If you asked me why I married a sadist, I'd say, "Beats me."
My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands.
Two of them were just napping.
I am amazed at radio DJ's today. I am firmly convinced that AM on
my radio stands for Absolute Moron. I will not begin to tell you what
FM stands for.
Relationships are hard. It's like a full-time job, and we should treat it
like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should
give you two weeks notice. There should be severance pay, and before
they leave you, they should have to find you a temp.
Instead of listening to music during your morning drive to work, Playboy
is now offering nude pictures that people can download on their iPods.
In a related story, Playboy has bought a controlling interest in every
auto repair shop in America.
When I have sex, it takes four minutes.
And that includes dinner and a show.
I think it's about time we voted for senators with breasts.
After all, we've been voting for boobs long enough.
(Arizona politician Claire Sargent)
No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too
much fraternizing with the enemy.