short but sweet ...

[Bamber]

I have just received an envelope marked "Photographs Do Not Bend".

The Postal Service has, however, proven that they do.




I noticed in the news that thousands of Indians were out watching the recent solar eclipse.

That'll explain why I couldn't get an answer when I tried to phone my bank.

[konifur2]

note;whilst on the subject of postal services.
honest, this is not a joke.
NEVER lick the gum on an envelope.
my nephews friend works for the company who makes the glue for envelopes.for daily fun the employers often spit and empty their nasal passages and now and again empty their testicles into the vat of glue.i dread to think what the girls who work there add to it.

[squirt]

I get the peel and stick kind lol

[squirt]

When a pregnant mother and he four-year-old son were shopping, he was asked by a woman if he was excited about the new baby. `Yes,’ he replied, `and I know what we’re gonna call it too. If it’s a girl we’ll call her Mary and if it’s another brat we’re gonna call it Quits.’

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Did you hear about the baby who swallowed a safety pin?
Her mother did not panic. It was a Safety Pin

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Is your baby a boy or a girl?
Of course, what else could it be?

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Why is it nice being a baby?
It is a nappy time

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Why did the baby’s balloon burst?
Because it saw the lolly pop

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Handy hint: Feed your baby onions so you can find it in the dark

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Our baby looks just like me. But that’s ok, As long as he’s healthy

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They said our baby looked like me. Until they turned him the right side up

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When I was born, everyone was so happy. Even the doctor said, `I think it’s a baby.’

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He was such a big baby, that the doctor was afraid to slap him

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He used to be a bottle baby, but when he was ten, he pushed the cork out and escaped

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He’s been hitting the bottle for years. He’ll be two tomorrow

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Panic: When your baby-sitter calls to ask you where you keep the fire-extinguisher

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Anxiety: Getting up to see why the baby isn’t crying

[konifur2]

Is your baby a boy or a girl?
Of course, what else could it be?

HAIR DRESSER?

[squirt]

lol ... good point lol

[squirt]

A heavily bandaged man was sitting up in bed in hospital when his friend walked in. `What happened to you?”

Patient: `Well, we went to Alton Towers and decided to ride the roller coaster. As we came up to the top of the highest loop, I noticed a little sign by the side of the track. I tried to read it but it was too small to make it out. I was so curious that I decided to go on round again, but we went around so quickly that I still couldn’t see what the sign said. By now I was determined to read that sign, so I went round for the third time. As we reached the top, I stood up in my car to get a better view.’

Friend: `And did you manage to see what the sign said this time?’

Patient: `Yes. “Remain seated at all times” ‘

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I had a terrible accident. I had the right of way, but the other guy had the Mack Truck.

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Dodo died, Dodi died, Di Died, Dando died. Surely Dido’s looking a bit worried ...

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Every time my wife has an accident in the kitchen, I get it for dinner.

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He’s so unlucky that he gets into accidents that started to happen to someone else.

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I never had an accident until 1997 ... Then I got a car ...

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He had a terrible accident. He flew the plane into the tunnel without checking the train timetable.

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Have you ever had a car accident?

Well, I met my wife at a petrol station… Does that count?

[Bamber]

OK Squirt, where'd you get the "Book of British Jokes"?

[konifur2]

Originally Posted by Bamber

OK Squirt, where'd you get the "Book of British Jokes"?

in the words of meatloaf...you took the word right out of my mouth.

[squirt]

Originally Posted by Bamber

OK Squirt, where'd you get the "Book of British Jokes"?

Originally Posted by konifur2

in the words of meatloaf...you took the word right out of my mouth.

from a friend in India! lol