short but sweet ...

[Angy]

Originally Posted by squirt

The mortician calls Mrs. Jones, and says, "Excuse me Mrs. Jones, but I can't seem to close the lid to your husband's coffin because he has a huge erection." To which she replies, "Why don't you cut it off and stick it up his ass? That's the only hole in town it hasn't been in."

ouch she seems a tad bitter lmao

[squirt]

Originally Posted by Angy

ouch she seems a tad bitter lmao

just a little lol

[Country17]

Good ones, Squirt. Thanks for the laughs....that's why I'm here.

[squirt]

Originally Posted by Country17

Good ones, Squirt. Thanks for the laughs....that's why I'm here.

I'm glad you enjoyed the thread, laughter is the music of the soul, it's why I'm here too!

[squirt]

Why are men like lawn mowers?

If you're not pushing one around, then you're riding it.

* * *

How is an ex-husband like an inflamed Appendix?

It caused you a lot of pain, and after it was removed you found out you didn't need it anyway.

* * *

What do men and pantyhose have in common?

They either cling, run or don't fit right in the crotch!

* * *

How do we know men invented maps?

Who else would make an inch into a mile?!

* * *

How can you tell when a man is well hung?

When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

* * *

How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?

Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals."

* * *

After a young couple brought their new baby home, the wife suggested that her husband should try his hand at changing diapers.

"I'm busy," he said, "I'll do the next one."

The next time came around and she asked again.

The husband looked puzzled, "Oh! I didn't mean the next diaper. I meant the next baby!"

[Country17]

I'm a contractor so I have to throw this one in:

Floors are like men, if you lay them right the first time you can walk all over them the rest of your life.......lol

I don't know why I'm saying this except it is kind of humorous.

[squirt]

Originally Posted by Country17

I'm a contractor so I have to throw this one in:

Floors are like men, if you lay them right the first time you can walk all over them the rest of your life.......lol

I don't know why I'm saying this except it is kind of humorous.

it was a great addition, thank you!

... gotta keep layin' them right too lol

[squirt]

One Liners ...

The secret of life is there is no secret of life.

Life is like a slow soap opera without commercials.

If you can still do at 60 what you did at 20, it means you weren't doing much at 20.

If you don't run, they can't chase you.

The best things in life aren't things.

Q) What did the Alabama teen do with his first fifty cent piece?
A) He married her

Q) What do you call a Korean family with just one dog?
A) Vegetarians

Q)Why is an ugly girl like a bedspread?
A) Because they are both turned down at night.

Q)Why does it take woman longer to have an orgasm?
A) Who cares??

Q)Whats black and white and comes in little cans?
A) Michael Jackson

Q) How did the leper lose the poker game?
A) He threw in his hand.

[squirt]

Q: Where can women over the age of 50 find young, sexy men, who are interested in them?
A: Try a bookstore under fiction.

Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?
A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you are done you will have a place to live.

Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 50+ year old husband?
A: Tell him you're pregnant.

Q: How can you avoid spotting a wrinkle every time you walk by a mirror?
A: The next time you're in front of a mirror, take off your glasses.

Q: Why should 50+ year old people use valet parking?
A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.

Q: Is it common for 50+ year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?
A: Storing memory is not a problem, retrieving it is a problem.

Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.

Q: Where do 50+ year olds look for fashionable glasses?
A: Their foreheads.

[squirt]

Q: Why do doctors and nurses really wear masks during an operation?
A: If somebody fucks up, nobody will know who it was.

Q: Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
A: Mace will do that to you.

Q: What is 40 feet long and smells like urine?
A: Line dancing at the nursing home.