Todays Blonde Joke......

[LAWRENCE]

Three Blondes went fishing and they were not having the best of luck. They stayed there for fourteen hours and did not catch a thing.

They saw three brunettes fishing just down the shore and they were hauling in fish after fish. At least three fish an hour.

So the blondes decide that they should go spy on the brunettes. They can't all go because they don't want to leave there equipment alone. So one of the blondes volunteers.

She sneeks quietly down the bank and watches the brunettes pull in fish after fish after fish. She finally realizes what the brunettes are doing differently.

She excitedly runs back to her friends and exclaims " You guys, they actually cut a hole in the ice"

[brilor]

One day a blonde is hiking in the woods. She follows the trail until she comes upon a river. As she is thinking how she can get across the river; another blonde appears on the opposite side.
The blonde yells to the other blonde "How do I get to the other side?"
The other blonde looks up and then down the river and yells back:
"You are on the other side!"

[LAWRENCE]

A blonde gets home early from shopping and hears
Strange noises coming from the bedroom. She rushes
Upstairs to find her husband naked on the bed,
Sweating and panting.

"What's up?" she asks.

"I'm having a heart attack," cries the husband.

The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone,
But just as she's dialing, her four-year-old son
Comes up and says, "Mommy! Mommy! Aunt Shirley is
Hiding in your closet, and she's got no clothes on!"

The blonde slams the phone down and storms upstairs
Into the bedroom, right past her husband, and rips
Open the closet door.

Sure enough, there is her sister, totally naked and
Cowering on the closet floor.

"You rotten bitch," she screams. "My husband's
Having a heart attack, and you're running around
Naked scaring the kids!"

[brilor]

One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window. The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver was! Drop dead blonde, the works.

"I've pulled you over for speeding, Miss... Could I see your driver's license?"

"What's a license?" replied the blonde, instantly giving away the fact that she was as dumb as a stump.

"It's usually in your wallet" replied the officer.

After fumbling for a few minutes, the driver managed to find it.

"Now may I see your registration?" asked the cop.

"Registration... What's that?" asked the blonde.

"It's usually in your glove compartment..." said the cop impatiently. After some more fumbling, she found the registration.

"I'll be back in a minute." said the cop and walked back to his car. The officer phoned into the dispatch to run a check on the woman's license and registration.

After a few moments, the dispatcher came back; "Is this woman driving a red sports car?"

"Yes...." replied the officer

"Is she a drop dead gorgeous blonde?" asked the dispatcher

"Yes" replied the cop.

"Here's what you have to do..." Said the dispatcher. "Give her the stuff back, and drop your pants."

"What? I can't do that. It's inappropriate!" exclaimed the cop.

"Trust me... Just do it..." said the dispatcher.

So the cop goes back to the car, gives back the license and registration and drops his pants, just as the dispatcher said.

The blonde looks down and sighs "Oh no... Not ANOTHER breathalyzer!"

[LAWRENCE]

A Blonde took her car to her mechanic. She told him "Every time I Take any of my friends out in my car, After a while there is this terrible smell!!! It never happens when I am driving alone"?? This intrigued the mechanic, so he said, "OK, lets go for a spin And see what the problem is." Off they went. She drove down a one-way street in the wrong direction
At 70 MPH, swerving, Hitting the curb on both sides of the street, Narrowly missed three pedestrians in Pedestrian crossings, Ran several red lights, And just missed a Policeman on street traffic duty. Then, they returned to the shop, and she said, "There it is now...
there's that terrible smell! Can you smell it?" "Smell it? Lady, I'm sittin' in it!!

[goldeneagle]

ROFLMFAO...them were good ones

[brilor]

This blonde had a near death experience the other day.

She climbed on top of a horse, and all of a sudden it started moving.
She was a little frightened, this was her first time, but she kept on the horse. Then the horse started going fast and got out of control, and the blonde couldn't stay on, she fell of, but her foot got stuck, and she was dragging on the ground.
She started screaming, and was in great pain.

Then the wal-mart manager came outside and unplugged the horse.

[LAWRENCE]

***********
80,000 blondes meet in the Kansas City Chiefs Stadium for a "Blondes
Are Not Stupid" Convention
The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that
blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"
A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the
stage.
The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?"
After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen!"
Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 blondes start
cheering, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"
The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting
80,000 of you in one place and we have the world- wide press and
global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance."
So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?"
After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, "Ninety?"
The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected
sigh -- everyone is disheartened - the blonde starts crying and the
80,000 girls begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, "GIVE HER
ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"
The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage,
eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance -- What is 2 plus 2?"
The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says,
"Four?"
Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 girls jump
to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream... "Give
her another chance! Give her another chance!"

[LAWRENCE]

Blonde Caller: 'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?'
Operator: 'I'm sorry, I don't understand who you are talking about'.
Blond Caller: 'On page 1 section 5, of the user guide it clearly states
that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC Wall Socket and
Telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?'

[BountyHunter]

How To Confuse A Blonde!


Q: How Do You Confuse A Blonde?
A: Put Her In A Round Room And Tell Her To Find
The Corner!


Q: How Does A Blonde Confuse The World?
A: She Actually Finds The Corner!


Q: How Do You Re-Confuse A Blonde?
A: Tell Her She Found The Wrong Corner!