05-21-2008, 04:03 PM
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#511 (permalink) |
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Super Moderator
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 355,993
Rep Power: 8572   |
A man and his wife are watching boxing on TV. The husband sighs and says, "I'm disappointed! It was all over in four minutes." The wife replies, "Good! Now you know how I feel."
-------------------------------------- The Vatican has decided that it is not a sin To kiss a nun, just don't get into the habit -------------------------------------- I finally got it straight after being confused by the words depraved and deprived for years. Depraved is when your two kid sisters invite you to indulge in an incestuous threesome. Deprived is when you're an only child -------------------------------------- Nothing can burst your fatherly bubble faster than hearing your daughter come home from a date and saying, "Some nights I don't know why I even bother to wear panties." -------------------------------------- My husband came home with a tube of K Y jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in -------------------------------------- If Russia was to attack Turkey from the rear, would Greece help? -------------------------------------- The call girl confided to her friend, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to give up analysis." "But why Isn't Dr. Greene helping you" "Yes, a lot," the call girl agreed. "Problem is, I just can't get used to lying down for a guy and then having then having to pay HIM." -------------------------------------- Depressed proctologists are down in the dumps -------------------------------------- What do you get when you cross a Wall Street firm with a S&D brothel? A business for stocks and bondage -------------------------------------- Why do men pay more for car insurance? Because women don't get blow jobs while they're driving -------------------------------------- Orgy: A swap meat -------------------------------------- Good girls say, "Please... Don't... Stop..." Bad girls say, "Please Don't Stop..." -------------------------------------- She was only a Australian's daughter, but she often got explored Down Under |
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05-23-2008, 12:36 AM
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#512 (permalink) |
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Super Moderator
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 355,993
Rep Power: 8572 |
An Alabama redneck was sittin' on the sofa, with his half naked woman, watching the news from San Francisco. "Jus' look at them homo-sexshuals. They're ruining the country. with men marryin' men, and women marryin' women. It's disgustin. Darlin', we oughta' go out there and protest! Don't you think so" She replied, "Yes, Daddy"
-------------------------------------- SAILOR: Do you neck? GIRL: That's my business! SAILOR: At last I've found a professional! -------------------------------------- Of course you've heard about the Viagra computer virus, it turns your 3 1/2 inch floppy into a hard disk -------------------------------------- Why do women prefer old gynecologists? Because their hands tend to shake -------------------------------------- Did you hear that Viagra now comes in a nasal spray? It's for Dickheads! What do you call twelve naked men sitting on each others shoulders? A scrotum pole! -------------------------------------- Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got -------------------------------------- Good girls think they're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls Bad girls think they're fully dressed with just a strand of pearls |
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05-23-2008, 12:42 AM
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#513 (permalink) |
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Junior Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Jeffersonville, IN
Posts: 107
Rep Power: 71 |
Penis
Men drive too fast we are told because the car is thought to be an extension of the penis.
Surely if that was true they would just spend all day backing it in and out of the garage or perhaps polishing it by hand. |
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05-24-2008, 12:34 AM
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#517 (permalink) |
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Super Moderator
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 355,993
Rep Power: 8572 |
Not sure it's still a tradition, but years ago when a college lad was serious about a girl, he would give her his fraternity pin to wear. Susan came back to the dorm and told her roomie, "Well, it finally happened. Frank pinned me." Her roomie turned on the lights and said, "Congratulations! Oh, let me see it." Confused, Susan replied, "Let you see what?"
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05-24-2008, 12:36 AM
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#518 (permalink) |
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Super Moderator
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 355,993
Rep Power: 8572 |
When I was born, I got a choice - A big dick or a good memory. I can't remember what I chose
A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings. .. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together |
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05-24-2008, 03:38 PM
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#519 (permalink) |
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Super Moderator
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 355,993
Rep Power: 8572 |
I finally talked my girlfriend into doing a home porn movie, but she insisted on bringing this guy she knows from work to be her co-star. As I was watching them in action, I couldn't help but think, "Man, actresses can be so picky!"
-------------------------------------- In a recent survey on why some men are homosexual, 82 percent of the men surveyed responded that either genetics or home environment was the principal factor. The remaining 18 percent of those that responded revealed that they had been sucked into it -------------------------------------- Gay politicians are always seeking mandates -------------------------------------- Did you hear about the blonde who had two chances to get pregnant? She blew it both times! -------------------------------------- What do you call a prostitute with her hand in her panties? Self employed -------------------------------------- Why are there no blonde ranchers? They can't keep their calves together -------------------------------------- A lady goes to her Gynecologist complaining of pain during intercourse. "Every time I do it doggy style, it hurts terribly!" she exclaims. The doctor queries, "Why don't you use the missionary position?" "I would, but I can't stand the dog's breath in my face." |
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05-26-2008, 12:46 AM
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#520 (permalink) |
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Super Moderator
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 355,993
Rep Power: 8572 |
Bill and I were talking the other day and I commented about all the junk mail I get. Bill replied, "People always complain that the only email you ever get is junk email. And yet, every time I log on, I find a mailbox full of messages from naked women who want to talk dirty to me. Junk email, my ass!"
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