short but sweet ...

[squirt]

* Top Ten Things You Don't Want To Hear in a Department Store

10. "You want to use the fitting room or try this on at my place?"

9. "Check it out -- this one's good for hiding body parts"

8. "You know how we can offer such low prices? We're connected to the mafia"

7. "Try our new scent -- it makes you smell just like Regis"

6. "Last night after work I got lucky on this couch"

5. "Can I take a picture of your feet for my web site?"

4. "I live in a dark, greasy space under the escalator"

3. "For today only, you can pay for your purchases with hugs"

2. "Have you seen a chimp in boys' overalls?"

1. "If you're interested, I sell the same junk out of my van, half-price"

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A couple arrived at town hall seconds before closing time, and caught a judge just as he was about to leave, and asked him to marry them. He asked if they had a license and, when they didn't, sent them off to get one. They caught the town clerk just as he was locking up, and got the license from him. When they got back to the judge, he pointed out that they had filled the names in backwards -- his where hers belonged and vice versa. They rushed back to the clerk's office, caught him again, and got another license. This time, the judge noticed that the clerk had filled in the date in the wrong format. Again they catch the clerk ... After five reissued licenses, the judge is finally satisfied. Judge: "I hope you appreciate why I made you keep going back. If there are irregularities in the license, your marriage would not be legal, and any children you might have would be technical bastards." Groom: "That's funny - that's just what the clerk called you."

[konifur2]

Top Ten Things You Don't Want To Hear in a Department Store...................

when you go in the changing cubical and a man part pops through the hole in the wall just ignore it.

the lift only breaks down now and again

the man in the dirty rain mac in the lingerie department is harmless

you don`t want to know how the baker puts the hole in the doughnuts

it`s best to count santa`s fingers.

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lol ... great add konifur lol

[squirt]

What's the worst thing you can say to a man who complains that his wife is frigid?
"No, she isn't!"

Q:Why did Noah take four gnus on the ark?
A:Because he had some good gnus and some bad gnus

Q:What does a dog say when he sits on sandpaper?
A:Ruff, ruff!

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How are children able to distinguish and disdain the taste of liver and spinach, but have no problem consuming soap, crayons, paste and playdough?

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What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take the pill?
They become mummies

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Newton's 3 laws
1. Every man has a pole, woman has a hole
2. When pole enters hole, it produces a new soul
3. When hand in motion, it produces lotion

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This football player named Smith was an avid hunter and it was the last day of deer season but also the last game of the season. He tells his wife "I've been just sitting on the bench all season so would you put on my uniform and take my place while I go hunting?" The wife agrees and he goes hunting while she goes to the game. The last three minutes of the game the coach yells "Smith, you're in!" She can't say anything because her husband would lose his contract and probably get sued, she thinks what can happen in just three minutes so she goes into the game. The next thing she knows she has the ball and all these guys are jumping on her and she passes out. When she comes to she's stark naked in the locker room and the coach sees her coming around and says "Don't worry Smith, as soon as we get your balls back down where they belong, your pecker will pop out!"

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Astronomers said this week that Europe will see one of the biggest meteor showers in history. Apparently, everyone in France was excited and wants to know, "What's a shower?"

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The manufacturer of a well-known tonic for people with "tired" blood received this testimonial from a little old lady who lived on a farm in Tennessee: "Before taking your tonic," the woman wrote, "I was too tired to hoe the fields or pick the cotton. But after only two bottles of your delicious mixture, I've become the best cotton-picking hoer in the county."

[squirt]

Cartoon Character Pick-Up Lines ...

Wimpy -- "I'd gladly pay you Tuesday for a blowjob today."

Popeye -- "I'm strong to the finish 'cause I takes Viagra!"

Tweety Bird -- "I wuuuv to eat putty!"

Porky Pig -- "L-L-Let's go back to my place and f-f-f-f-f-f- f-fu-f-f- fu ... hump."

[konifur2]

Wile E. Coyote........ " beep beep now you bitch!"

The wolf to little red riding hood wolf...... " so you think i have big eyes .....well have a look at this!"

Doc to Dopey...." will you stop shagging my ass and wait your turn! Miss White is not going any where."

Peter Griffin to married woman......" if you come back to my place,Lois is away for the weekend and your hubby can have sex with our Meg."

Stewie Griffin...... " oh you know Brian this is soooo wrong.I NEVER SAID STOP!!!!!"

Tom the cat to Jerry.... " stay there i will wrap some duct tape round your belly to stop you splitting."

[squirt]

lmao ... great adds konifur lol

[squirt]

George walks into a doctor's office and says, "Doc, you gotta help me. I've got a constant erection. At first, it was fun, but then it became painful and embarrassing." While the doctor's examining him, a bug jumps off his dick and his boner goes right down. George says, "Gee, Doc, that's great. How much do I owe you?" The doctor says, "Help me find that bug and you don't owe me anything!"