....as said by Groucho Marks

[konifur2]

I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself.

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

Women should be obscene and not heard.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

If you want to see a comic strip, you should see me in the shower.

i would never be a member of a club who would have me as a member.

[squirt]

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them ... well, I have others

[squirt]

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you

[squirt]

Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough

[squirt]

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot

[Marky_D_Sahdd]

My favorites:
"Outside od a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, of course, it's too dark to read."
"Modern television programming has made me a more literate person. Every time someone turns on the television, I go in the other room and read a book."
and how can we forget:
"One night, I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I'll never know!"
Or:
"I want you boys to go out on the field tonight and play just the way you did last week. I've got fifty bucks riding on the other team."