Signs your wife is bored
of having sex with you.
When you request sex, she replies, "Wait 'til the
Nyquil kicks in."
Gets very upset when the ashtray falls off your arse.
Actually answers when you ask, "Who's your daddy?"
Last time she screamed during sex was the first time
she won at solitaire.
Only moans during commercial breaks.
Starts her fake orgasms during foreplay.
Keeps trying to set you up with her friends.
Runs for vacant Senate seat in New York.
You begin to suspect she is only "playing" dead.
Her moans of delight discovered to actually
be a WAV file.
Instead of asking to leave her shirt on, she
wants to leave her pants on too.
Keeps asking, "Are you SURE you're not gay?"
Holds up a picture of the Playboy centerfold to hurry
Asks to be on top so she can balance her
checkbook more easily.
Bangs her head on the headboard BEFORE you begin.."