Twist on the 3 little pigs! hehehehehe!

Sometime ago I had to do a rather interesting class assignment. We had to pick a fairytale ( I forgot, this was months ago! :P ). Anyways I chose to do "The Three little pigs" since I had random inspiration. I also decided to put some Russian History in as a part of my parody since Russian History is quite neat, I took a class on it.

well, what am I supposed to say? I was trying to leave a peaceful life. I tried everything and it seemed not to work. Those three little pigs liked to annoy me and make my life misreble. Whenever I tried to mow my lawn, that brick laying pig always threw bricks under my lawnmower to make it break. Right now I am sitting in jail for something thanks to those little pigs. I find it sad that I am sitting here and they are trying to spread all of these nasty rumors about me in these kids books that make me look like a bad person. Well, here is my story.
I was having a party with some Russian Tsars and we were having a good time like always. We were passing very high caffinated drinks around and having a blast like adults do when they are drinking. I made some dinner, but my guests comsumed it before I was able to get a bite before I would start drinking. Now, I must admit that I was kind of plastered on caffine. I felt a compelling need to get something to eat. While we continued to party, one of the little pigs decided to throw some sticks at my window and it was starting to annoy myself and my party guests. I offered to head out and root the noise and ask them to kindly stop this.

I walked down the path that lead to the little pig's house that was made of straw. The caffine was flowing in my mind and I was trying to keep myself steady. I didn't know that it was the one with the sticks who started this but, my mind was elsewhere. I came out to his house and said, " Little pig, little pig, I need to come inside to talk to you about something".
The little pig replied " You aren't comming in by my chinny chin chin".
As I stood there trying to think on what to say next, a piece of straw blew into my nose and I started to sneeze. I sneezed and the house blew down. When I opened my eyes, I saw the pig lying dead there in the center of the house. Soon I realized I had a chance to make my caffine content go down by eating it and since it was dead I wouldn't be wasting anything. I ate the pig and felt a little bit less caffinated.
Soon I came to my senses that the real culprit in throwing sticks at my house was the pig that used sticks to build his house out of. I soon found myself walking the path to the pig's house. I soon came to the door and said " Little pig, little pig, I need to talk to you about something".
" You aren't comming in. I refuse to talk to you about what I have done to you", the pig replied.
Still feeling caffinated I stood there wondering what to say next some dirt blew into my nose. I tried to hold my sneeze, but soon it came out and when I opened my eyes the house was gone. In the middle of the wreackage was the little pig who was dead. I soon came to the body and decided that I once again had the chance to lower my caffine content. I ate the pig and proceeded back to my house.
Peter the Great was standing at the doorway holding two one gallon tubs of pepsi mixed with root beer. " You won't believe this", Peter said while he hiccuped, " This pig came over and threw a brick at us".
" Well, it seems that I need to have a talk with him", I said.
" Take this full one gallon pepsi, you are going to need it", Peter said as he handed me the tub.
I must say, while I walked all the way to the pig's house, I drank the entire tub and was feeling my caffine levels shoot through the roof. When I got there, I figured the pig was expecing me since it had a sign that said " No, I don't want to talk about what I did". I said " Little pig, little pig. We need to have a talk about something that has happened".
" Didn't you see the sign? I told you I don't want to talk", the pig replied.
Well, my caffinated side decided to throw a fit since these pigs had ruined my night with my guests. I huffed and puffed and while this was happening, the pig called SWAT to imobilize me. When they came, they tased me and I went out cold from all the caffine. Later I woke up in a jail cell and foundout I was getting quite the bad charges.
So that is my story, I hope those little pigs haven't brainwashed you with theirs yet. I wonder if I am going to ever get out again and drink my beloved caffine again.