05-10-2007, 08:28 PM
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#31 (permalink) |
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Two boys are arguing over whose father is the wimpiest. The first one says, "My dad is so scared that when lightning strikes, he slides underneath our bed." The second kid says, "That's nothing. My dad is so scared that when my mother works night shift, or isn't home for ANY reason -- he sleeps with the woman next door!"
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05-10-2007, 08:31 PM
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#32 (permalink) |
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A man goes into a restaurant with his wife. The waiter approaches the table and asks for their order. "I'll have your biggest, juiciest steak," he says.
"But sir, what about the mad cow?!" asks the waiter. "Oh," answers the man, "she'll order for herself
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05-12-2007, 09:08 PM
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#35 (permalink) |
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A woman was walking along pushing her new born baby in its carriage when she was approached by an old friend.
The woman leaned over, peered into the pram and said, "What a beautiful baby boy! Little Jesse looks just like his father." "I know," replied the woman, "I just wish he looked more like my husband!"
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05-12-2007, 09:14 PM
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#36 (permalink) |
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A robber broke in on a young woman and her elderly mother.I'm going to tie you up while I fill my bag with swag," he said, "and then before I leave I'm going to have my way with both of you." Oh, please, sir," cried the young woman, "take anything you want, and do what you will with me, but PLEASE spare my dear old mother." "Now, dear," said the mother, "don't try to teach the man his trade."
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05-13-2007, 11:45 PM
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#37 (permalink) |
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Sherlock Holmes' gardener told Doctor Watson that a schoolgirl was in Holmes' bedroom. Watson heard muffled sounds coming from the bedroom and, fearing that Holmes was in danger, broke down the door to find Holmes and the girl having a 69. "Holmes!" said Watson. "What kind of a schoolgirl is this?"
"Elementary, my dear Watson, Elementary."
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05-13-2007, 11:47 PM
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#38 (permalink) |
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The Irish maiden's prayer:
"Dear Lord, Please have Murphy on me." Why do so many brides get crow's feet as soon as they're married? From squinting and saying, "Suck what?" Elton John is getting divorced already. He found that his husband was having sex behind his back
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05-14-2007, 02:59 PM
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#39 (permalink) |
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"Father," said Luigi, "I wanna an annulment."
"Why, Luigi?" asked the priest. "You justa gotta married yesterday." "I tink I married my sister," Luigi said. "No, no Luigi," said his proest. "I know you ana you wife alla you lives, and there is no relation. What make-a you tink she's-a you sister?" "Last night we undress for bed, she looka at my dicka, an' she say, 'Oh, brother!'"
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05-14-2007, 03:02 PM
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#40 (permalink) |
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Upon returning to their car from a shopping tour, one of the young ladies realized that she had forgotten to stop at the pharmacy for her birth control pills. She rushed into the nearest pharmacy and gave her prescription to the pharmacist. "Please fill this immediately," she said. "I've got three people waiting in my car!"
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