03-29-2007, 11:34 PM
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#11 (permalink) |
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A man comes home from a night of drinking.
As he falls through the doorway, his wife snaps at him, "What's the big idea coming home half drunk?" The man replies, "I'm sorry honey. I ran out of money."
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03-29-2007, 11:35 PM
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#12 (permalink) |
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An old man was laying on his death bed. With only hours to live, he suddenly noticed the scent of chocolate chip cookies coming from the kitchen.
With his last bit of energy, the old man pulled himself out from his bed, across the floor to the stairs, and down the stairs to the kitchen. There, the old man's wife was baking chocolate chip cookies. With his last ounce of energy, the old man reached for a cookie. His wife, however, quickly smacked him across the back of his hand, and exclaimed, "Leave them alone, they're for the funeral!"
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03-30-2007, 10:50 PM
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#13 (permalink) |
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While out of town at a business convention, a man decides to write his wife a brief note, but can't find the hotel envelopes and paper customarily found in the room's desk. He goes to the lobby gift shop and inquires of the clerk, a pretty young lady, "Do you keep stationery?" The clerk replies, "Well, yes I do - up until the last minute, then I just go crazy!"
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03-31-2007, 11:24 PM
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#14 (permalink) |
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Q: What's worse than a cardboard box?
A: Paper tits! Q: How is a pussy like a grapefruit? A: The best ones squirt when you eat them. Q: How do you tell if a chick's too fat to f*ck? A: When you pull her pants down and her ass is still in them. Q: What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? A: A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again! Q: Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra? A: When you take it off you wonder where her tits went. Q: Why is it so hard for women to take a piss in the morning? A: Did you ever try to peel apart a grilled cheese sandwich? Q: What do you call 25 lesbians stacked on top of each other? A: A block of flaps Q: What do rednecks do for Halloween? A: Pump kin. Q: What is 60 foot long and stinks of piss? A: A conga in an old people's home! Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and God? A: God doesn't think he's a lawyer Q: What's the difference between toilet paper and toast? A: Toast is brown on both sides. Q: Did you hear about the Polish porno flick? A: It's called: " Debbie does nothing."
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04-06-2007, 01:08 AM
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#19 (permalink) |
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The owner was showing one of the waitresses in his local gin mill how to fold a napkin to look like a swan when the girl, a rather gorgeous young thing, batted her eyes and commented, "You have the most delicate, slender hands. Forgive me for saying it, but they belong on a woman." Not only did he forgive her, later on he obliged her.
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04-06-2007, 01:08 AM
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#20 (permalink) |
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The mortician calls Mrs. Jones, and says, "Excuse me Mrs. Jones, but I can't seem to close the lid to your husband's coffin because he has a huge erection." To which she replies, "Why don't you cut it off and stick it up his ass? That's the only hole in town it hasn't been in."
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