05-09-2008, 06:15 PM
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#451 (permalink) |
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Jokaroo VIP Status
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: NORTH DAKOTA! Roaming In Mountainlion Country!
Posts: 71,187
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12: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
13: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed. 14: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything. 15: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers. 16: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy. 17: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer. 19: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights: a) Yeah, Baby, Push it! b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder! c) Another set and we can hit the showers! 20: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need. 21: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue. 22: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.  |
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05-13-2008, 10:06 PM
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#459 (permalink) |
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Jokaroo VIP Status
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: NORTH DAKOTA! Roaming In Mountainlion Country!
Posts: 71,187
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I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger.... then it hit me.
Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was.... resisting a rest. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was.... Sir Cumference. The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a..... little behind in his work. To write with a broken pencil is..... pointless. When fish are in schools they sometimes take..... debate. The dwarf fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a.....small medium at large. A thief who stole a calendar got..... twelve months.  |
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05-14-2008, 01:39 AM
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#460 (permalink) |
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Jokaroo VIP Status
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: NORTH DAKOTA! Roaming In Mountainlion Country!
Posts: 71,187
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If you want someone who will do anything to please you, get a dog.
If you want someone who will bring you the newspaper without tearing through it first for the sports page, get a dog. If you want someone who'll make a total fool of himself because he's so glad to see you, get a dog. If you want someone who eats whatever you put in front of him and never says his mother made it better, get a dog. If you want someone who's always eager to go out any time you ask and anywhere you want to go, get a dog. If you want someone who can scare away burglars without waving a lethal weapon around, endangering you and all the neighbours, get a dog. If you want someone who never touches the remote, couldn't care less about Monday Night Football, and watches dramatic movies with you as long as you want, get a dog. If you want someone who'll be content just to snuggle up and keep you warm in bed, and who you can kick out of bed if he slobbers and snores, get a dog. If you want someone who never criticizes anything you do, doesn't care how good or bad you look, acts as though every word you say is worth hearing, never complains, and loves you unconditionally all the time, get a dog! On the other hand... If you want someone who never comes when you call him, totally ignores you when you walk in the room, leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you, prowls around all night and come home only to eat and sleep all day, and acts as though you are there only to see that He's happy... … … … … … … Get a CAT!
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