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Thread: Naughty Quotes

  1. #1
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    Default Naughty Quotes

    If you asked me why I married a sadist, I'd say, "Beats me."
    (David Reihmer)

    My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands.
    Two of them were just napping.
    (Rita Rudner)

    I am amazed at radio DJ's today. I am firmly convinced that AM on
    my radio stands for Absolute Moron. I will not begin to tell you what
    FM stands for.
    (Jasper Carrott)

    Relationships are hard. It's like a full-time job, and we should treat it
    like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should
    give you two weeks notice. There should be severance pay, and before
    they leave you, they should have to find you a temp.
    (Bob Ettinger)

    Instead of listening to music during your morning drive to work, Playboy
    is now offering nude pictures that people can download on their iPods.
    In a related story, Playboy has bought a controlling interest in every
    auto repair shop in America.
    (Jake Novak)

    When I have sex, it takes four minutes.
    And that includes dinner and a show.
    (Gilbert Gottfried)

    I think it's about time we voted for senators with breasts.
    After all, we've been voting for boobs long enough.
    (Arizona politician Claire Sargent)

    No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too
    much fraternizing with the enemy.
    (Henry Kissinger)

  2. #2
    Jokeroo VIP Status muchtrouble10's Avatar
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    Great quotes...I'll see if I can add some later....right now, work is calling my name.











  3. #3
    Senior Member goldeneagle's Avatar
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    good ones ....LMAO





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    I dropped a Viagra pill and my dog ate it, then ran out the door.
    It shouldn't be difficult to find him, though -- he's a pointer.
    (Bill Fluharty)

    I'm not phallocratic, I'm phallocompliant.
    My penis rules and I just do his bidding.
    (Maurizio Mariotti)

    I'm pretty comfortable with my manhood -- until I look over my
    shoulder to see someone approach the adjacent urinal holding
    a pool-cue bridge.
    (Brad Simanek)

    My doctor told me my sperm count was low.
    I made him do a hand recount just to be sure.
    (Anderson Reggio)

    They say romance is dead. Well, that would certainly
    explain the big heart-shaped grave in the back yard.
    (Dave Goudsward)

    If the meaning of life can be found watching porn, I am *so*
    much closer to figuring it out than the rest of you losers!

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    I see sales for Viagra are way down. I guess all those
    old guys finally figured out that sex with an old woman is not worth
    $20.

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    "In a survey in Modern Maturity magazine, men over seventy-five
    said they had sex once a week. Which proves that old guys lie
    about sex too."
    - Irv Gilman

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    "Crime of passion is a phrase that drives me crazy. A man
    murdering his girlfriend is not a crime of passion. Premature
    ejaculation- that's a crime of passion."

    - Hellura Lyle

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    "I once dated a really conceited girl. The first time we had sex
    she said, 'Tight, aren't I?'
    So I said, 'No, you're just full!'"

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    What's the closest thing for a man to a woman's period?
    His salary. It comes once a month, lasts 4 or 5 days, and if it
    doesn't come, he's fucked!

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    "Take it from me, wrinkle cream doesn't work. I've been using it
    for two years and my balls still look like raisins."

    - Harland Williams

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    "If a woman voices her opinion in the woods, and nobody hears
    her, is she still a bitch?"

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    Quote Originally Posted by jms_mlr
    "If a woman voices her opinion in the woods, and nobody hears
    her, is she still a bitch?"
    Her echo should say it ... hahaha

































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    "If a white stork brings white babies and a black stork brings
    black babies... what kind of bird brings no babies?
    A Swallow"

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    "What is the definition of a fierce competitor?
    A guy that comes in 1st and 3rd in a masturbation contest."

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    "My girlfriend told me that my lovemaking is just like a news
    bulletin. Brief, unexpected and usually a disaster."

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    "I once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered.
    But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue:
    "No good in a bed, but fine up against a wall"

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    Dictatorships are run by dictators, empires are ruled by emperors
    and kingdoms are ruled by kings..... ironic that the US and the
    UK are both countries.

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    "Never argue with your wife. Just dicker."

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    Q: What is the definition of "making love"?

    A: Something a woman does while a guy is f*cking her.

  20. #20
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    Happiness is like peeing your pants.
    Everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth.

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