Little Johnny

[konifur2]

THE POLITE WAY TO PEE
During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
'Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?'
Michael said, 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'
The teacher responded by saying, 'That would be rude and impolite.
What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'
Sherman said, 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll
Be right back.'
'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at
The dinner table.
And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?'
'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner.'
The teacher fainted.

[squirt]

Little Johnny, a fifth grade student, has a penis so large his parents warned him not to have anything to do with girls. They cautioned him he could easily kill someone. Through the grapevine, his teacher learns about his unusual size, keeps him after school and suggests they have sex.

He refuses expressing concern he might kill her. She laughs and scoffs at the idea and says she will elect to be on top, in complete control, and nothing bad can happen. He reluctantly agrees but the teacher experiences such wonderful sensations, she faints from pure joy.

Thinking he's killed her, Little Johnny runs from the class room sobbing and crying, "I killed her! I killed her!" All at once he stops dead in his tracks, and look of dawning comprehension appears on his face as he says, "Wait just a minute! I didn't kill her. The dumb bitch committed suicide!"

[squirt]

"My teacher is really giving me a tuff time" Little Johnny was telling his father.

"Handle it this way Johnny," his father advised. "Take special care with your personal appearance and attire. Pay attention in class. And do your assignments and homework promptly."

"I really don't think that'll help Dad," Johnny sighed. "She hissed at me during study break that she's 3 weeks overdue."

[hortysir]

Move, and NOW

[brilor]

Little Johnny, Billy and Tommy were walking home from school one warm spring day. As they were cutting through the alleys and backyards, they happened to look through a hole in the fence of one of the yards where a woman was sunbathing in the nude.

As they looked through the hole, Johnny suddenly started to scream, left his friends and took off running for home.

The next day, as the three boys came home again, they found the same hole in the fence and started to watch the woman. Again, after just a few minutes, Johnney started screaming and ran off quickly.

On the third day, the boys were peeping into the hole in the fence again after school, when Johnny turned around and started to run again. But this time, Bill and Tommy grabbed him and demanded to know what was wrong.

Johnny replied, "My mother told me that if I ever looked at a naked woman, I would turn to stone...

And I started to feel a part of me getting awfully hard??? "

[Bamber]

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?" His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy." Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom..."

[squirt]

Mom asked Little Johnny if he had enjoyed his school's field trip.

"Yeah, it was great! We saw sheep, horses, goats, and f**kers."

Mom said, "Uh, fine, fine. I know what sheep, horses and goats are, but what is a, er, um, 'f**ker'?"

Johnny said, "Oh, they're the animals that give us milk."

Mom said, "But who said they were called, er, you know, 'f**kers'?"

Johnny replied, "That was our teacher."

"She actually called them 'f**kers'?!" said Mom, astonished.

"Well actually she called them 'effers,' but we all knew what she meant."

[konifur2]

Little Johnny was in the classroom bored to the back teeth on a Friday afternoon, and the teacher decided to have a game for the kids to get them thinking.

"Okay class. Now I'm going to say a famous quote, and the first person to tell me who said that quote, can have Monday off." said the teacher.


'Who is credited with writing the phrase,’ To be or not to be, that is the question’?" asked the teacher..
Little Abdul at the front of the class called out.........'Shakespeare'.
'Well done!' said the teacher, 'You can have Monday off."


'No thank you Miss. I am of Arabic origin and it is in our culture
to study as hard as we can, so I will be here on Monday studying hard.'


'Well okay,' said the teacher. The next quote is, "I had a dream!"
Little Hassan also at the front yelled out..... "Martin Luther King!"


"Well done!" said the teacher. 'You can have Monday off"

"No thank you miss, I am of Pakistani origin and we also do not take time off school. Education is everything to us, so I will be in on Monday studying hard too." said little Hassan.


Then she heard a voice from the back of the classroom, "Fucking Asians!"


"Who said that?" yelled the teacher in an angry tone.

"Enoch Powell!" yelled little Johnny, "See ya Tuesday!!!!"

[Huggies]

Little Johnny's at it again..... A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!' After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?' 'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!'


* * * * * * * * * * *


Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. 'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked. 'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. 'What's the matter?' asked Little Johnny. 'Giving up?'


* * * * * * * * * * *


The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said,
'Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?' Little Johnny quickly replied, 'NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!'


** * * * * * * * * *


Little Johnny'skindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him.'Little Johnny asked, 'Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture ?'


* * * * * * * * * * *


Little Johnny attended a horse auction withhis father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?' His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses,I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Johnny, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom .'

[squirt]

Little Johnny has just been toilet trained and decides to use the big toilet like his daddy. He pushes up the seat and balances his little pecker on the rim.

Just then the toilet seat slams down, and the little Johnny lets out in a scream.

His mother comes running to by hopping round the room clutching his genitals and howling. He looks up at her with his little tear stained face and sniffles, "K-k-k-k-kiss {sniff} it to make it better."

Little Johnny's mother shouts, "Don't you start your father's crap with me!"