short but sweet ... - Page 14

**squirt** · 09-17-2007, 07:38 PM

Bra: A modern device used for the upliftment of the downfallen ones

=======================

Good girls prefer the missionary position, bad girls do too, but only for starters, naughty girls add some new chapters in the Kuma Sutra

=======================

She was only a Musician's daughter, but she knew all the bars in town

=======================

LONG DISTANCE RUNNERS last longer

**squirt** · 09-20-2007, 09:10 PM

Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna called her minister. "Reverend," she wailed, "John and I had a DREADFUL fight!" "Calm down, my child," said the minister, "it's not half as bad as you think. Every marriage has to have its first fight!" "I know, I know!" said Joanna. "But what am I going to do with the BODY?"

**squirt** · 09-23-2007, 05:51 PM

We were having dinner at Mexican Restaurant and the waiter finally came to take our order. He began rattling off a list of specials. "Whoa," I interrupted. "I'm sorry, I don't speak Spanish." One of his arms dropped to his side, the other went to his hip. "I was speaking English, you pendejo." "Oh, sorry," I apologized. "You're not going to shit in my burrito now, are you?" He smiled. I ate light.

=========================

At an upscale restaurant, an elegantly dressed woman spilled Manhattan clam chowder all over her white linen skirt. She began furiously dabbing at it with a napkin. Having plenty of experience with getting out feed stains, her
waitress asked, "Can I bring you some club soda?" "Young lady," the woman barked at her, "I'll be the judge of when I've had enough to drink. Bring me another martini!"

=========================

"Women claim that what they look for in a man is a sense of humor, but I don't believe it. Who do you want removing your bra ... George Clooney or the Three Stooges?"

**squirt** · 09-27-2007, 03:48 PM

One thing in football doesn't make sense. The two-minute warning. What's the big warning? EVERYONE knows you have two minutes to play. For Chip, a two-minute warning is like when you're in bed with a chick. The phone rings. It's her husband on his cellphone. He says, "Honey, I'll be home in two minutes." Now, THAT'S a two-minute warning!

**squirt** · 09-27-2007, 03:53 PM

Two gay guys were dancing when one said to the other, "Why do you always get an erection when we dance together?" The other replied, "Because you dance like an asshole!"

Women should be obscene and not heard. (Groucho Marx)

What do you call a prostitute with her hand in her panties?
Self employed

I recently read in one of the tabloids at the supermarket: WOMAN GETS
PREGNANT WHILE DOING "LAMBADA" I guess that goes to show that the
rhythm method just doesn't work!

The Bible teaches to love your neighbor, and Kama-Sutra explains how

Some Girls Beg and Some Girls Borrow
Some Bring Joy and Some Bring Sorrow
But Best Of All are Girls That Swallow

Confucius say man who get kicked in testicles, left holding the bag

Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids
Bad: You can't find your birth control pills
Ugly: Your 13 year old daughter has them

She was only a Sailor’s daughter and how she loved seamen

PILOTS keep it up longer

Did you hear about the blonde that thought that a sanitary belt was a
drink from clean shot glass

**squirt** · 09-28-2007, 06:05 PM

A police officer pulls a man over for speeding. As the officer approaches the car he can see the man is very anxious about something. "Good afternoon Sir. Do you know why I stopped you?" "Yes, officer. I know I was speeding but it is a matter of life or death." "Oh, really? How''s that?" "There's a naked woman waiting for me at home." "I don't see how that is a matter of life or death." "If I don't get home before my wife does, I'm a dead man."

**squirt** · 09-30-2007, 07:46 PM

There was a black guy, a white guy, and a Chinese guy. They all had been in the bar before and saw this gorgeous woman. Well they made a bet to see who could make the woman scream. The black guy goes in a comes out and the women is laughing, and then the white guys goes in, well after he comes out she is laughing even harder. The Chinese guy goes in and after a few minutes she is screaming bloody murder. Then he comes out, and the other two guys said how did you do that, and the Chinese guy goes "Me play trick, me put hot sauce on my dick!"

**squirt** · 10-01-2007, 03:21 PM

One of our geeks was at my computer adjusting some settings so I took the opportunity to ask him a question. "With all this stuff going around, how do I know if I have a virus?" He kept working, but without missing a beat he said, "It will burn when you pee."

**squirt** · 10-04-2007, 08:50 PM

Mike finally comes out of the closet and admits to Ron that he is gay. Ron says, "You're a homosexual? Are you seeing a psychiatrist?" "No," Mike said, "I'm seeing a lieutenant in the army."

========================

Sow your wild oats on Saturday night -- Then on Sunday pray for crop failure.

========================

A middle-aged woman was standing in front of her mirror admiring her clothing. "Look, dear," she said to her husband, "I can still get into the same skirts I had before I got married." "Yeah," he snorted, "I wish I could say the same."

**squirt** · 10-04-2007, 08:55 PM

A police recruit was asked during the exam, " What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?" He answered, "Call for backup."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, "What do you think about all this Satan stuff?" The other boy replied, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your Dad."

Jokeroo

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09-17-2007, 07:38 PM	#131 (permalink)
squirt Super Moderator Join Date: May 2004 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 355,993 Rep Power: 8572	Bra: A modern device used for the upliftment of the downfallen ones ======================= Good girls prefer the missionary position, bad girls do too, but only for starters, naughty girls add some new chapters in the Kuma Sutra ======================= She was only a Musician's daughter, but she knew all the bars in town ======================= LONG DISTANCE RUNNERS last longer

09-20-2007, 09:10 PM	#132 (permalink)
squirt Super Moderator Join Date: May 2004 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 355,993 Rep Power: 8572	Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna called her minister. "Reverend," she wailed, "John and I had a DREADFUL fight!" "Calm down, my child," said the minister, "it's not half as bad as you think. Every marriage has to have its first fight!" "I know, I know!" said Joanna. "But what am I going to do with the BODY?"

09-23-2007, 05:51 PM	#133 (permalink)
squirt Super Moderator Join Date: May 2004 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 355,993 Rep Power: 8572	We were having dinner at Mexican Restaurant and the waiter finally came to take our order. He began rattling off a list of specials. "Whoa," I interrupted. "I'm sorry, I don't speak Spanish." One of his arms dropped to his side, the other went to his hip. "I was speaking English, you pendejo." "Oh, sorry," I apologized. "You're not going to shit in my burrito now, are you?" He smiled. I ate light. ========================= At an upscale restaurant, an elegantly dressed woman spilled Manhattan clam chowder all over her white linen skirt. She began furiously dabbing at it with a napkin. Having plenty of experience with getting out feed stains, her waitress asked, "Can I bring you some club soda?" "Young lady," the woman barked at her, "I'll be the judge of when I've had enough to drink. Bring me another martini!" ========================= "Women claim that what they look for in a man is a sense of humor, but I don't believe it. Who do you want removing your bra ... George Clooney or the Three Stooges?"

09-27-2007, 03:48 PM	#134 (permalink)
squirt Super Moderator Join Date: May 2004 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 355,993 Rep Power: 8572	One thing in football doesn't make sense. The two-minute warning. What's the big warning? EVERYONE knows you have two minutes to play. For Chip, a two-minute warning is like when you're in bed with a chick. The phone rings. It's her husband on his cellphone. He says, "Honey, I'll be home in two minutes." Now, THAT'S a two-minute warning!

09-27-2007, 03:53 PM	#135 (permalink)
squirt Super Moderator Join Date: May 2004 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 355,993 Rep Power: 8572	Two gay guys were dancing when one said to the other, "Why do you always get an erection when we dance together?" The other replied, "Because you dance like an asshole!" Women should be obscene and not heard. (Groucho Marx) What do you call a prostitute with her hand in her panties? Self employed I recently read in one of the tabloids at the supermarket: WOMAN GETS PREGNANT WHILE DOING "LAMBADA" I guess that goes to show that the rhythm method just doesn't work! The Bible teaches to love your neighbor, and Kama-Sutra explains how Some Girls Beg and Some Girls Borrow Some Bring Joy and Some Bring Sorrow But Best Of All are Girls That Swallow Confucius say man who get kicked in testicles, left holding the bag Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids Bad: You can't find your birth control pills Ugly: Your 13 year old daughter has them She was only a Sailor’s daughter and how she loved seamen PILOTS keep it up longer Did you hear about the blonde that thought that a sanitary belt was a drink from clean shot glass

09-28-2007, 06:05 PM	#136 (permalink)
squirt Super Moderator Join Date: May 2004 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 355,993 Rep Power: 8572	A police officer pulls a man over for speeding. As the officer approaches the car he can see the man is very anxious about something. "Good afternoon Sir. Do you know why I stopped you?" "Yes, officer. I know I was speeding but it is a matter of life or death." "Oh, really? How''s that?" "There's a naked woman waiting for me at home." "I don't see how that is a matter of life or death." "If I don't get home before my wife does, I'm a dead man."

09-30-2007, 07:46 PM	#137 (permalink)
squirt Super Moderator Join Date: May 2004 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 355,993 Rep Power: 8572	There was a black guy, a white guy, and a Chinese guy. They all had been in the bar before and saw this gorgeous woman. Well they made a bet to see who could make the woman scream. The black guy goes in a comes out and the women is laughing, and then the white guys goes in, well after he comes out she is laughing even harder. The Chinese guy goes in and after a few minutes she is screaming bloody murder. Then he comes out, and the other two guys said how did you do that, and the Chinese guy goes "Me play trick, me put hot sauce on my dick!"

10-01-2007, 03:21 PM	#138 (permalink)
squirt Super Moderator Join Date: May 2004 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 355,993 Rep Power: 8572	One of our geeks was at my computer adjusting some settings so I took the opportunity to ask him a question. "With all this stuff going around, how do I know if I have a virus?" He kept working, but without missing a beat he said, "It will burn when you pee."

10-04-2007, 08:50 PM	#139 (permalink)
squirt Super Moderator Join Date: May 2004 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 355,993 Rep Power: 8572	Mike finally comes out of the closet and admits to Ron that he is gay. Ron says, "You're a homosexual? Are you seeing a psychiatrist?" "No," Mike said, "I'm seeing a lieutenant in the army." ======================== Sow your wild oats on Saturday night -- Then on Sunday pray for crop failure. ======================== A middle-aged woman was standing in front of her mirror admiring her clothing. "Look, dear," she said to her husband, "I can still get into the same skirts I had before I got married." "Yeah," he snorted, "I wish I could say the same."

10-04-2007, 08:55 PM	#140 (permalink)
squirt Super Moderator Join Date: May 2004 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 355,993 Rep Power: 8572	A police recruit was asked during the exam, " What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?" He answered, "Call for backup." ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, "What do you think about all this Satan stuff?" The other boy replied, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your Dad."