Why Older Women Are Better
An older woman will never wake you up in the middle of
the night and ask you, "What are you thinking?" An older
woman doesn't care what you think.
An older woman always carries a condom in her purse. A
younger woman is still hoping the guy might have one on him.
An older woman is a cheaper date. A younger woman will
cost you 12 beers, but an older woman will sleep with
you after a cup of a herbal tea.
The older a woman gets, the stronger her libido gets and
the older a man gets, the weaker his libido gets... which
is why nature intended young guys to go out with older
women and young women to go out with older men.
An older woman can wear bright red lipstick during the
day without looking like she just had an adventure inside
a jam jar. This is not true of younger women or drag queens.
Older women can run faster because they're always
wearing sensible shoes.
An older woman is into free sex! An older woman is almost
always already attached to someone, so there's no need to
develop a phobia about committing to her. The last thing
she needs in her life is another clingy, whiny, dependent
Older women are more honest. An older woman will tell you
that you are an asshole if you're acting like one. A young
woman will say nothing, just in case it means you might
break up with her.
An older woman will never get pregnant and then suddenly
demand that the two of you get married. In fact, if you
impregnate an older woman, you will probably be the last
Older women have jobs with dental plans. Younger women
can't help you when your teeth get knocked out playing
An older woman will never accuse you of "using her."
She's using you!
Older women take charge of the situation. An older
woman will call you up and ask you for a date. A younger
woman will wait forever, by the phone, for you to call.
Older women know how to cook. Young women know how
to dial Pizza Hut Take out.
An older woman will introduce you to all of her
girlfriends. A younger woman will avoid her girlfriends
when she's with you, in case you get any ideas.
Older women are psychic. You never have to confess to
having an affair, because somehow they always know.
Older women often own an interesting collection of
lingerie that they have acquired from admirers over
the years. Young women often don't wear underpants
at all, thus practically eliminating all possibility
of a strip-tease.
Older women know what Kegel exercises are.
Younger women are too nervous to eat anything in
front of somebody that they might possibly boff later.
Older women are dignified. They are beyond having a
screaming match with you in the middle of the night
in a public park.
Older women are experienced. They understand that
sometimes, after 12 beers, a boy just can't get it
up. A younger woman may need some time to grasp
An older woman will always meet the minimum height
requirement to go on an amusement ride.
An older woman will never accuse you of stealing the
best years of her youth because chances are someone
else has stolen them first.