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Thread: A soon-to-be wife's letter to her soon-to-be husband

  1. #1
    Member redting's Avatar
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    Talking A soon-to-be wife's letter to her soon-to-be husband

    Dear soon-to-be husband,

    I thank you whole-heartedly for considering me to be
    your future wife.
    We have a very bright future ahead of us, and it can
    be even brighter if you take note to a few things that
    are a part of what makes a marriage between a man and
    a woman work and become successful. Please take the
    time to read over the conditions below that I have
    set-forth for you.

    1. I will not do any dishes by hand, if you expect me
    to do dishes, either hire a maid or buy a dishwasher.
    You can locate one at any appliance store between $200
    and $400.

    2. I will not wash your laundry in the bathtub while
    you work over-time to save up for a washer. I will not
    pack wet clothes into a laundry basket and tote it to
    any clothes line. I must have a working washer
    and dryer to do laundry. If you expect me to pack our
    dirty laundry into my vehicle and take it to a public
    Laundromat, you can do it yourself....3 towns away
    where no one knows us.

    3. I will not get on my hands and knees to scrub any
    floors. I must have a Swiffer mop and Swiffer broom
    if you expect to have clean floors. That manual stuff
    is for the birds...or you can again, hire a maid.

    4. I will not clean up after your friends at anytime
    during our marriage. If they make a mess be it puke,
    piss or simply leaving their glass on the coffee
    table....it's your responsibility and not mine!

    5. I will not entertain your folks while you skip out
    on me. If your folks come over for the day or the
    weekend, I expect you to give me the Neiman Marcus
    card and JC Penny card so that I may go on an all day
    shopping venture or at least the Master Card so that I
    can rent a room in the town's finest hotel. There is
    no way I am doing your job for you!

    6. I will not take out the trash. If you won't do it,
    look forward to repairing the garbage disposal in the
    sink because that is where the tv remote, your cell
    phone, your car keys, and your baseball cards will go
    if I EVER have to ask you to take out the trash more
    than once!

    7. I am not about to stoop over and pick up your
    clothing from the floor. If you leave your clothes on
    the floor and they are not placed in the laundry
    hamper, I will politely donate them to the Good Will
    or to some other agency...I don't care if you did drive
    to one hundred different stores to find your favorite
    shirt.

    8. I will not tolerate your neglect to flush after you
    use the bathroom. I don't like sitting on a pissy
    toilet seat or having dirty water splashing up on my
    ass so if you want to avoid me taking a piss on
    you...you'll flush! Plain and simple!

    9. You are responsible for paying 70% of the bills. I
    pay less because society, after all these years, is
    still critical of a woman in the workplace, therefore
    you make more then me. Every time you get a raise,
    you get another bill.

    10. Sex is something that we should both enjoy.
    Therefore when I say I don't feel like it, don't ask
    me again later. For every time you ask me for sex,
    after I have told you once that I don't feel like it,
    is another day you don't get any. If I ask you for
    sex and you put me off, your friend gets it and you
    still don't get any.

    Sincerely.

    Your soon-to-be Wife

  2. #2
    Super Moderator SpiderWeb's Avatar
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    WOW.......a bossy little thing......you think he is still going to marry this one???

  3. #3
    Senior Member dave289's Avatar
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    No, because I married her instead !!!

    The conditions were changed slightly for me ....

    9. read 85% (instead of 70%)

    10. Sex ? You have to be joking !!! Only in months without an R or U in them.

  4. #4
    Moderator Patrish's Avatar
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    You go girl, and have him sign and notorize that one!!! Yep yep!!

    Wish I did....

    Ephesians 5:3-5

    3 But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity...these are improper for God's holy people. 4 Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking




  5. #5
    Member sensitive romantic's Avatar
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    Should be titled "Letter from a never-to-be-married-woman, to a-man-too-stupid-to-figure-it-out."

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