short but sweet ... - Page 11

mmyers2548 · 08-19-2007, 11:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by squirt

Carolyn was down at the Carolina shore this weekend and was walking along the water's edge , when she came upon a man with a rather large belly who was sun bathing on the beach. Feeling a bit down on the male population at the moment, Carolyn caustically remarked, "If that belly was on a woman, I bet you would probably say she was pregnant!" The man squinted up at her a little annoyed and replied, "It was, and she is!"

====================

When I was in the fifth grade I was taught sex ed by a 65-year-old nun, which is kind of like taking barbecue lessons from a vegetarian. Either way, there's been very limited experience handling meat.

Ya see... even you know what happened to me... I was pokin for fun and she took it seriously..

**squirt** · 08-20-2007, 12:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mmyers2548

Ya see... even you know what happened to me... I was pokin for fun and she took it seriously..

lmfao ... that took me a minute lol she must not have had her man-to-woman translation book with her lol

**squirt** · 08-20-2007, 09:58 PM

A sweet little old lady surprised the young social worker that was interviewing her when she volunteered, " I do believe in sex on the first date, you know." "That's pretty modern thinking for an 80-year-old woman," the social worker commented. "Well honey, you know one can never be sure of having a second date with these old guys!"

**squirt** · 08-22-2007, 09:19 PM

As a result of an unfriendly takeover of the company where I had worked the past 14 years, I found myself retired. When my youngest son asked what I planned to do with my time, I jokingly replied: "I'm going to volunteer at the YWCA to inspect female joggers for joggers' nipples." Without hesitation he shot back: "The pay may be lousy Dad, but the tips will be great!"

**squirt** · 08-26-2007, 12:26 AM

Living Will

Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the living
room and I said to her, " I never want to live in a
vegetative state, dependent on some machine and
fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull
the plug."

She got up and unplugged the TV and threw out my beer.

She's such a Bitch ...

**squirt** · 08-28-2007, 07:52 PM

The girl called a sex therapist and said, "Remember when you told me the way to a man's heart was through his stomach? Well, last night I found a new route ... Now I need some birth control pills." The doc asked, "What's his occupation?" The girl said, "Army." "Active or retired?" "If he wasn't active, I wouldn't need these damn pills, would I?"

**squirt** · 08-28-2007, 09:03 PM

The traveler knocked on the door of the house where a cabdriver had told him he could be sexually accommodated. An eye-level panel slid open and a female voice asked what he wanted. "I want to get screwed," said the man. "OK, mister, but this is a private club, so slip twenty bucks as an initiation fee through the mail slot," answered the voice. The man did this, the panel was closed, minutes passed. Nothing hppened. He began to pound on the door insistently, and the panel slid open. "Hey," exclaimed the sport, "I want to get screwed!" "What?" said the voice, "Again?"

==============================

A 13 year old was watching a movie on cable TV. A man ripped off a woman's blouse and said, "I want what I want when I want it!" The boy, turned on by the scene and the love-making which followed, finished watching the movie, and decided to try what he had just witnessed on the girl next door, a classmate. He went over to her house, found that her parents weren't home from work yet, ripped off her blouse; and then said, "I want what I want when I want it!" The girl stared at him and cooly replied ... "You'll get what I got when I get it!"

**squirt** · 08-29-2007, 09:55 PM

A college student picked up his date at her parents home. He'd scraped together every cent he had to take her to a fancy restaurant. To his dismay, she ordered almost everything expensive on the menu. Appetizers, lobster, champagne. The works. Finally he asked her, "Does your Mother feed you like this at home?" "No, of course not," she said, "but my Mother's not hoping to get into my pants tonight, either."

**squirt** · 08-29-2007, 09:59 PM

Three guys are debating who has the best memory. The first guy says, "I can remember the first day of First Grade!" The second guy says, "I can remember my first day at Nursery School!" Not to be outdone, the third guy says, "Hell, that's nothing. I can remember going to the senior prom with my father, and coming home with my mother!"

**squirt** · 08-31-2007, 12:22 AM

The woman was happily showing off her BMW. "It was nice of your husband to buy you that new car," said a friend. "Nice nothing! He had to," explained the woman. "I caught him in bed with the maid." "Oh, how dreadful!" replied the friend, sympathetically. "Well, did you fire her?" "Certainly not! I still need all new matching outfits to go with the car!"

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08-20-2007, 09:58 PM	#103 (permalink)
squirt Super Moderator Join Date: May 2004 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 355,993 Rep Power: 8572	A sweet little old lady surprised the young social worker that was interviewing her when she volunteered, " I do believe in sex on the first date, you know." "That's pretty modern thinking for an 80-year-old woman," the social worker commented. "Well honey, you know one can never be sure of having a second date with these old guys!"

08-22-2007, 09:19 PM	#104 (permalink)
squirt Super Moderator Join Date: May 2004 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 355,993 Rep Power: 8572	As a result of an unfriendly takeover of the company where I had worked the past 14 years, I found myself retired. When my youngest son asked what I planned to do with my time, I jokingly replied: "I'm going to volunteer at the YWCA to inspect female joggers for joggers' nipples." Without hesitation he shot back: "The pay may be lousy Dad, but the tips will be great!"

08-26-2007, 12:26 AM	#105 (permalink)
squirt Super Moderator Join Date: May 2004 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 355,993 Rep Power: 8572	Living Will Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her, " I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug." She got up and unplugged the TV and threw out my beer. She's such a Bitch ...

08-28-2007, 07:52 PM	#106 (permalink)
squirt Super Moderator Join Date: May 2004 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 355,993 Rep Power: 8572	The girl called a sex therapist and said, "Remember when you told me the way to a man's heart was through his stomach? Well, last night I found a new route ... Now I need some birth control pills." The doc asked, "What's his occupation?" The girl said, "Army." "Active or retired?" "If he wasn't active, I wouldn't need these damn pills, would I?"

08-28-2007, 09:03 PM	#107 (permalink)
squirt Super Moderator Join Date: May 2004 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 355,993 Rep Power: 8572	The traveler knocked on the door of the house where a cabdriver had told him he could be sexually accommodated. An eye-level panel slid open and a female voice asked what he wanted. "I want to get screwed," said the man. "OK, mister, but this is a private club, so slip twenty bucks as an initiation fee through the mail slot," answered the voice. The man did this, the panel was closed, minutes passed. Nothing hppened. He began to pound on the door insistently, and the panel slid open. "Hey," exclaimed the sport, "I want to get screwed!" "What?" said the voice, "Again?" ============================== A 13 year old was watching a movie on cable TV. A man ripped off a woman's blouse and said, "I want what I want when I want it!" The boy, turned on by the scene and the love-making which followed, finished watching the movie, and decided to try what he had just witnessed on the girl next door, a classmate. He went over to her house, found that her parents weren't home from work yet, ripped off her blouse; and then said, "I want what I want when I want it!" The girl stared at him and cooly replied ... "You'll get what I got when I get it!"

08-29-2007, 09:55 PM	#108 (permalink)
squirt Super Moderator Join Date: May 2004 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 355,993 Rep Power: 8572	A college student picked up his date at her parents home. He'd scraped together every cent he had to take her to a fancy restaurant. To his dismay, she ordered almost everything expensive on the menu. Appetizers, lobster, champagne. The works. Finally he asked her, "Does your Mother feed you like this at home?" "No, of course not," she said, "but my Mother's not hoping to get into my pants tonight, either."

08-29-2007, 09:59 PM	#109 (permalink)
squirt Super Moderator Join Date: May 2004 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 355,993 Rep Power: 8572	Three guys are debating who has the best memory. The first guy says, "I can remember the first day of First Grade!" The second guy says, "I can remember my first day at Nursery School!" Not to be outdone, the third guy says, "Hell, that's nothing. I can remember going to the senior prom with my father, and coming home with my mother!"

08-31-2007, 12:22 AM	#110 (permalink)
squirt Super Moderator Join Date: May 2004 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 355,993 Rep Power: 8572	The woman was happily showing off her BMW. "It was nice of your husband to buy you that new car," said a friend. "Nice nothing! He had to," explained the woman. "I caught him in bed with the maid." "Oh, how dreadful!" replied the friend, sympathetically. "Well, did you fire her?" "Certainly not! I still need all new matching outfits to go with the car!"