03-04-2008, 02:12 AM
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#331 (permalink) |
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Super Moderator
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 355,993
Rep Power: 8572   |
Have you heard about the masochist who had to break a date because he was going to be tied up all night?
-------------------------- Ninety percent of men who try Camels prefer women -------------------------- Two well-dressed, matronly women entered the business office and approached an executive. "Sir," said one, "we are soliciting funds for the welfare and rehabilitation of wayward women. Would you care to donate?" "Sorry," replied the exec, "but I contribute directly." -------------------------- Become an amateur gynecologist. Look up a friend today -------------------------- What would you do if you had a condom with a hole in it in one pocket, and a rattle snake in the other pocket? I don't know, but I do know that I wouldn't screw with either one of them -------------------------- What do you call a gay gentleman from the Deep South? A homo-sex-y'all -------------------------- What's the definition of trust? Two cannibals giving each other a blow job -------------------------- What is the difference between a straight rodeo and a gay rodeo? At a straight rodeo they yell "ride them suckers!" -------------------------- Gladiator: What the Roman was after she reciprocated -------------------------- As long as I have a face you'll always have a place to sit |
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03-06-2008, 12:39 AM
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#334 (permalink) |
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Jokaroo VIP Status
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Ah...rella like cinderella
Posts: 127,613
Rep Power: 5911 |
Two Women Were Taking A Bath Together When One Remarked
" I Wonder Why I Don't Have A Lot Of Hair In My Private Parts ? " The Other Replied , "have You Ever Seen Grass Growing On A Busy Road?" |
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03-07-2008, 11:00 PM
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#336 (permalink) |
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Super Moderator
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 355,993
Rep Power: 8572 |
The voluptuous redhead was walking down a dimly lit street when a man jumped out of the bushes. "Give me your money," he demanded. "I d-don't have any," she managed to reply. "Give me your money or I'll search you!" he threatened. She repeated that she didn't have any, then gasped as he made a tentative search. "You'd better give me your money now," he said menacingly, "or I'm going to rally search you!" "But I don't have any!" she protested, almost in tears. So he really searched her. "I guess you were on the level," he finally muttered angrily. "You don't have any money on you." "For heaven's sake," she wailed, "don't stop now. I'll write you a check."
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03-07-2008, 11:03 PM
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#337 (permalink) |
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Super Moderator
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 355,993
Rep Power: 8572 |
What's all the fuss about same-sex marriages? I've been married for years, and I keep having the same sex
--------------------------- I was talking to a friend of mine, and he told me that he's been married a little over four years. He told me he was celebrating his 'Wooden' anniversary. I asked what a 'wooden' anniversary was. He said, "I asked her to give me a blow job and she wooden --------------------------- The ideal man is like a beluga whale. He has a four-foot tongue and can breathe out of a hole in the top of his head --------------------------- The Democratic Party is considering changing its emblem from a donkey to a condom because it expands with inflation, limits productivity, encourages cooperation, and gives you a feeling of security, although you know you're getting screwed --------------------------- "And then he seduced me. And it wasn't the first time, either!" --------------------------- What's the first thing a blonde does after sex? Opens the car door --------------------------- What is the difference between movie theater refreshments and movies at a police stag party? One is pop corn, the other is cop porn --------------------------- What do you call a herd of masturbating bulls? Beef strokin' off --------------------------- What do you call a man who cries while he masturbates? A tearjerker |
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03-09-2008, 04:10 PM
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#338 (permalink) |
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Super Moderator
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 355,993
Rep Power: 8572 |
When my wife came home Sunday afternoon to find the kitchen and living room a mess, the laundry still in a pile by the washer and me on the couch having done nothing but drink beer and watch football all day, she yelled, "Watch yourself, mister, or you're going to make me do something I don't want to do." "Wow," I thought, "I can't believe I'm going to get a blow job out of this."
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03-11-2008, 12:45 AM
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#339 (permalink) |
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Super Moderator
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 355,993
Rep Power: 8572 |
A dance instructor told his pupil she must always be on the alert in order to follow perfectly. She was so anxious to please that she watched his every move and frequently danced the steps without waiting for his lead. Finally, when she almost threw him off balance, he ventured, "Pardon me, but aren't you anticipating? " "Why, sir!" blushed the pupil, "I'm not even married!"
------------------------------ "Is there a woman here in need of assistance?" asked the medic from the ambulance as he knocked on the door. "Yes." replied the man opening the door. "It's my wife. She has an electric vibrator lodged in her." "Well, we'll have to transport her to the hospital." the medic replied. "Those things can be tricky to remove." "Never mind." said the husband. "We have an HMO which doesn't allow Emergency Room visits except for life threatening incidents. But for now, could you at least turn it off? It's interfering with the TV." |
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03-11-2008, 01:11 AM
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#340 (permalink) |
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Super Moderator
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 355,993
Rep Power: 8572 |
I'm not incontinent or anything, but sometimes I just wear Depends for the added comfort and security. Of course, a lot of people look at you funny when you get on the bus wearing nothing but Depends. But on the plus side, you're pretty much guaranteed your own seat
------------------------------ "Larry and Karen are getting a divorce." "You're kidding! I thought they had so much in common." "Actually, that's the problem. They both like pussy." ------------------------------ They say, "Love thy neighbor as thy self." What am I supposed to do? Jerk him off too? ------------------------------ Every time I sit down to try to take a dump, I start reading the newspaper and end up forgetting to do my business. I think I might have Attention Defecate Disorder ------------------------------ My wife was upset when she found out, after all these years of me telling her otherwise, that the song is not titled "O Cum All Ye Faceful" ------------------------------ Man eating freshly baked bread: "This tastes different from your usual." Wife: "I ran out of Baker's yeast, so I used scrapings from my vaginal infection." ------------------------------ Photos of large breasts are weapons of Mass Turbation ------------------------------ The biology teacher at the all-girl academy was handing back a test on male anatomy on which the girls did poorly. "I don't understand why you girls can't understand the male sex organ. You've had it pounded into you all semester." ------------------------------ What's the difference between a gynecologist and a genealogist? A genealogist looks up the family tree, and a gynecologist looks up the family bush ------------------------------ What do you get when you cross a vibrator with an anteater? An armadildo! ------------------------------ What's the difference between a blimp and a thousand used condoms? One's a Goodyear, the other's a damn good year! ------------------------------ How are airplanes and women alike? They both have cockpits |
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