Todays Blonde Joke......

[goldeneagle]

This blonde wanted to impress her husband,so she decided to paint her bed room and prove that all blondes aren't dumb. She went to the store and bought paint and brushes. When her husband come home that night she was lying on the floor with two coats on and sweating,about to pass out. Her husband asked:
whats going on here. She said I wanted to impress you with my new paint job in our bed room,so you wouldn't think all blondes are dumb,and I read the directions and it said it will look better with two coats on...

[goldeneagle]

there were three women stranded on a Island for about three years.One was a Brunette,the other was a red head,and one a blonde.
They were walking on the beach one day looking for a passing ship or some way to be rescued. As they walked along they come upon a old lamp looking thing. as they rubbed it to clean it out pops a genie. He said thank you all for releasing me,I only have three wishes,so each of you can wish anything you want. The brunette says I'm first,I want to be home with my family puff shes there. The red head says I'm next I want to be home with my family..puff shes there. The blonde starts crying and says I miss my friends I wish they were here with me.

[LAWRENCE]

A State Trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches the blonde lady driver. "Ma'am, is there a reason that you're weaving all over the road?"

The woman replied, "Oh officer, thank goodness you're here! I almost had an accident. I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!"

Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the officer replied, "Ma'am... that's your air freshener."

[LAWRENCE]

Car Trouble

A young Blonde sat in her stalled car, waiting for help. Finally, two men walked up to her.

"I'm out of gas," she purred. "Could you push me to the gas station?"

The men readily put their muscles to the car and rolled it several blocks. After awhile, one looked up, exhausted, to see that they had just passed a gas station.

"We just passed a station! How come you didn't turn in?" he yelled.

"Oh, I never go there," the Blonde shouted back. "They don't have full service."

[goldeneagle]

Rolmfao

[LAWRENCE]

A wealthy playboy met a Beautiful Blonde girl in an exclusive
lounge. He took her to his lavish apartment where he soon
discovered she was not a tramp, but was well groomed and
apparently very intelligent.
Hoping to impress her, he began showing her his collection of
expensive paintings, first editions by famous authors and offered
her a glass of wine.
He asked whether she preferred Port or Sherry and she said,
"Oh, Sherry by all means. To me, it's the nectar of the gods.
Just looking at it in a crystal-clear decanter fills me with a
glorious sense of anticipation. When the stopper is removed and
the gorgeous liquid is poured into my glass, I inhale the
enchanting aroma and I'm lifted on the wings of ecstasy. It seems
as though I'm about to drink a magic potion and my whole being
begins to glow. The sound of a thousand violins being softly
played fills my ears and I'm transported into another world.
Port, on the other hand, makes me fart."

[squirt]

A bartender is preparing to open for the night when he hears a knock at the door, he opens the door and a beautiful blonde is standing there.

She says, "I'm shy could I get a drink before you open?"

So he lets her in. "What`ll it be?"

"Twenty-five whiskeys please. Just line 'em up."

He is shocked that she would want so much, but he fills them and he watches her down the lot one by one. She then collapsed on the floor.

The bartender looks over the bar, not bad he thinks and takes her upstairs. When he has had enough he goes back down to open up.

It's a really busy night and to boost business he sells the girl for a twenty bucks per go. Everyone wants a turn, and he makes a fortune.

When he has closed up, he takes the girl and puts her outside the door where she first came from and he counts his profits.

The next night at the same time the doorbell rings again so he answers and the girl is back. He can`t believe his luck. Inviting her in he asks, "Twenty five whiskeys again, Darlin'?"

"Oh no," she replies, "vodka please. Whiskey makes my twat sore."

[LAWRENCE]

Two blonde girls from Essex walk into a department store. They
walk up to the perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle.

Sharon sprays it on her wrist and smells it,

"That's quite nice, don'tcha fink, Susan."

"Yeah. Wot's it called Sharon?"

"Viens a moi."

"Viens a moi? Wot's that mean?"

At this stage the store clerk offers some help.

"Viens a moi, ladies, is French for 'come to me.'"

Sharon takes another sniff and offers her arm to Susan again
saying,

"That don't smell like come to me. Does that smell like come to
you?"

[goldeneagle]

Blonde gals...gotta love em

[LAWRENCE]

A businessman got on an elevator. When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright, "T-G-I-F." He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T." She looked puzzled and repeated, "T-G-I-F," more slowly. He again answered, "S-H-I-T."

The blonde was trying to keep it friendly so she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly as possible, "T-G-I-F." The man smiled back to her and said once again, "S-H-I-T."

The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain. "T-G-I-F" means, "Thank Goodness It's Friday. Get it? Duhhhhh." To which the man answered, "Yes doll, and S-H-I-T means Sorry Honey, It's Thursday."