short but sweet ... - Page 15

**squirt** · 10-05-2007, 02:43 PM

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other but still they stay together

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them

I had some words with my wife; and she had some paragraphs with me

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."

"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't."

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming

1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it
2. Whenever you're right, shut up

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once ...

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

**squirt** · 10-09-2007, 03:14 PM

The tired doctor was awakened by a phone call in the middle of the night. "Please, you have to come right over," pleaded the distraught young mother. "My child has swallowed a contraceptive." The physician dressed quickly; but before he could get out the door, the phone rang again. "You don't have to come over after all," the woman said with a sigh of relief. "My husband just found another one."

**squirt** · 10-09-2007, 03:24 PM

Two men were finishing their work day and one said, "I hate to go home! Every night I eat the same tasteless food, wash the dishes, walk the dog, and then go to bed." His co-worker asked, "Why don't you find a nice girl and get married?" As the first man slammed his briefcase shut he replied, "I AM married!!!"

------------ --------- --------- --

Early in their marriage, my Dad did something really stupid. My Mom chewed him out for it. He apologized, they made up. However, from time to time, my Mom mentioned what he had done. "Honey," my Dad finally said one day, "why do you keep bringing that up? I thought your policy was 'forgive and forget.'" "It is," she said. "I just don't want you to forget what I've forgiven and forgotten."

**squirt** · 10-10-2007, 07:55 PM

Clouteal sends her little boy, Pierre, down to the bayou for a bucket of water. Pierre comes back with an empty bucket: "Mama, there's a great big gator in the bayou, I'm scared to get the water." Clouteal says: "Now boy, don't you worry 'bout that gator. It's as scared of you as you are to him." Says Pierre: "Mama, if that gator is as scared of me as I am of him, that water ain't fit to drink!"

**squirt** · 10-11-2007, 02:32 PM

A belligerent drunk walks into a bar and hollers, "I can lick any man in the place!" The nearest customer looks him up and down, then says, "Crude, but direct. Tell me, is this your first time in a gay bar?"

**squirt** · 10-13-2007, 01:54 PM

One day the Primary 1 teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read, "... And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, "Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?" One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said F****** hell! A talking pig!'"

**squirt** · 10-14-2007, 03:40 PM

A guy and a girl are lying in a bed after just having sex. The girl lays on her side of the bed and rests. The guy goes to his side of the bed and says to himself, "Man oh Man, I finally did it! I'm no longer a virgin." The girl overhears him talking to himself and asks, "Are you saying you lost your virginity to me?" "Well," the guy explains, "I always wanted to wait until I was with the woman I love to lose my virginity." Astounded, the girl replies, "So you really love me?" "Oh God no!" the guy says. "I just got sick of waiting."

runner_b · 10-15-2007, 12:06 AM

"Since I've been depressed I've completely lost the urge to masturbate. I guess I just haven't been feeling myself lately."

I feel myself, I get happier hehe

**squirt** · 10-15-2007, 12:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by runner_b

"Since I've been depressed I've completely lost the urge to masturbate. I guess I just haven't been feeling myself lately."

I feel myself, I get happier hehe

just get a hold of yourself ... lol

runner_b · 10-15-2007, 12:59 AM

Way ahead of you there squirt

10-15-2007, 12:06 AM	#148 (permalink)
runner_b Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: unheard of town in md Posts: 581 Rep Power: 24	"Since I've been depressed I've completely lost the urge to masturbate. I guess I just haven't been feeling myself lately." I feel myself, I get happier hehe __________________ thanks babygirl for animation thanks demonfaerie for getting pics

10-15-2007, 12:59 AM	#150 (permalink)
runner_b Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: unheard of town in md Posts: 581 Rep Power: 24	Way ahead of you there squirt __________________ thanks babygirl for animation thanks demonfaerie for getting pics

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10-05-2007, 02:43 PM	#141 (permalink)
squirt Super Moderator Join Date: May 2004 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 355,993 Rep Power: 8572	When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other but still they stay together Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them I had some words with my wife; and she had some paragraphs with me "I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years." "There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage." "I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't." Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it 2. Whenever you're right, shut up The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once ... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

10-09-2007, 03:14 PM	#142 (permalink)
squirt Super Moderator Join Date: May 2004 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 355,993 Rep Power: 8572	The tired doctor was awakened by a phone call in the middle of the night. "Please, you have to come right over," pleaded the distraught young mother. "My child has swallowed a contraceptive." The physician dressed quickly; but before he could get out the door, the phone rang again. "You don't have to come over after all," the woman said with a sigh of relief. "My husband just found another one."

10-09-2007, 03:24 PM	#143 (permalink)
squirt Super Moderator Join Date: May 2004 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 355,993 Rep Power: 8572	Two men were finishing their work day and one said, "I hate to go home! Every night I eat the same tasteless food, wash the dishes, walk the dog, and then go to bed." His co-worker asked, "Why don't you find a nice girl and get married?" As the first man slammed his briefcase shut he replied, "I AM married!!!" ------------ --------- --------- -- Early in their marriage, my Dad did something really stupid. My Mom chewed him out for it. He apologized, they made up. However, from time to time, my Mom mentioned what he had done. "Honey," my Dad finally said one day, "why do you keep bringing that up? I thought your policy was 'forgive and forget.'" "It is," she said. "I just don't want you to forget what I've forgiven and forgotten."

10-10-2007, 07:55 PM	#144 (permalink)
squirt Super Moderator Join Date: May 2004 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 355,993 Rep Power: 8572	Clouteal sends her little boy, Pierre, down to the bayou for a bucket of water. Pierre comes back with an empty bucket: "Mama, there's a great big gator in the bayou, I'm scared to get the water." Clouteal says: "Now boy, don't you worry 'bout that gator. It's as scared of you as you are to him." Says Pierre: "Mama, if that gator is as scared of me as I am of him, that water ain't fit to drink!"

10-11-2007, 02:32 PM	#145 (permalink)
squirt Super Moderator Join Date: May 2004 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 355,993 Rep Power: 8572	A belligerent drunk walks into a bar and hollers, "I can lick any man in the place!" The nearest customer looks him up and down, then says, "Crude, but direct. Tell me, is this your first time in a gay bar?"

10-13-2007, 01:54 PM	#146 (permalink)
squirt Super Moderator Join Date: May 2004 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 355,993 Rep Power: 8572	One day the Primary 1 teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read, "... And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, "Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?" One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said F****** hell! A talking pig!'"

10-14-2007, 03:40 PM	#147 (permalink)
squirt Super Moderator Join Date: May 2004 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 355,993 Rep Power: 8572	A guy and a girl are lying in a bed after just having sex. The girl lays on her side of the bed and rests. The guy goes to his side of the bed and says to himself, "Man oh Man, I finally did it! I'm no longer a virgin." The girl overhears him talking to himself and asks, "Are you saying you lost your virginity to me?" "Well," the guy explains, "I always wanted to wait until I was with the woman I love to lose my virginity." Astounded, the girl replies, "So you really love me?" "Oh God no!" the guy says. "I just got sick of waiting."