THE COLORS IN MY WORLD (each day i will add a new one)

[roadkill]

Originally Posted by roadkill

as i try to slow my mind down...the only pictures that are playing are dark and gloomy...there is enough darkness in this world...so tonight there will be no picture to paint...the only thing that is light is a poem i wrote for my daughter as i was battling the cancer a few years ago...we were having some disagreements as she was going through her teen years...we had a hard time seeing eye to eye on some topics and choices...years later when i was diagnosed i wrote her this poem..i hope you enjoy it

BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER
writtenby Ken J. C.
SOMETIMES AS A DAD
THINGS CAN BE A MESS
I DON'T ALWAYS GET IT RIGHT
AND THAT’S MY FAULT I GUESS
SOMETIMES MY EDGES ARE ROUGH
MY WORDS NOT SO SMART
BUT IF YOU LOOK DEEP INSIDE
YOU'LL FIND A SENSITIVE HEART
YES DEEP WITHIN THAT HEART
THIS I KNOW TO BE TRUE
YOU'RE MY BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER
AND I LOVE YOU.

posted with the ok from my daughter

[squirt]

Originally Posted by roadkill

awww thank you squirt for your kind words and encouragement...the colors i share are the beautiful ones...the dark ones i keep to myself...their is enough darkness in this world...i will not share those here...the purpose of this thread is brighten up the world...so tonight there will not be one to share...but they will continue..this i promise.
smooches

even through the darkest of nights, a single ray of light can be found, for it is through trials and tribulations, we gain strength and wisdom as well as a new found appreciation for the beautiful moments, hand in hand we shall walk this earth, not seeing through each other, but seeing each other through ...
*smooches!!!* love ...

[roadkill]

Originally Posted by squirt

even through the darkest of nights, a single ray of light can be found, for it is through trials and tribulations, we gain strength and wisdom as well as a new found appreciation for the beautiful moments, hand in hand we shall walk this earth, not seeing through each other, but seeing each other through ...
*smooches!!!* love ...

when the sky is darkest that is when the stars are the brightest...you are so right doll...that is why i posted the poem i wrote for my daughter...she will always be my brightest star.
smooches

[roadkill]

Originally Posted by Angy

Can I join you to watch the sunset hunny ... that time when the world seems to be betwixt and between is magical especially when you can share ... may angels watch over you when you dream

i would be honored if you joined me to watch the sunset sweet lady...it is a very magical time of day...and since it is not mine to give i would consider it an honor to share...thank you angy and may the angels always light your path. hugs

[roadkill]

Originally Posted by Angy

That was beautiful Ken, the pictures that you draw seem so vivid ... I can picture it in my mind's eye ... thank you when you write that book you can include me in the list of people who want a copy

awww angy you are too kind...thank you for your kind words...i am just glad that my words paint the picture that your mind's eye can see...as far as writting a book well that was just afleeting thought...but if i ever do i will be sure to send you a free copy

[roadkill]

as another day in my simple but complicated life comes to a close...i shut my eyes and look inside my head to slow my mind and thoughts...i begin to see a world that few will ever understand...as i try to slow the movie down it can sometimes start out blurred and jumbled..but some how i am allowed to glanceit this world i see and get a real feel for it..after all i have lived it at one time or another...i see myself walking along an empty beach....the waves hiting the shore rolling over onto themselves..as one leaves to return to the wateranother comesin and rollsover the one leaving....i look skyward and i see a remarkable sunset..the soft pinks...the bold reds...the deep voilets..all reflecting onto th rolling water...i see a lone gull riding the air current....he appears motionless the sky continues to darken...as the sun sinks into its home for the night...i see a woman holding a small child in her arms high above the one cloud...she seems to be trying to speak to me but i do not hear her words...she jesters to me to close my eyes and rest...i have seen this woman before...i can not place where...why is she above the cloud...questions that may never get answered...i see a strange glow emitting all around her...a deep calm comes over me..my mind slows...she takes me to that other world where my mind rests...if only for a moment

[Angy]

Originally Posted by roadkill

as another day in my simple but complicated life comes to a close...i shut my eyes and look inside my head to slow my mind and thoughts...i begin to see a world that few will ever understand...as i try to slow the movie down it can sometimes start out blurred and jumbled..but some how i am allowed to glanceit this world i see and get a real feel for it..after all i have lived it at one time or another...i see myself walking along an empty beach....the waves hiting the shore rolling over onto themselves..as one leaves to return to the wateranother comesin and rollsover the one leaving....i look skyward and i see a remarkable sunset..the soft pinks...the bold reds...the deep voilets..all reflecting onto th rolling water...i see a lone gull riding the air current....he appears motionless the sky continues to darken...as the sun sinks into its home for the night...i see a woman holding a small child in her arms high above the one cloud...she seems to be trying to speak to me but i do not hear her words...she jesters to me to close my eyes and rest...i have seen this woman before...i can not place where...why is she above the cloud...questions that may never get answered...i see a strange glow emitting all around her...a deep calm comes over me..my mind slows...she takes me to that other world where my mind rests...if only for a moment

that is beautiful Ken ... may angels watch over you while you sleep

[roadkill]

Originally Posted by Angy

that is beautiful Ken ... may angels watch over you while you sleep

thank you angy for your kind words once again...i am glad that you enjoy these little visions that appear to relieve the stress of my everyday life..may angels always be with you sweet lady
hugs sweety

[roadkill]

today draws to a close in the most stressful of times...my words have not be smart all day...plans made in my head have not been fulfilled...when will i realize that i am not in control of this outside world...when will i open my mouth more than to just insert a foot...i have made many mistakes today...but i know that there was some time spent that i will always be grateful for....when i was allowed to just be me...laugh at just being silly...like a child once more...then reality sets in and i realize that my words could hurt and not mean to...i am so beside myself that i may have hurt those closest to me...i can only pray to my God that the hearts i have hurt can forgive me...i try to understand a world that i feel i do not belong...the tears that i may have caused sink deep into my soul as i try to apologize...will i be given that second chance to make things right or have i hurt their heart so bad that they can not give me that chance...my tears flow freely as i try to find my words all jumbled inside of my head like like lottery numbers in the machine...twirling and spinning out of control...will the angel appear tonight to allow my mind to rest or is this her way of saying tonight you will ponder your mistakes and think hard what i have done to another human soul...i guess time will tell...tonight i ponder on a day that does not truly close

[roadkill]

Originally Posted by roadkill

today draws to a close in the most stressful of times...my words have not be smart all day...plans made in my head have not been fulfilled...when will i realize that i am not in control of this outside world...when will i open my mouth more than to just insert a foot...i have made many mistakes today...but i know that there was some time spent that i will always be grateful for....when i was allowed to just be me...laugh at just being silly...like a child once more...then reality sets in and i realize that my words could hurt and not mean to...i am so beside myself that i may have hurt those closest to me...i can only pray to my God that the hearts i have hurt can forgive me...i try to understand a world that i feel i do not belong...the tears that i may have caused sink deep into my soul as i try to apologize...will i be given that second chance to make things right or have i hurt their heart so bad that they can not give me that chance...my tears flow freely as i try to find my words all jumbled inside of my head like like lottery numbers in the machine...twirling and spinning out of control...will the angel appear tonight to allow my mind to rest or is this her way of saying tonight you will ponder your mistakes and think hard what i have done to another human soul...i guess time will tell...tonight i ponder on a day that does not truly close

well it appears my mind will not slow enough to give me rest..so here i am once more...trying to find comfort in a mind that is racing out of control...i see the events of the day repeating themselves like a bad commercial on the television...is what i am seeing the truth or some force that is trying to invade my serenity...sometimes things are not as they first appear but then what appears to be seen as an invading force is shown to be truths...is what i see the reality of such a world that would decieve even the keenest of minds or is it that my mind has been so programmed to want to not see the obvious...when the mind and heart are on a different page...this is when i become the most confused...i reckon that one day i will find that perfect place where the heart and mind will meet on the same page... i see the artists brush stroking the canvas but no picture appears...there are no brilliant colors left behind after the brush leaves the canvas...only the dull gray color of the canvas itself...a figure appears in front of me ...no face does it have ...i ask where are all those colors that i once seen?...who has stolen them from my mind?...there is no voice...no jesture...just a blank faceless figure appearing before me...as if some force has wiped the canvas clean...like chalk on a blackboard...it only remains as long as it is allowed to stay...i guess my time here has reached its final stages and the colors no longer vibrant ...have now become shades of gray... will the artist who put these colors to the canvas be able to revitalize them or are they gone forever...perhaps the artist has wished for them to be erased from a memory that was once so full of thought and recollection of what was once young and free....has now become captive to its own demise of a time spent in the dark...they say time heals all wounds but what heals the scars...they are a constant reminder of what once was...why wont my mind slow to give me rest...what is the lesson that i am being taught... i ask the faceless figure to give me answers...it just remains steadfast in its place... i look skyward for a single star...any sign of light...my eyes strain against the darkness and away off in the far distance i see a tiny speck slowly twinkling... i smile and the faceless figure slowly fades into the darkness...