short but sweet ... - Page 83

**squirt** · 05-26-2009, 12:18 AM

The first testicular guard "Cup" was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974

It took 100 years for men to realize that the brain is also important

**squirt** · 06-04-2009, 08:07 PM

The Relationship With Your Wife/Girlfriend Is Over When ...

- She puts your dinner on the floor in the Rover Dish

- The milkman is wearing your bathrobe

- You get a ticket for the Jerry Springer Show

- She starts every sentence with the words ... "To whom it may concern"

- Your mail comes addressed to "Current Resident"

- The local mortician starts measuring you for a new suit

- Her mother looks at you and starts laughing

- You are urged to stir your coffee "very well" before drinking it

- Your favourite easy chair is plugged into the wall outlet

- All of your shirts have a target painted on them

- People are already referring to her as the "widow"

- You come home and all that is left of the house is the foundation

- Your name is Fred and a new tattoo just below her navel reads ... "Joe's Place"

**squirt** · 06-04-2009, 10:55 PM

A city boy wanted to marry a country girl. She insists that he has to ask her father for her hand in marriage. So off he goes to their farm to ask her father. "I want to marry your daughter." "Well, my boy you will have to prove to me that you are a man worthy of my daughter." "I'll do anything for my love" says the young man. "You see that cow out in the pasture? Well go screw it." A little puzzled the boy says, "OK, anything for my love." On his return of doing his deed, he asks, "Now can I marry your daughter?" "Nope." says the father, "See that goat over yonder? Well, Go screw it." Again the boy obliges and returns saying, "Now can I marry your daughter?" "Nope. Not yet -- one more thing. See that pig in the sty? Well go to it." Once again he obliges and returns. This time the farmer is amazed at seeing this boy doing these deeds just to marry his daughter. So the father finally tells the boy, "Now you can marry my daughter." To which the boy replies, "SCREW YOUR DAUGHTER, HOW MUCH YOU WANT FOR THAT PIG?"

**squirt** · 06-06-2009, 07:09 PM

Two venerable citizens were talking about King Solomon. "That old Solomon, he was a mighty wise King," mused one of them. "All those wives and concubines; you know sometimes I wonder how he arranged to provide the necessary food for all those women." "How he fed all those women doesn't interest me," said the second man, "I just wonder what he was eating himself."

**squirt** · 06-09-2009, 08:36 PM

There was a little girl and her mother walking through the park one day and they saw two teenagers having sex on a bench. The little girl says, "Mummy what are they doing?" The mother hesitates then quickly replies. "Umm... they're making cakes!" The next day they are at a zoo and the little girl sees two monkeys having sex. Again she asks her mother what they are doing and her mother replies with the same response, making cakes. The next day the girl says to her mother, "Mummy, you and Daddy were making cakes in the living room last night, weren't you?" Shocked, the Mother says, "How do you know that?" She says, "Because I licked the icing off the sofa."

**squirt** · 06-15-2009, 10:02 PM

Because they needed some help around the house, the minister's wife placed an ad for a manservant. Around 8 AM the next morning a nicely dressed young man appeared at their front door. "Can you fix breakfast by 7 AM every day?" the minister asked the young man. "Well ... I guess I can," came the bewildered reply. "And can you make the beds, dust the living room, do the dishes, cut the grass, and polish the silver also?" the minister continued. "Gee, sir, I just came by to see about getting married, but if it's going to be that much work, you can count me out right now!"

arella · 06-21-2009, 04:56 PM

What is the difference between Bird Flu and Swine Flu?

For bird flu you need tweetment and for swine flu you need oinkment.

**squirt** · 06-21-2009, 05:43 PM

lmao ...

**squirt** · 06-23-2009, 11:31 PM

Guy sitting in a bar looked totally dejected. Naturally, the bartender asked him what was wrong. "Tonite's my semi-weekly love making session with my wife." "Well..." replied the barkeep, "that ain't too bad, and it's certainly no cause for such a sad look on your face." "Yeah... true..." the guy replied, "but see... it's also her nite for her semi-weekly headache."

**squirt** · 06-24-2009, 01:12 AM

A man and his wife were talking and he says, "You know, I was thinking of going down to the bar tonight and entering that big dick contest." "Oh honey," she exclaims, "I don't want you taking that out in public!" "But, sweet thing," he says, "the prize is $100." "I don't care," she says. "I don't want you showing that thing to everybody." So he lets the subject drop until the following night when his wife walks in on him in the bedroom, counting out a hundred dollars. "Did you go down and enter that big dick contest last night after I told you not to?" she asks. "Please forgive me, sweetheart." he says. "You mean you took that thing out for everybody to see?" she says, tears welling up in her eyes. The man looks at her fondly and says, "Well, only enough of it to win.

05-26-2009, 12:18 AM	#821 (permalink)
squirt Super Moderator Join Date: May 2004 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 356,008 Rep Power: 8573	ty CB ♥ The first testicular guard "Cup" was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974 It took 100 years for men to realize that the brain is also important

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06-04-2009, 08:07 PM	#822 (permalink)
squirt Super Moderator Join Date: May 2004 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 356,008 Rep Power: 8573	The Relationship With Your Wife/Girlfriend Is Over When ... - She puts your dinner on the floor in the Rover Dish - The milkman is wearing your bathrobe - You get a ticket for the Jerry Springer Show - She starts every sentence with the words ... "To whom it may concern" - Your mail comes addressed to "Current Resident" - The local mortician starts measuring you for a new suit - Her mother looks at you and starts laughing - You are urged to stir your coffee "very well" before drinking it - Your favourite easy chair is plugged into the wall outlet - All of your shirts have a target painted on them - People are already referring to her as the "widow" - You come home and all that is left of the house is the foundation - Your name is Fred and a new tattoo just below her navel reads ... "Joe's Place"

06-04-2009, 10:55 PM	#823 (permalink)
squirt Super Moderator Join Date: May 2004 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 356,008 Rep Power: 8573	A city boy wanted to marry a country girl. She insists that he has to ask her father for her hand in marriage. So off he goes to their farm to ask her father. "I want to marry your daughter." "Well, my boy you will have to prove to me that you are a man worthy of my daughter." "I'll do anything for my love" says the young man. "You see that cow out in the pasture? Well go screw it." A little puzzled the boy says, "OK, anything for my love." On his return of doing his deed, he asks, "Now can I marry your daughter?" "Nope." says the father, "See that goat over yonder? Well, Go screw it." Again the boy obliges and returns saying, "Now can I marry your daughter?" "Nope. Not yet -- one more thing. See that pig in the sty? Well go to it." Once again he obliges and returns. This time the farmer is amazed at seeing this boy doing these deeds just to marry his daughter. So the father finally tells the boy, "Now you can marry my daughter." To which the boy replies, "SCREW YOUR DAUGHTER, HOW MUCH YOU WANT FOR THAT PIG?"

06-06-2009, 07:09 PM	#824 (permalink)
squirt Super Moderator Join Date: May 2004 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 356,008 Rep Power: 8573	Two venerable citizens were talking about King Solomon. "That old Solomon, he was a mighty wise King," mused one of them. "All those wives and concubines; you know sometimes I wonder how he arranged to provide the necessary food for all those women." "How he fed all those women doesn't interest me," said the second man, "I just wonder what he was eating himself."

06-09-2009, 08:36 PM	#825 (permalink)
squirt Super Moderator Join Date: May 2004 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 356,008 Rep Power: 8573	There was a little girl and her mother walking through the park one day and they saw two teenagers having sex on a bench. The little girl says, "Mummy what are they doing?" The mother hesitates then quickly replies. "Umm... they're making cakes!" The next day they are at a zoo and the little girl sees two monkeys having sex. Again she asks her mother what they are doing and her mother replies with the same response, making cakes. The next day the girl says to her mother, "Mummy, you and Daddy were making cakes in the living room last night, weren't you?" Shocked, the Mother says, "How do you know that?" She says, "Because I licked the icing off the sofa."

06-15-2009, 10:02 PM	#826 (permalink)
squirt Super Moderator Join Date: May 2004 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 356,008 Rep Power: 8573	Because they needed some help around the house, the minister's wife placed an ad for a manservant. Around 8 AM the next morning a nicely dressed young man appeared at their front door. "Can you fix breakfast by 7 AM every day?" the minister asked the young man. "Well ... I guess I can," came the bewildered reply. "And can you make the beds, dust the living room, do the dishes, cut the grass, and polish the silver also?" the minister continued. "Gee, sir, I just came by to see about getting married, but if it's going to be that much work, you can count me out right now!"

06-21-2009, 04:56 PM	#827 (permalink)
arella Jokaroo VIP Status Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Ah...rella like cinderella Posts: 127,613 Rep Power: 5911	What is the difference between Bird Flu and Swine Flu? For bird flu you need tweetment and for swine flu you need oinkment.

06-21-2009, 05:43 PM	#828 (permalink)
squirt Super Moderator Join Date: May 2004 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 356,008 Rep Power: 8573	lmao ...

06-23-2009, 11:31 PM	#829 (permalink)
squirt Super Moderator Join Date: May 2004 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 356,008 Rep Power: 8573	Guy sitting in a bar looked totally dejected. Naturally, the bartender asked him what was wrong. "Tonite's my semi-weekly love making session with my wife." "Well..." replied the barkeep, "that ain't too bad, and it's certainly no cause for such a sad look on your face." "Yeah... true..." the guy replied, "but see... it's also her nite for her semi-weekly headache."

06-24-2009, 01:12 AM	#830 (permalink)
squirt Super Moderator Join Date: May 2004 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 356,008 Rep Power: 8573	A man and his wife were talking and he says, "You know, I was thinking of going down to the bar tonight and entering that big dick contest." "Oh honey," she exclaims, "I don't want you taking that out in public!" "But, sweet thing," he says, "the prize is $100." "I don't care," she says. "I don't want you showing that thing to everybody." So he lets the subject drop until the following night when his wife walks in on him in the bedroom, counting out a hundred dollars. "Did you go down and enter that big dick contest last night after I told you not to?" she asks. "Please forgive me, sweetheart." he says. "You mean you took that thing out for everybody to see?" she says, tears welling up in her eyes. The man looks at her fondly and says, "Well, only enough of it to win.