Thought For The Day

[mountainlion20032003]

You can make yourself sick or well by the habitual thoughts you think. Don't drain back into your body the diseased thoughts of your mind.

[mountainlion20032003]

A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in
the pants.

Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't
be promoted.

You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry
a clipboard.

If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use
being a fool about it.

Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a
cocktail hour.

When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

Machines that have broken down will work perfectly when the
repairman arrives.

Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes
it worse.

After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end
of the month than you did before.

You will always get the greatest recognition for the job you
least like.

If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

[mountainlion20032003]

You can make yourself sick or well by the habitual thoughts you think. Don't drain back into your body the diseased thoughts of your mind.

[mountainlion20032003]

A patient was waiting nervously in the
examination room of a famous specialist.

"So who did you see before coming to me?"
asked the doctor.

"My local General Practitioner."

"Your GP?" scoffed the doctor. "What a
waste of time. Tell me, what sort of
useless advice did he give you?"

"He told me to come and see you."

[mountainlion20032003]

A Somewhat Improved Glossary of Your PC's Messages

It says: "Press Any Key"
It means: "Press any key you like but I'm not moving."

It says: "Press A Key"
(This one's a programmers joke. Nothing happens unless you press the "A" key.)

It says: "Fatal Error. Please contact technical support
quoting error no. 1A4-2546512430E"
It means: "... where you will be kept on hold for 10 minutes,
only to be told that it's a hardware problem."

It says: "Installing program to C:...."
It means: "... And I'll also be writing a few files into
c:windows and c:windowssystem where you'll NEVER find them."

It says: "Please insert disk 11"
It means: "Because I know darn well there are only 10 disks."

It says: "Not enough memory"
It means: "I don't CARE if you've got 64MB of RAM, I want to
use the bit below 640K."

It says: "Cannot read from drive D:...."
It means: "... However, if you put the CD in right side up..."

It says: "Please Wait...."
It means: "... Indefinitely."

It says: "Directory does not exist...."
It means: ".... any more. Whoops."

It says: "The application caused an error. Choose Ignore or Close."
It means: "....Makes no difference to me, you're still not
getting your work back."

[mountainlion20032003]

Signs That Old Age Might Be Creeping Up On You ...

*You like to be in crowds because they keep you from falling down.

*Your favorite section of the newspaper is "25 Years Ago Today".

*The parts that have arthritis are the parts where you feel best.

*A big evening with your friends is sitting around comparing living wills.

*Your clothes go into the overnight bag so you can fill the suitcase with your pills.

*Somebody you consider an old-timer calls you an old-timer.

*Your idea of a change of scenery is looking to the left or right.

*Your knees buckle, but your belt won't.

[mountainlion20032003]

Bambi, a young blonde sidled up to a guest at
the party. She had heard him addressed as doctor
and now she said diffidently, "doctor, may I ask a question?"

"Certainly," he said.

"Lately," said Bambi, "I have been having a funny
pain right here under the heart..."

The guest interrupted uncomfortably and said, "I'm
terribly sorry, Bambi, but the truth is, I'm a doctor of philosophy."

"Oh," said the blonde, "I'm sorry!" She turned away,
but then overcome with curiosity, she turned back.
"Just one more question, doctor. Tell me, what kind
of disease is philosophy?"

[mountainlion20032003]

You can make yourself sick or well by the habitual thoughts you think. Don't drain back into your body the diseased thoughts of your mind.

[mountainlion20032003]

YOU KNOW YOU'RE GETTING OLD When...

* Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.

* You feel like it's the "morning after", but you didn't go
anywhere the night before.

* You sit in a rocking chair but can't get it going.

* You bend over to tie your shoes and ask yourself, "Is
there anything else I need to do while I'm down here?"

* You sit down to the breakfast table, and the snap, crackle,
pop you hear isn't your breakfast cereal.

* People call at 9:00 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"

* Dialing long distance wears you out.

* Your little black book contains names ending only in "M.D."

* Your daughter takes you out to dinner, and the cashier
takes one look and gives you both Senior discounts.

* You have as students the grandchildren of your former students.

* You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.

* Your favorite part of the newspaper is "25 years ago today."

* You're proud of your lawn mower.

* The little gray-haired lady you help across the street
is your wife.

* You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.

* The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your glasses.

* You watch a pretty girl go by and your pacemaker makes the
garage door open.

* You finally know all the answers, but no one asks you the questions!

[mountainlion20032003]

The more problems you have, the more alive you are.