Todays Blonde Joke......

[LAWRENCE]

One day a young blonde girl was driving to her work when she noticed another blonde girl sitting in a rowing boat right in the middle of a field.

Furiously, she got out of the car and yelled out, "What on earth are you doing??? You know, it's blondes like you that give all of us bad names. If I knew how to swim I'd come out there and kick your a$$!"

[LAWRENCE]

Breast StrokeThere was a competition to cross the English channel doing only the breaststroke, and the three women who entered the race were a brunette, a redhead and a blonde.
After approximately 14 hours, the brunette staggered up on the shore and was declared the fastest. About 40 minutes later, the redhead crawled up on the shore and was declared the second place finisher.

Nearly 4 hours after that, the blonde finally came ashore and promptly collapsed in front of the worried onlookers.

When the reporters asked why it took her so long to complete the race, she replied, "I don't want to sound like I'm a sore loser, but I think those two other girls were using their arms..."




Three women walk into a bar: a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde.

The brunette says to the bartender, "Give me a 'BL'."

Bartender: "What's a 'BL'?"

Brunette: "Duh, a Bud Light."

Bartender: (speaking to redhead) "OK, what'll you have?"

Redhead: "Give me a 'ML'."

Bartender: "Let me guess, a Miller Lite?"

Redhead: "Duh, yeah!"

Bartender: "And for you?"

Blonde: "I'll have a 15"

Bartender: "A fifteen, what the hell is that?"

Blonde: "Duh, Seven and 7"

[brilor]

A guy went on a date with a girl and it went so well that they ended up back at HER place.

They went up stairs and they started having sex,after giving it to her 5 times the guy's bellend was red raw so when she was sleeping he went downstairs to find some vaseline but couldn't find any.Then he saw a glass of milk sitting on the table so he dunked his bellend and the rest of his bollocks in the glass,the blonde came downstairs behind him, saw him dunk his balls in the milk and said " oh, so that's how you refill it "

[LAWRENCE]

The high-school, blonde and bosomy cheerleader confessed
to her kindly old Priest that she'd often have sex with her
boyfriend in the front seat of his car.
"Now my daughter," consoled the Priest, "I'm sure if you
think about it, you'll know you've been doing something wrong."
"Yeah, I guess you right." replied the cheerleader. "Maybe it
would be more comfortable in the back seat."

[LAWRENCE]

One spring morning, a blonde was excited to try out her new boat. She was unable to have her boat perform, travel through water, or do any maneuvers whatsoever no matter how hard she tried. After trying for over three days to make it work properly, she decided to seek professional help. She pulled the boat over to the local marina in hopes that someone there could identify her problem. The workers determined that everything from the engine to the outdrive was working perfectly on the topside of the boat. So,a puzzled marina employee jumped into the water to check underneath the boat for problems. Because he was laughing so hard, he came up choking on water and gasping for air. Under the boat, still strapped in place securely, was the trailer.

[BountyHunter]

The Blonde's Exam!


The blonde reported for her University final examination which consists of "yes/no" type questions. She took her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration took her purse out, removed a coin and started tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet - Yes for Heads and No for Tails.

Within half an hour she is all done whereas the rest of the class was sweating it out.

During the last few minutes, she was seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating.

The moderator, alarmed, approached her and asked what was going on.

"I finished the exam in half an hour. But," she said, "I am rechecking my answers."

[brilor]

There is a blonde, a redhead and a brunette on the stairway to heaven.

God says, "There are 3,000 steps and i'll tell you a joke on each 1,000th step you reach. If you laugh you go to hell."

So they start walking and reach to the first 1,000th step. God tells a joke, the brunette laughs and goes to hell.

Then on the 2,000th step God tells a joke, the redhead laughs and goes to hell.

On the 3,000th step God tells a joke, the blonde doesn't laugh and proceeds to the gate.

Suddenly, she bursts out laughing. God asks, "what are you laughing about?", so she replies, "i just got the first joke!".

[brilor]

Blonde Goes Into The Bank, Takes Out Her Gun, Points It To The Teller And Says:

"give Me The Money Or You Are Geography!"

The Teller, Still In Shock, Replies:

"madam, You Mean I'm History."

Blonde Angrily Replies:

"heh Buster!!! Don't Change The Subject!"

[LAWRENCE]

A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist.
Blonde: "I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining
that they can never reach me."
Psychiatrist: "Don't you have a phone in your car?"
Blonde: "That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best
thing. I put a mailbox in my car."
Psychiatrist: "Uh ... How's that working?"
Blonde: "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet."
Psychiatrist: "And why do you think that is?"
Blonde: "I figure it's because when I'm driving around, my
zip code keeps changing."

[LAWRENCE]

There were these two blondes driving along the highway looking for a place to stop and picnic. The first blonde says, "Let's stop here, and have our picnic under that tree." The other says, "No! Let's have it right here in the middle of the road." They argued about it for a bit, but finally agreed to have it in the middle of the road. All of a sudden, a car comes speeding towards them and has to swerve into the tree to keep from hitting them. The one blonde says to the other, "See? If we were under that tree, we'd be dead now!"