I've got superman's dick!

I have to visit my Doctor every six months or so to regulate some pills that I take. They tell me without these pills, “I’ll DIE.” So while it may be an inconvenience, it’s something I have to do, so I do. On one occasion, I set up my appointment and upon getting there learned that my regular doctor just happened to be on vacation so another Doctor agreed to see me. The Doctor that agreed to see me just happened to be a female.

I’ve never been one to get embarrassed easily, so her asking me to take my shirt off, cough, do the cold stethoscope and two fingers tap on the back thing didn’t bother me. After this minor inspection that all doctors do, she reviewed my chart and told me the same old thing that I always hear at physicals. You need to drop a few pounds, quit smoking, exercise more and give the caffeine a break. It always amazes me that Doctors always seem to take my top ten list of things that I enjoy doing and then request I stop doing them. Go figure! Then out of nowhere my female doctor asked me a question that completely caught me off guard. “How’s your sex life are you having any problems?” WHAT THE FUCK? My first reaction was, why have you heard something? Have you been talking to my lovely wife? Has she complained? I guess she noticed I was completely taken back by this question, so she quickly explained to me the question by saying that some men my age start having “Difficulties” during sex. Again, my Wife came to mind, I thought I was doing great in this area but maybe I’m not as good as I think. Had she said something? Anyway THANK GOD the female Doctor was looking me in the eye when she made this comment, if she had been looking at my crotch at the time, I think I would have cried. The “MEN MY AGE” comment did bother me a bit, it made me feel somewhat older, but I figured I’d let that one slide. It was the “difficulties” thing that bothered me. What “difficulties” was she referring to? It was then that I thought this was just too good a chance to pass up on. How often do you get to discuss fornication with a person of the opposite sex that you don’t know? And a young attractive female Doctor no less! I’m always willing to learn new things. So yes, I had to run with this!

Difficulties, you say? To what may you be referring? Surely she’s not suggesting older guys such as my self forget what goes where? I believe I’m still up on the female anatomy road map. My wife’s belly button is still in its original shape. It’s never crossed my mind to stop and ask directions during sex! Head south past the belly button…I know this! “What possibly could you mean Doctor?” I asked. The Doctor followed up her “Difficulties” comment with, “Some men have trouble with their Penis maintaining an erection.” Wow! We’re going to talk about ERECTIONS! Suddenly I realized I could listen to this woman saying the word Penis or erections all day! If I knew she wouldn’t find it inappropriate, I would have asked her to repeat the penis statement, over and over. Penis, penis, penis, penis, those words coming from her mouth, rolling off her tongue, yes I could listen all day! She then asked me if I would be interested in a prescription for Viagra. The quicker picker upper! The blue pill with the thrill! Suddenly a million questions flooded my mind. Viagra! Ah, another can of worms to open. Now we’re getting somewhere.

I couldn’t help but ask her how they work. She responded by telling me the technicalities of taking the little blue pills. “You should take it approximately an hour before having sex. The effects can last up to six hours, however if I should happen to have an erection for more than six hours I should contact my Physician. Side effects include, flushing, headaches and sometimes an upset stomach.” The questions in my mind continued to build.

One, rarely does my Wife give me an hours notice before we have sex. I can’t think of a time she has ever given me a countdown. Honey, we’re going to have sex in T minus 57 minutes and counting. Take your Blue pill and get that pecker ready for blast off! Sex with us is usually more of a spur of the moment kind of thing. Sitting on the couch listening to music, a little cuddling begins, kisses here and there start happening and then…lift off!

Two, a hard on can last up to six hours? If only I could live up to that kind of promise! At my age, the after meal cuddling, a little foreplay and the actual sex act lasts a couple of hours at best. 20 minutes tops if she’s wearing that nurses outfit that I gave her! (I sure do like that outfit!) After two hours, a coronary would probably set in. After three, they would be hitting me with the electric paddles. Any more time than that and my penis isn’t hard from the blue pills, it’s due to rigamortis has set in. Also in regards to having an erection for 6 hours, don’t I wish? If this happens call my Doctor? Hell, I’m calling all of my old girlfriends from high school! Putting a full-page ad out in my local paper! Shoot, I’d have that puppy out showing it to everybody! Yep, that’s right! Been this way for six hours! In regards to the side effects, my horniness wins over an upset stomach and a headache any day. Give me a migraine, a full-blown gas attack and a super charged hard on at the same time and I’m still banging somebody. So, I have no problem with the side effects.

I still had other questions for her. How does the excess blood know where to go? Why don’t my fingers just go hard instead of my penis? I figure I’ve got just the right amount of blood in my system in order for my body to work perfectly. So if blood rushes to my wand of pleasure, does it short me somewhere else? In other words will my toes go numb or will my tongue get all screwy? What tells the blood, OK, you can stop going to the penis now? Can your penis become over engorged and possibly explode? What happens if I take more than the recommended dosage? Does a SUPERMAN HARD ON occur? Can I hurt somebody with this thing? Can I go sexually mad from lack of blood going to the brain? She was starting to get a little agitated with me, her response was simply; ask your regular Doctor when he gets back. I think she’d figured me out and had had enough of me. I told her I’d take the pills.

The first time I took them it was amazing. My average loyal subject dick quickly became KING of all dicks. To steal a line from Eddie Murphy, when under the influence of this little blue pill, my dick gets hard when the wind blows. Mention a word that has the letters s-e-x in it and boing, Dan we have a problem. The letters don’t even have to be in the correct order. That’s all it takes. This makes it embarrassing in public places. You find yourself keeping your hands in your pockets…A LOT! You have a tendency to sit closer to the table at restaurants. The phrase “Down boy!” becomes a major part of your vocabulary. Also, going to a public restroom is a definite no no. Men generally get upset with you when you’ve got a raging hard on at the urinal beside them. Not cool! The act of peeing itself is almost impossible if not terribly difficult. With your penis a full mast, you have to gauge how far back from the urinal you need to be for the arch of your pee to actually land in it. You then must continually adjust your stance going forward and backward, depending on the velocity of your spray. That is if your spray is a stream and not a seven directional fountain, which does seem to happen at these moments. This is another thing that has a tendency to upset the person standing beside you. Hopefully those aren’t new shoes he’s wearing. And the SEX! Oh my God if a rocket had this much thrust we’d have visited Mars by now, wait we’ve visited mars, then some other planet! On the blue pill you have explosive capabilities. Jack Hammers are pale in comparison to your new found abilities. I now have a new nickname for my penis…The Pillar of Pleasure! To my Wife, I am now a GOD! All mortal penises should worship mine!

Anyway I digress; it was an interesting Doctor’s visit. It was full of useful information and a whole lotta smiles. I am still waiting for that time though where I get to place that full-page ad in the paper. “Dan’s dick maintains erection for 6 hours. Wife’s obituary is on page 3!”