recognizes it, you can claim that it's myrrh.

* The editors of Woman's Day magazine recently ran an item on how to make your own wrapping paper by printing a design on it with an apple sliced in half horizontally and dipped in a mixture of food coloring and liquid starch. They must be smoking crack. If you're giving a hard-to-wrap gift, skip the wrapping paper! Just put it inside a bag and stick one of those little adhesive bows on it. This creates a festive visual effect that is sure to delight the lucky recipient on Christmas morning:

YOUR WIFE: Why is there a Hefty trash bag under the tree?
YOU: It's a gift! See? It has a bow!
YOUR WIFE (peering into the trash bag): It's a leaf blower.
YOU: Gas-powered! Five horsepower!
YOUR WIFE: I want a divorce.
YOU: Humm... can I keep the leaf blower then?

In conclusion, remember that the important thing is not what you give, or how you wrap it. The important thing, during this very special time of year, is that you save the receipt.

At least I can say you know how to wrap since you do most of the wrapping every year LOL I am so glad at time for those pretty gift bags and tissue paper as well LOL

[Wiremaster]

Originally Posted by dezired_dreams

At least I can say you know how to wrap since you do most of the wrapping every year LOL I am so glad at time for those pretty gift bags and tissue paper as well LOL

LOL learning how to wrap for International mailings on the Job was a big help on that LOL