<?xml version="1.0" encoding="ISO-8859-1"?> <rss version="2.0" xmlns:dc="http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/" xmlns:content="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/content/"> <channel> <title>Roo Forums - Funny Jokes</title> <link>http://board.jokeroo.com/</link> <description>Talk about those funny jokes you heard...</description> <language>en</language> <lastBuildDate>Wed, 16 May 2012 23:26:16 GMT</lastBuildDate> <generator>vBulletin</generator> <ttl>60</ttl> <image> <url>http://board.jokeroo.com/images/misc/rss.png</url> <title>Roo Forums - Funny Jokes</title> <link>http://board.jokeroo.com/</link> </image> <item> <title>What did you do??</title> <link>http://board.jokeroo.com/showthread.php?t=151785&amp;goto=newpost</link> <pubDate>Wed, 16 May 2012 21:34:17 GMT</pubDate> <description>Image: https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/521307_357778870953260_224724410925374_1001570_1197581146_n.jpg </description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div><img src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/521307_357778870953260_224724410925374_1001570_1197581146_n.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></div>

]]></content:encoded> <category domain="http://board.jokeroo.com/forumdisplay.php?f=10">Funny Jokes</category> <dc:creator>ddkperry</dc:creator> <guid isPermaLink="true">http://board.jokeroo.com/showthread.php?t=151785</guid> </item> <item> <title>Wee joke.</title> <link>http://board.jokeroo.com/showthread.php?t=151776&amp;goto=newpost</link> <pubDate>Wed, 16 May 2012 12:33:44 GMT</pubDate> <description><![CDATA[Women always say that giving birth is way more painful than a guy
getting kicked in the nuts. Here is proof that they are wrong.
A year or so after giving birth a woman will often say, "It’d be nice
to have another baby".
You never hear a bloke say, "I wouldn’t mind another kick in the nuts ".]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div>Women always say that giving birth is way more painful than a guy<br />
getting kicked in the nuts. Here is proof that they are wrong.<br />
A year or so after giving birth a woman will often say, "It’d be nice<br />
to have another baby".<br />
You never hear a bloke say, "I wouldn’t mind another kick in the nuts ".</div>

]]></content:encoded> <category domain="http://board.jokeroo.com/forumdisplay.php?f=10">Funny Jokes</category> <dc:creator>TonyHendrix</dc:creator> <guid isPermaLink="true">http://board.jokeroo.com/showthread.php?t=151776</guid> </item> <item> <title>Alcohol warning</title> <link>http://board.jokeroo.com/showthread.php?t=151765&amp;goto=newpost</link> <pubDate>Tue, 15 May 2012 15:53:31 GMT</pubDate> <description><![CDATA[Liquor manufacturers have accepted the Government's suggestion that the
 following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol
 containers:
 
  WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the
  hell Happened to your bra and panties.
 
  WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are
  whispering When you are not.
 
  WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a
  Retard.
 
  WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends
  over And over again that you love them.
 
  WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
 
  WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that
  ex-lovers Are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the
 morning.
 
  WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically
  Converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
 
  WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are
  Tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
 
  WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are
  Laughing WITH you.
 
  WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
 
  WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may be a major factor in getting
  your Ass kicked.
 
  WARNING: the crumsumpten of alcohol may Mack you tink you kan tpye reel
  Gode.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div><b>Liquor manufacturers have accepted the Government's suggestion that the<br />
 following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol<br />
 containers:<br /> <br />
  WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the<br />
  hell Happened to your bra and panties.<br /> <br />
  WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are<br />
  whispering When you are not.<br /> <br />
  WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a<br />
  Retard.<br /> <br />
  WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends<br />
  over And over again that you love them.<br /> <br />
  WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.<br /> <br />
  WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that<br />
  ex-lovers Are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the<br />
 morning.<br /> <br />
  WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically<br />
  Converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.<br /> <br />
  WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are<br />
  Tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.<br /> <br />
  WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are<br />
  Laughing WITH you.<br /> <br />
  WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.<br /> <br />
  WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may be a major factor in getting<br />
  your Ass kicked.<br /> <br />
  WARNING: the crumsumpten of alcohol may Mack you tink you kan tpye reel<br />
  Gode.</b><br /><br /></div>

]]></content:encoded> <category domain="http://board.jokeroo.com/forumdisplay.php?f=10">Funny Jokes</category> <dc:creator>brilor</dc:creator> <guid isPermaLink="true">http://board.jokeroo.com/showthread.php?t=151765</guid> </item> <item> <title><![CDATA[Dogs & Cats]]></title> <link>http://board.jokeroo.com/showthread.php?t=151760&amp;goto=newpost</link> <pubDate>Tue, 15 May 2012 04:21:04 GMT</pubDate> <description><![CDATA[ 			*The Dog's Diary*
 			  8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!

 				  9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
				  9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing! 
				10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
				12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
				  1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
				  3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
				  5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing!
				  7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
				  8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
				11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

:lookaroun

]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS"> <div style="text-align: center;"><b><font size="5">The Dog's Diary</font></b></div> </span><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS">  8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!<br /> </span><br /> <span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS"> 				  9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!<br />
				  9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing! <br />
				10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!<br />
				12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!<br />
				  1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!<br />
				  3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!<br />
				  5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing!<br />
				  7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!<br />
				  8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!<br />
				11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!</span><br /> <br />
:lookaroun<br /> </div></div>

]]></content:encoded> <category domain="http://board.jokeroo.com/forumdisplay.php?f=10">Funny Jokes</category> <dc:creator>hortysir</dc:creator> <guid isPermaLink="true">http://board.jokeroo.com/showthread.php?t=151760</guid> </item> <item> <title>Camel toads</title> <link>http://board.jokeroo.com/showthread.php?t=151758&amp;goto=newpost</link> <pubDate>Tue, 15 May 2012 03:08:17 GMT</pubDate> <description>Image: http://i1200.photobucket.com/albums/bb338/perrydavron/Cameltoads.jpg </description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div><img src="http://i1200.photobucket.com/albums/bb338/perrydavron/Cameltoads.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></div>

]]></content:encoded> <category domain="http://board.jokeroo.com/forumdisplay.php?f=10">Funny Jokes</category> <dc:creator>ddkperry</dc:creator> <guid isPermaLink="true">http://board.jokeroo.com/showthread.php?t=151758</guid> </item> <item> <title>Smile!</title> <link>http://board.jokeroo.com/showthread.php?t=151753&amp;goto=newpost</link> <pubDate>Mon, 14 May 2012 16:56:53 GMT</pubDate> <description><![CDATA[I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with 'Guess' on it.

So I said 'Implants?' She hit me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Marriage changes passion.

Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~	

How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America ?

When I was young we used to go 'skinny dipping,' now I just 'chunky

dunk.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
	

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN!
	
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

Wouldn't you know it...

Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~	

Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

A completely brilliant question!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bumper sticker of the year:
'If you can read this, thank a teacher -
And, since it's in English, thank a soldier'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~	

Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?

Another completely brilliant question!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div><span style="font-family: Century Gothic"><font size="6"><font color="#800080">I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with 'Guess' on it.<br /> <br />
So I said 'Implants?' She hit me.<br /> <br />
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br /> <br />
Marriage changes passion.<br /> <br />
Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.<br /> <br />
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br /> <br />
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.<br /> <br />
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~	<br /> <br />
How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America ?<br /> <br />
When I was young we used to go 'skinny dipping,' now I just 'chunky<br /> <br />
dunk.'<br /> <br />
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br /> <br /> <br />
I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!<br /> <br />
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN!<br /> <br />
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br /> <br />
Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.<br /> <br />
Wouldn't you know it...<br /> <br />
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.<br /> <br />
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~	<br /> <br />
Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?<br /> <br />
A completely brilliant question!<br /> <br />
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br /> <br />
Bumper sticker of the year:<br />
'If you can read this, thank a teacher -<br />
And, since it's in English, thank a soldier'<br /> <br />
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~	<br /> <br />
Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?<br /> <br />
Another completely brilliant question!<br /> <br />
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br /> </font></font></span></div>

]]></content:encoded> <category domain="http://board.jokeroo.com/forumdisplay.php?f=10">Funny Jokes</category> <dc:creator>stevent222</dc:creator> <guid isPermaLink="true">http://board.jokeroo.com/showthread.php?t=151753</guid> </item> <item> <title>Define handsome</title> <link>http://board.jokeroo.com/showthread.php?t=151736&amp;goto=newpost</link> <pubDate>Sun, 13 May 2012 07:22:14 GMT</pubDate> <description><![CDATA[A teacher at a High School in New Orleans asks one of her brightest students to use the word "handsome" in a sentence.

The girl named Latisha says, "Sometime when I be suckin' Leroy's Soul Pole, my jaw gets sore and I hafta use my handsome.":slaphead::nutter:]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div>A teacher at a High School in New Orleans asks one of her brightest students to use the word "handsome" in a sentence.<br /> <br />
The girl named Latisha says, "Sometime when I be suckin' Leroy's Soul Pole, my jaw gets sore and I hafta use my handsome.":slaphead::nutter:</div>

]]></content:encoded> <category domain="http://board.jokeroo.com/forumdisplay.php?f=10">Funny Jokes</category> <dc:creator>konifur</dc:creator> <guid isPermaLink="true">http://board.jokeroo.com/showthread.php?t=151736</guid> </item> <item> <title><![CDATA[Can't beat an Iowa Girl..]]></title> <link>http://board.jokeroo.com/showthread.php?t=151733&amp;goto=newpost</link> <pubDate>Sat, 12 May 2012 21:28:40 GMT</pubDate> <description><![CDATA[*               
            A guy meets a beautiful girl and decided he wanted to marry her right
            away, she said, "But we don't know anything about each other.

            He said, "Thats all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along."

            So she consented and they were married and went on a honeymoon to a very
            nice resort. One morning they were laying by the pool when he got off his
            towel, climbed up to the 10 Meter board and did a two and a half tuck
            gainer, followed by three rotations in a jackknife position, where he
            straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more
            demonstrations, he came back and laid down on the towel. She said, "That
            was incredible!"

            He said, I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you
            we'd learn about each other as we went along."

            So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps. After about
            thirty laps, she climbed back out and lay down on her towel hardly out of
            breath.

            He said, "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?"

            "No." she said, "I was a hooker in Davenport, Iowa, and I worked both
            sides of the river!"*]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div><span style="font-family: Comic Sans MS"><font size="5"><font color="#800080"><b><i> <br />
            A guy meets a beautiful girl and decided he wanted to marry her right<br />
            away, she said, "But we don't know anything about each other.<br /> <br />
            He said, "Thats all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along."<br /> <br />
            So she consented and they were married and went on a honeymoon to a very<br />
            nice resort. One morning they were laying by the pool when he got off his<br />
            towel, climbed up to the 10 Meter board and did a two and a half tuck<br />
            gainer, followed by three rotations in a jackknife position, where he<br />
            straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more<br />
            demonstrations, he came back and laid down on the towel. She said, "That<br />
            was incredible!"<br /> <br />
            He said, I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you<br />
            we'd learn about each other as we went along."<br /> <br />
            So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps. After about<br />
            thirty laps, she climbed back out and lay down on her towel hardly out of<br />
            breath.<br /> <br />
            He said, "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?"<br /> <br />
            "No." she said, "I was a hooker in Davenport, Iowa, and I worked both<br />
            sides of the river!"</i></b></font></font></span></div>

]]></content:encoded> <category domain="http://board.jokeroo.com/forumdisplay.php?f=10">Funny Jokes</category> <dc:creator>stevent222</dc:creator> <guid isPermaLink="true">http://board.jokeroo.com/showthread.php?t=151733</guid> </item> <item> <title>Think before you speak....</title> <link>http://board.jokeroo.com/showthread.php?t=151706&amp;goto=newpost</link> <pubDate>Thu, 10 May 2012 15:00:30 GMT</pubDate> <description><![CDATA[
 <tbody> [TR]
 [TD]
 <tbody> [TR]
 [TD] 
 <tbody> [TR]
 [TD="width: 100%"] 
*Think Before You  Speak*

 
 <tbody> [TR]
 [TD]   Here are six reasons why you  should think before you speak - the last one is great! 
Have you ever spoken  and wished that you could immediately take the words back...   
Here are the  Testimonials of a few people who did....


   *_FIRST TESTIMONY_**:*
I walked into a hair salon  with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, 
'How  much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?' 
I turned around and walked  back out and never went back. *
My husband didn't say a word...he knew  better.*  

*_SECOND  TESTIMONY_:*   
I was at the golf store  comparing different kinds of golf balls.  I was unhappy with the women's type I had  been using. 
After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of  the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. 
He asked if he could help  me. 
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, *'I think I like playing  with men's balls'*   

*_THIRD  TESTIMONY_:   *
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store  that sold a variety of candy and nuts. 
As we were looking at the display  case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I  replied,' 
No, I'm just looking at your nuts.' 
My sister started to laugh  hysterically. 
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.    *
To this day, my sister has never let me forget.*   

*_FOURTH  TESTIMONY_:*   
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler  decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. 
I was finally able to  grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other  patrons. 
I told her that if she did not start behaving 'right now' she would  be punished. 
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, *
'If  you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing  Daddy's pee-pee last night!' *
The silence was deafening after this  enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. 
I  mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter  in tow.   
The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me,  were *screams of  laughter. *

*_FIFTH  TESTIMONY_:*   
Have you ever asked your child a question too many  times? 
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training  and I was on him constantly.  One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands It was  very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something  funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, she  was clean. 
The realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to  go, and he said 'No' .. I kept thinking 'Oh Lord, that child has had an  accident, and I don't have any clothes with me.' Then I said, 'Danny, are you  SURE you didn't have an accident?' 
'No,' he replied. 
I just KNEW that he  must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. 
Soooooo, I  asked one more time, 'Danny did you have an accident ? This time he jumped up,  yanked down his pants, 
bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled *'SEE MOM,  IT'S JUST FARTS!!'* 
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos  laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.   
An old couple made me feel  better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!   

*_LAST BUT NOT LEAST  TESTIMONY_:*   
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2  days and a very embarrassed  female news anchor who will, 
in the future, likely think before she speaks.  What happens when you predict snow but don't get any! We had a 
female news  anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to  the weatherman 
and asked:  *'So Bob, where's that 8 inches  you **promised  me last night?' *
Not only did HE have to leave  the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so  hard!   

Now,  didn't that feel good? 
Pass it on to someone you know who needs a laugh and  remember, we all say things we don't really mean, 
so think before you  speak!!


[/TD]
[/TR]
</tbody>[/TD]
[/TR]
 [TR]
 [TD="width: 100%"]   


[/TD]
[/TR]
</tbody>[/TD]
[/TR]
</tbody>[/TD]
[/TR]
</tbody>]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div><div class="cms_table"><table class="cms_table"><tr valign="top" class="cms_table_tr"><TD class="cms_table_td"><div class="cms_table"><table class="cms_table"><tr valign="top" class="cms_table_tr"><TD class="cms_table_td"> <div class="cms_table"><table width="96" class="cms_table"><tr valign="top" class="cms_table_tr"><TD width="100%" class="cms_table_td"><b>Think Before You  Speak</b><br /> <br /> <div class="cms_table"><table class="cms_table"><tr valign="top" class="cms_table_tr"><TD class="cms_table_td"> <font color="#4F4F4F">Here are six reasons why you  should think before you speak - the last one is great! <br />
Have you ever spoken  and wished that you could immediately take the words back...   <br />
Here are the  Testimonials of a few people who did....</font><br /> <br /> <br /> <b><u><font color="black">FIRST TESTIMONY</font></u></b><b><font color="black">:</font></b><font color="#4F4F4F"><br />
I walked into a hair salon  with my husband and three </font><font color="black">kids in tow and asked loudly, <br />
'How  much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?' <br />
I turned around and walked  back out and never went back. <b><br />
My husband didn't say a word...he knew  better.</b> </font><font color="black"> <br /> <br /> <b><u>SECOND  TESTIMONY</u>:</b> </font><font color="#4F4F4F"> <br />
I was at the golf store  comparing different kinds of golf balls.  </font><font color="black">I was unhappy with the women's type I had  been using. <br />
After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of  the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. <br />
He asked if he could help  me. <br />
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, <b>'I think I like playing  with men's balls'</b></font><font color="#4F4F4F"> <br /> <br /> <b><u>THIRD  TESTIMONY</u>:   </b><br />
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store  that sold a variety of candy and nuts. </font><font color="black"><br />
As we were looking at the display  case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I  replied,' <br />
No, I'm just looking at your nuts.' <br />
My sister started to laugh  hysterically. <br />
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.    <b><br />
To this day, my sister has never let me forget.</b> </font><font color="#4F4F4F"> <br /> <br /> <b><u>FOURTH  TESTIMONY</u>:</b> <br />
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler  decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. <br />
I was finally able to  grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other  patrons. <br />
I told her that if she did not start behaving 'right now' she would  be punished. <br />
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said </font><font color="black">in a voice just as threatening, <b><br />
'If  you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing  Daddy's pee-pee last night!' </b><br />
The silence was deafening after this  enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. <br />
I  mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter  in tow.   <br />
The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me,  were </font><b><font color="#4F4F4F">screams of  laughter. </font></b><font color="#4F4F4F"><br /> <br /> <b><u>FIFTH  TESTIMONY</u>:</b> <br />
Have you ever asked your child a question too many  times? <br />
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training  </font><font color="black">and I was on him constantly.  One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands It was  very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something  funny, so of course I checked </font><font color="#4F4F4F">my seven-month-old daughter, she  was clean. <br />
The realized that Danny had not asked to go potty </font><font color="black">in a while. I asked him if he needed to  go, and he said 'No' .. I kept thinking 'Oh Lord, that child has had an  accident, and I don't have any clothes with me.' Then I said, 'Danny, are you  SURE you didn't have an accident?' <br />
'No,' he replied. <br />
I just KNEW that he  must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. <br />
Soooooo, I  asked one more time, 'Danny did you have an accident ? This time he jumped up,  yanked down his pants, <br />
bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled <b>'SEE MOM,  IT'S JUST FARTS!!'</b> <br />
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos  laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.   </font><font color="#4F4F4F"><br />
An old couple made me feel  better, thanking me for the</font><font color="black"> best laugh they'd ever had! </font><font color="#4F4F4F"> <br /> <br /> <b><u>LAST BUT NOT LEAST  TESTIMONY</u>:</b> <br />
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2  days </font><font color="black">and a very embarrassed  female news anchor who will, <br />
in the future, likely think before she speaks.  What happens when you predict snow but don't get any! We had a <br />
female news  anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to  the weatherman <br />
and asked:  <b>'So Bob, where's that 8 inches  you </b></font><b><font color="#4F4F4F">promised  me last night?' </font></b><font color="#4F4F4F"><br />
Not only did HE have to leave  the set, but half the crew </font><font color="black">did too they were laughing so  hard! </font><font color="#4F4F4F"> <br /> <br />
Now,  didn't that feel good? <br />
Pass it on to someone you know who needs a laugh and  remember, we all say things we don't really mean, <br />
so think before you  speak!!</font><br /> <br /></TD> </tr> </table></div></TD> </tr> <tr valign="top" class="cms_table_tr"><TD width="100%" class="cms_table_td"><br /></TD> </tr> </table></div></TD> </tr> </table></div></TD> </tr> </table></div> </div>

]]></content:encoded> <category domain="http://board.jokeroo.com/forumdisplay.php?f=10">Funny Jokes</category> <dc:creator>Romford Lad</dc:creator> <guid isPermaLink="true">http://board.jokeroo.com/showthread.php?t=151706</guid> </item> <item> <title>Opening of Parliament</title> <link>http://board.jokeroo.com/showthread.php?t=151705&amp;goto=newpost</link> <pubDate>Thu, 10 May 2012 14:57:23 GMT</pubDate> <description><![CDATA[The Queen's Speech [written by the Government]


     The Government has announced, in todays Queen's Speech, that it is changing its  national symbol to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the Governments'  political stance.   A  condom allows for inflation, halts production,  destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense  of security, while you're actually being screwed.
 

 Damn ... it doesn't get more accurate than  that!!


]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div><span style="font-family: arial black"><font size="3"><font color="#0000CD">The Queen's Speech [written by the Government]<br /> <br /> <br /> </font></font></span> <div style="margin-left:40px"> The Government has announced, in todays Queen's Speech, that it is changing its  national symbol to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the Governments'  political stance.  <font size="7"><br /> </font> A  condom allows for inflation, halts production,  destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense  of security, while you're actually being screwed.<br /> <br /> <br />
 Damn ... it doesn't get more accurate than  that!!<br /> <br /> </div></div>

]]></content:encoded> <category domain="http://board.jokeroo.com/forumdisplay.php?f=10">Funny Jokes</category> <dc:creator>Romford Lad</dc:creator> <guid isPermaLink="true">http://board.jokeroo.com/showthread.php?t=151705</guid> </item> <item> <title>Koni starts the ball rolling again</title> <link>http://board.jokeroo.com/showthread.php?t=151671&amp;goto=newpost</link> <pubDate>Tue, 08 May 2012 09:12:40 GMT</pubDate> <description><![CDATA[:sticktongueout::nutter::spin::point:
The God of Thunder rode to war upon his favourite filly.
"I'm Thor!" he cried.
The horse replied,
"You forgot your thaddle, thilly ." 
:rofl:]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div>:sticktongueout::nutter::spin::point:<br />
The God of Thunder rode to war upon his favourite filly.<br />
"I'm Thor!" he cried.<br />
The horse replied,<br />
"You forgot your thaddle, thilly ." <br />
:rofl:</div>

]]></content:encoded> <category domain="http://board.jokeroo.com/forumdisplay.php?f=10">Funny Jokes</category> <dc:creator>konifur</dc:creator> <guid isPermaLink="true">http://board.jokeroo.com/showthread.php?t=151671</guid> </item> <item> <title>The Toad and the Bear</title> <link>http://board.jokeroo.com/showthread.php?t=151665&amp;goto=newpost</link> <pubDate>Mon, 07 May 2012 17:03:42 GMT</pubDate> <description><![CDATA[
<TBODY>[TR]
[TD="width: 100%"]
<TBODY>[TR]
[TD]*The Toad and the Bear*


<TBODY>[TR]
[TD]*So,  there's this yellow toad wandering around in the forest  kinda pissed off because he doesn't want to be  yellow.*
*Life would be  easier if he were brown like the other toads... He'd  sure be less visible to predators for one thing.* 
*Anyway.... This yellow toad bumps into a fairy godmother. "Fairy  godmother, please make me brown like the other toads,"  he begs her. "I'm hacked off being so visible to predators. The stress is like, killing me, you know?"* 
*"Okay" says the fairy godmother, who whips out her magic wand and  goes: "Abracapokus! You're  brown!"* 
*The toad looks down and sees that he is brown !  Except..... for his  weenie, which is still yellow.* 

*"Hang about lady," he says to the fairy godmother, "My pecker's still yellow!"* 
*"Yeah, well I don't do weenies," she says, "You'll have to go see the  Wizard of Oz for that." So the toad thanks her and hops off on his way.* 
*There is also a purple bear wandering about the very same woods. As luck would have it, he encounters the very same fairy godmother (yes, okay it's a coincidence, but it's true)..* 

*"Fairy Godmother! You're just the person I need!" says the purple bear, "I can't pull any bear babes 'cos they don't want to be seen with me on account of the hunters. They can spot me from a mile off."* 
*Being a fairly nice fairy godmother, she takes out her magic wand and she says:  "Pokuscadabra! You're brown!"* *.*


*The bear looks down and sees that he is, in fact, brown except for his goolies, which remain purple.* 

*"Hold up sweetheart!", he says to the fairy godmother, "My goolies are still purple!"* 
*"Yeah, well I  don't do those goolie things," she replies, "You'll have  to go see the Wizard of Oz for that."* 
*"Well that's just dandy, innit?" the bear replies, "How the hell do I  find the Wizard of Oz?"* 
*"Easy," says the fairy godmother as she flew off............* 

*~
~
~
~
~
~* 
*you know what's coming don't you ?* 
*~
~
~
~
~
~
~
~* 
*~
~
~* 

*~*
*~*
*~*
*~*
*~*
*~*
*~*
*~*












*she flew off, saying.......* 








*"Just follow the yellow-dick toad"!!* 




[/TD]
[/TR]
</TBODY>



[/TD]
[/TR]
</TBODY>




[/TD]
[/TR]
</TBODY>]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div><div class="cms_table"><table width="100%" class="cms_table"><tr valign="top" class="cms_table_tr"><TD width="100%" class="cms_table_td"><div class="cms_table"><table class="cms_table"><tr valign="top" class="cms_table_tr"><TD class="cms_table_td"><b>The Toad and the Bear</b><b><br /> </b><br /> <br /> <div class="cms_table"><table class="cms_table"><tr valign="top" class="cms_table_tr"><TD class="cms_table_td"><b><font color="#400080">So,  there's this yellow toad wandering around in the forest  kinda pissed off because he doesn't want to be  yellow.</font></b><font color="#400080"> <br /> </font><br /> <b><font color="#400080">Life would be  easier if he were brown like the other toads... He'd  sure be less visible to predators for one thing.</font></b> <br /> <b><font color="#400080">Anyway.... This yellow toad bumps into a fairy godmother. "Fairy  godmother, please make me brown like the other toads,"  he begs her. "I'm hacked off being so visible to predators. The stress is like, killing me, you know?"</font></b> <br /> <b><font color="#400080">"Okay" says the fairy godmother, who whips out her magic wand and  goes: "Abracapokus! You're  brown!"</font></b> <br /> <b><font color="#400080">The toad looks down and sees that he is brown !  Except..... for his  weenie, which is still yellow.</font></b> <br /> <br /> <b><font color="#400080">"Hang about lady," he says to the fairy godmother, "My pecker's still yellow!"</font></b> <br /> <b><font color="#400080">"Yeah, well I don't do weenies," she says, "You'll have to go see the  Wizard of Oz for that." So the toad thanks her and hops off on his way.</font></b> <br /> <b><font color="#400080">There is also a purple bear wandering about the very same woods. As luck would have it, he encounters the very same fairy godmother (yes, okay it's a coincidence, but it's true)..</font></b> <br /> <br /> <b><font color="#400080">"Fairy Godmother! You're just the person I need!" says the purple bear, "I can't pull any bear babes 'cos they don't want to be seen with me on account of the hunters. They can spot me from a mile off."</font></b> <br /> <b><font color="#400080">Being a fairly nice fairy godmother, she takes out her magic wand and she says:  "Pokuscadabra! You're brown!"</font></b> <b><font color="#400080">.</font></b><br /> <br /> <br /> <b><font color="#400080">The bear looks down and sees that he is, in fact, brown except for his goolies, which remain purple.</font></b> <br /> <br /> <b><font color="#400080">"Hold up sweetheart!", he says to the fairy godmother, "My goolies are still purple!"</font></b> <br /> <b><font color="#400080">"Yeah, well I  don't do those goolie things," she replies, "You'll have  to go see the Wizard of Oz for that."</font></b> <br /> <b><font color="#400080">"Well that's just dandy, innit?" the bear replies, "How the hell do I  find the Wizard of Oz?"</font></b> <br /> <b><font color="#400080">"Easy," says the fairy godmother as she flew off............</font></b> <br /> <br /> <b><font color="#400080">~<br />
~<br />
~<br />
~<br />
~<br />
~</font></b> <br /> <b><font color="#400080">you know what's coming don't you ?</font></b> <br /> <b><font color="#400080">~<br />
~<br />
~<br />
~<br />
~<br />
~<br />
~<br />
~</font></b> <br /> <b><font color="#400080">~<br />
~<br />
~</font></b> <br /> <br /> <font color="#400080"><font color="#400080"><b>~</b><br /> </font><font color="#400080"><b>~</b><br /> </font><font color="#400080"><b>~</b><br /> </font><font color="#400080"><b>~</b><br /> </font><font color="#400080"><b>~</b><br /> </font><font color="#400080"><b>~</b><br /> </font><font color="#400080"><b>~</b><br /> </font><font color="#400080"><b>~</b><br /> </font><br /> </font><br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <b><font color="#400080">she flew off, saying.......</font></b> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <b><font color="#400080">"Just follow the yellow-dick toad"!!</font></b> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /></TD> </tr> </table></div> <br /> <br /> <br /></TD> </tr> </table></div> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /></TD> </tr> </table></div> </div>

]]></content:encoded> <category domain="http://board.jokeroo.com/forumdisplay.php?f=10">Funny Jokes</category> <dc:creator>Angeldreams</dc:creator> <guid isPermaLink="true">http://board.jokeroo.com/showthread.php?t=151665</guid> </item> <item> <title>Are You Getting Old??? Read this to find out.</title> <link>http://board.jokeroo.com/showthread.php?t=151655&amp;goto=newpost</link> <pubDate>Sun, 06 May 2012 20:02:01 GMT</pubDate> <description><![CDATA[Are You Getting Old?

BORN BEFORE 1986? 

According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 60's, 70's and early 80's probably shouldn't have 
survived, because our baby cots were covered with brightly coloured lead-based paint which was promptly chewed and licked. 

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, or latches on doors or cabinets and it was fine to play with pans. 

When we rode our bikes, we wore no helmets, just flip-flops and 
fluorescent 'spokey dokey's' on our wheels. 

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or airbags and 
riding in the passenger seat was a treat. 

We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle and it 
tasted the same. 

We ate chips, bread and butter pudding and drank fizzy juice with 
sugar in it, but we were never overweight because we were always 
outside playing. 

We shared one drink with four friends, from one bottle or can and 
no-one actually died from this. 

We would spend hours building go-carts out of scraps and then went top 
speed down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After 
running into stinging nettles a few times, we learned to solve the 
problem. 

We would leave home in the morning and could play all day, as long as we were back before it got dark. No one was able to reach us and no one minded. 

We did not have Play stations or X-Boxes, no video games at all. 
No 99 channels on TV, no videotape movies, no surround sound, no mobile phones, no personal computers, no DVDs, no Internet chatrooms. 

We had friends - we went outside and found them. 

We played elastics and bullrush. 
We fell out of trees, got cut, and broke bones but there were no law suits. 

We played knock-the-door-run-away and were actually afraid of the owners catching us. 

We walked to friends' homes. 

We also, believe it or not, WALKED to school; we didn't rely on mummy or daddy to drive us to school, which was just round the corner. 

We made up games with sticks and tennis balls. 

We rode bikes in packs of 7 and wore our coats by only the hood. 

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke a law was unheard 
of...they actually sided with the law. 

This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers and problem solvers and inventors, ever. 
The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. 
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned 
how to deal with it all. 
And you're one of them. 

Congratulations! 

Pass this on to others who have had the luck to grow as real kids, 
before lawyers and government regulated our lives, for "our own good". 

For those of you who aren't old enough, thought you might like to read about us. 

This is surprisingly frightening......and it might put a smile on your face: 

The majority of students in universities today were born in 1986.... 
The Uptown Girl they know is by Westlife not Billy Joel. 
They have never heard of Rick Astley, Bananarama, Nena Cherry or Belinda 
Carlisle. 

For them, there has always been only one Germany and one Vietnam. 

AIDS has existed since they were born. 

CD's have existed since they were born. 

Michael Jackson has always been white. 

To them John Travolta has always been round in shape and they can't 
imagine how this fat guy could be a god of dance. 

They believe that Charlie's Angels and Mission Impossible are films 
from last year. 

They can never imagine life before computers. 

They'll never have pretended to be the A-Team, the Dukes of Hazard or 
the Famous Five. 

They can't believe a black and white television ever existed. 

And they will never understand how we could leave the house without a 
mobile phone. 

Now let's check if we're getting old... 

1. You understand what was written above and you smile. 

2. You need to sleep more, usually until the afternoon, after a night out. 

3. Your friends are getting married/already married 

4. You are always surprised to see small children playing comfortably 
with computers. 

5. When you see children with mobile phones, you shake your head. 

6. Having read this, you are thinking of forwarding it to some other 
friends because you think they will like it too... 

Yes, you're Getting old!!
]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div><div style="text-align: left;"><font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">Are You Getting Old?</span></font><br /> <br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">BORN BEFORE 1986? </span></font><br /> <br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 60's, 70's and early 80's probably shouldn't have </span></font><br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">survived, because our baby cots were covered with brightly coloured lead-based paint which was promptly chewed and licked. </span></font><br /> <br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, or latches on doors or cabinets and it was fine to play with pans. </span></font><br /> <br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">When we rode our bikes, we wore no helmets, just flip-flops and </span></font><br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">fluorescent 'spokey dokey's' on our wheels. </span></font><br /> <br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or airbags and </span></font><br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">riding in the passenger seat was a treat. </span></font><br /> <br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle and it </span></font><br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">tasted the same. </span></font><br /> <br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">We ate chips, bread and butter pudding and drank fizzy juice with </span></font><br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">sugar in it, but we were never overweight because we were always </span></font><br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">outside playing. </span></font><br /> <br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">We shared one drink with four friends, from one bottle or can and </span></font><br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">no-one actually died from this. </span></font><br /> <br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">We would spend hours building go-carts out of scraps and then went top </span></font><br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">speed down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After </span></font><br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">running into stinging nettles a few times, we learned to solve the </span></font><br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">problem. </span></font><br /> <br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">We would leave home in the morning and could play all day, as long as we were back before it got dark. No one was able to reach us and no one minded. </span></font><br /> <br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">We did not have Play stations or X-Boxes, no video games at all. </span></font><br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">No 99 channels on TV, no videotape movies, no surround sound, no mobile phones, no personal computers, no DVDs, no Internet chatrooms. </span></font><br /> <br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">We had friends - we went outside and found them. </span></font><br /> <br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">We played elastics and bullrush. </span></font><br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">We fell out of trees, got cut, and broke bones but there were no law suits. </span></font><br /> <br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">We played knock-the-door-run-away and were actually afraid of the owners catching us. </span></font><br /> <br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">We walked to friends' homes. </span></font><br /> <br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">We also, believe it or not, WALKED to school; we didn't rely on mummy or daddy to drive us to school, which was just round the corner. </span></font><br /> <br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">We made up games with sticks and tennis balls. </span></font><br /> <br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">We rode bikes in packs of 7 and wore our coats by only the hood. </span></font><br /> <br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke a law was unheard </span></font><br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">of...they actually sided with the law. </span></font><br /> <br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers and problem solvers and inventors, ever. </span></font><br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. </span></font><br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned </span></font><br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">how to deal with it all. </span></font><br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">And you're one of them. </span></font><br /> <br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">Congratulations! </span></font><br /> <br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">Pass this on to others who have had the luck to grow as real kids, </span></font><br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">before lawyers and government regulated our lives, for "our own good". </span></font><br /> <br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">For those of you who aren't old enough, thought you might like to read about us. </span></font><br /> <br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">This is surprisingly frightening......and it might put a smile on your face: </span></font><br /> <br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">The majority of students in universities today were born in 1986.... </span></font><br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">The Uptown Girl they know is by Westlife not Billy Joel. </span></font><br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">They have never heard of Rick Astley, Bananarama, Nena Cherry or Belinda </span></font><br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">Carlisle. </span></font><br /> <br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">For them, there has always been only one Germany and one Vietnam. </span></font><br /> <br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">AIDS has existed since they were born. </span></font><br /> <br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">CD's have existed since they were born. </span></font><br /> <br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">Michael Jackson has always been white. </span></font><br /> <br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">To them John Travolta has always been round in shape and they can't </span></font><br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">imagine how this fat guy could be a god of dance. </span></font><br /> <br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">They believe that Charlie's Angels and Mission Impossible are films </span></font><br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">from last year. </span></font><br /> <br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">They can never imagine life before computers. </span></font><br /> <br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">They'll never have pretended to be the A-Team, the Dukes of Hazard or </span></font><br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">the Famous Five. </span></font><br /> <br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">They can't believe a black and white television ever existed. </span></font><br /> <br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">And they will never understand how we could leave the house without a </span></font><br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">mobile phone. </span></font><br /> <br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">Now let's check if we're getting old... </span></font><br /> <br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">1. You understand what was written above and you smile. </span></font><br /> <br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">2. You need to sleep more, usually until the afternoon, after a night out. </span></font><br /> <br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">3. Your friends are getting married/already married </span></font><br /> <br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">4. You are always surprised to see small children playing comfortably </span></font><br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">with computers. </span></font><br /> <br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">5. When you see children with mobile phones, you shake your head. </span></font><br /> <br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">6. Having read this, you are thinking of forwarding it to some other </span></font><br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">friends because you think they will like it too... </span></font><br /> <br /> <font color="#000000"><span style="font-family: lucida grande">Yes, you're Getting old!!</span></font></div></div>

]]></content:encoded> <category domain="http://board.jokeroo.com/forumdisplay.php?f=10">Funny Jokes</category> <dc:creator>ddkperry</dc:creator> <guid isPermaLink="true">http://board.jokeroo.com/showthread.php?t=151655</guid> </item> <item> <title>Mental hospital phone menu</title> <link>http://board.jokeroo.com/showthread.php?t=151646&amp;goto=newpost</link> <pubDate>Sat, 05 May 2012 15:03:53 GMT</pubDate> <description><![CDATA[MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU

Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital 

Please select from the following options menu:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you.

If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.

If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.
:spin::spin::wheee::wheee:]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div>MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU<br /> <br />
Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital <br /> <br />
Please select from the following options menu:<br /> <br />
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.<br /> <br />
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.<br /> <br />
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.<br /> <br />
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.<br /> <br />
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.<br /> <br />
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.<br /> <br />
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.<br /> <br />
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.<br /> <br />
If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.<br /> <br />
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.<br /> <br />
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you.<br /> <br />
If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.<br /> <br />
If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.<br />
:spin::spin::wheee::wheee:</div>

]]></content:encoded> <category domain="http://board.jokeroo.com/forumdisplay.php?f=10">Funny Jokes</category> <dc:creator>konifur</dc:creator> <guid isPermaLink="true">http://board.jokeroo.com/showthread.php?t=151646</guid> </item> <item> <title>My first time</title> <link>http://board.jokeroo.com/showthread.php?t=151590&amp;goto=newpost</link> <pubDate>Sun, 29 Apr 2012 08:25:46 GMT</pubDate> <description><![CDATA[With a slight hesitation, I nervously inserted a finger: it felt warm and wet. She groaned.

"I'm gonna need more than that," she said.

Taking a breath, I then inserted three more fingers. Her eyes widened.

"Go on, put your whole hand in," she demanded.

I wanted to please her, so I did what she said: I was really sweating by now but she was getting more and more excited.

"It's no good, you're gonna have to put your other hand in as well" she shouted.

I closed my eyes and thrust forward with my other hand and she let out a scream.

"There you go Koni, it's not that hard to do the washing up is it?" she smiled.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div>With a slight hesitation, I nervously inserted a finger: it felt warm and wet. She groaned.<br /> <br />
"I'm gonna need more than that," she said.<br /> <br />
Taking a breath, I then inserted three more fingers. Her eyes widened.<br /> <br />
"Go on, put your whole hand in," she demanded.<br /> <br />
I wanted to please her, so I did what she said: I was really sweating by now but she was getting more and more excited.<br /> <br />
"It's no good, you're gonna have to put your other hand in as well" she shouted.<br /> <br />
I closed my eyes and thrust forward with my other hand and she let out a scream.<br /> <br />
"There you go Koni, it's not that hard to do the washing up is it?" she smiled.</div>

]]></content:encoded> <category domain="http://board.jokeroo.com/forumdisplay.php?f=10">Funny Jokes</category> <dc:creator>konifur</dc:creator> <guid isPermaLink="true">http://board.jokeroo.com/showthread.php?t=151590</guid> </item> </channel> </rss>

