Little Johnny

[squirt]

Little Johnnie's neighbor had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnnie's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, Little Johnnie's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears.

His dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home. Little Johnnie told his dad he understood completely. When Johnnie looked in the crib he said, 'What a beautiful baby.' The mother said, 'Why, thank you, Little Johnnie.' Johnnie said, 'He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?'

'Yes', the mother replied, 'we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision.'

'That's great', said Little Johnnie,''cause he'd be fucked if he needed glasses'

[squirt]

Little Johnny had just returned from his honeymoon and was settling down in their new apartment. Coming home from work one night the landlady met Little Johnny in the hallway and said, "I have a couple of extra tickets to a play in town tonight, and I wonder if you and your new bride would like to have them?"

"I'll ask her," Little Johnny responded. He opened the door to his apartment and called out, "Honey, would you like to see 'Oliver Twist' tonight?"

"Hey now!!," his bride retorted, "If you show me one more trick with that thing, I'm going home to my Mother!!!!"

[brilor]

Always thought Little Johnny was a kid not a dwarf!

[squirt]

kids grow up sexy brilor lol

[brilor]

Originally Posted by squirt

kids grow up sexy brilor lol

Little Johnny is like Mickey Mouse they never grow up!

[squirt]

I didn't write the joke, I just posted it lol

[squirt]

Little Johnny was playing in his room when his dad walked in and explained that he and his mom were getting a divorce. "Why Daddy?" asked a confused Little Johnny. "Well, son" he explained, "Your mother and I are no longer in love." Now more confused, Little Johnny asked, "What does being in love mean?" "Let me give you an example, son. Love is when a husband rushes home from a long day at work to embrace and kiss his wife at the door. Your mom and I have lost that love." "But Daddy, I see Mommy getting excited lots of times right when you come home, so she must still be in love with you." "I don't understand, son. When has your mother recently been excited when I arrive home from work?" "Well, sometimes when Mommy is still sleeping in bed with the neighbor, and you pull into the driveway, she shouts at the top of her lungs, 'My husband's home! My husband's home!

[Kryten]

The Polite Way to Pee
>
> During one of her daily classes a teacher trying to teach good manners,
> asked her students the following question: 'Michael, if you were on a date
> having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have
> to go to the bathroom?'
> Michael said, 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'
> The teacher responded by saying, 'That would be rude and impolite. What
> about you Peter, how would you say it?'
> Peter said, 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be
> right back.'
> That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the
> dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and
> show us your good manners?'
> 'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake
> hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after
> dinner.'
> The teacher fainted

[squirt]

Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Little Johnny waves his hand, "Me, me, me!" The teacher says, "Alright, Johnny, what is your multi- syllable word?" Johnny says "Mas-tur-bate. " The teacher smiles and says, "Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful." Johnny says, "No, you're thinking of a blow job. I'm talking about a wank."

[brilor]

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?"

When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.

"God Almighty !" shouted Mary.

The teacher said, "Very good!" and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, "Who is our Lord and Savior?", but Mary didn't even stir from her slumber.

Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.

"Jesus Christ!" shouted Mary.

The teacher said, "Very good!" and Mary fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?"

Again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!"