Todays Blonde Joke...... - Page 18

brilor · 03-21-2008, 07:12 AM

The body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says, 'What a great chest you have!'

He tells her, 'That's 180 lbs. of dynamite, Baby.'

He takes off his pants and the blonde says, 'What massive calves you have!'
The body builder tells her, 'That's 180 lbs. Of dynamite, Baby.'

He then removes his underwear, and the blonde goes running out of
the apartment screaming in fear.

The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her.
He catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like that.

The blonde replies, 'I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw how short the fuse was !!!!!

brilor · 03-21-2008, 08:56 AM

Three blondes died in a car crash trying to jump the Grand Canyon and are at the pearly gates of heaven. St.Peter tells them that they can enter the gates if they can answer one simple question. St. Peter asks the first blonde, "What is Easter?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy! It's the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and are thankful..." "Wrong!, You must go to HELL" replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second blonde the same question, "What is Easter?" The second blonde replies, "Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus." St. Peter looks at the second blonde, bangs his head in disgust on the Pearly Gates, tells her she's wrong and to go to HELL, and then peers over his glasses at the third blonde and asks,

"What is Easter?" The third blonde smiles confidently and looks St. Peter in the eyes, "I know what Easter is." "Oh?" says St. Peter, incredulously.

"Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper and Jesus was later deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross with nails through his hands. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder." St. Peter smiles broadly with delight. The third blonde continues, "Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out... and, if he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter."

brilor · 03-21-2008, 08:56 AM

Once there was this guy, and he was driving in his car, and all of a sudden, he sees the Easter Bunny hopping on the road. Well, he was going too fast, and he didn't hit the brakes in time, so he hit the Easter Bunny.

He was really upset, and was thinking, "Oh no, what about all those poor little kids?? What can I do!?" Then, a blonde drove up in her car, and asked, "What's wrong?" "I hit the Easter Bunny!!" said the guy. "Oh, I know what to do," said the blonde, and she went into her car, got a can, and sprayed the Easter Bunny with it.

A few minutes later, the Easter Bunny got up, hopped a little bit, turned around and waved, hopped a little, turned around and waved, and it kept doing that. When the Easter Bunny was out of sight, the guy turned to the blonde and asked, "Wow, I'm dying to know what was in that can!!"

"Oh," said the blonde, "It was hair spray. It says, 'Spray on dead hair for permanent wave.'"

LAWRENCE · 03-22-2008, 09:06 PM

A blonde walks up to a guy in a blue bathing suit and
says, "Did you know your eyes match your swim trunks?"

He says, "Why? Are my eyes bulging?"

LAWRENCE · 03-23-2008, 04:07 PM

A furrier from the United States went to Helsinki, Finland to purchase furs. The first night in Helsinki he met a gorgeous blonde named Astrid, and before long the two were alone in his hotel room. The encounter turned physical and soon their love-making session was complete. After they were finished the man attempted to chat with Astrid but it wasn't going well. He said, "I'm afraid my Finnish isn't too good." Astrid replied, "Your foreplay ain't all that hot either!"

LAWRENCE · 03-23-2008, 04:08 PM

Two blondes are waiting at a bus stop, when a bus pulls
up and opens the door. One of the blondes leans inside
and asks the driver, "Will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?"
The bus driver shakes his head and says, "No, I'm Sorry."
At this the other blonde leans inside, smiles and twitters,
"Will it take ME?"

brilor · 03-24-2008, 06:26 AM

Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left."

Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry ... we can fly just fine on two engines."

An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don't worry ... we still have one engine left."

A young blonde passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"

brilor · 03-24-2008, 06:29 AM

A brunette woman goes into the dr.'s office.
She tells the Dr. : "It hurts all over my body."
He says: "point to where it hurts".
She points to her shoulder and yells "OUCH!". She then points to her hip and yells "OUCH!". Finally she points to her knee and screams in pain "OUCH!!!".
The Dr. asks her "Are you a true blonde and dyed your hair brown?"
She says: "yes, how did you know"?
He answers: "YOU HAVE A BROKEN FINGER!!!".

brilor · 03-27-2008, 10:59 AM

Two blondes went to the market. While they were there, they each bought a horse. When they got home, they discussed how to tell their horses apart. They decided to cut the tail off of one. That worked for a while, but soon the tail grew back, so they decided that they would break one of the horses' legs. One of the blondes said, "Which of the horses should we break the leg off of, the brown one or the white one?".

LAWRENCE · 03-28-2008, 05:36 PM

The blonde reported for her final examination which consisted
Of Yes/No answers. She takes her seat in the examination hall,
Stares at the question paper, and then in a bit of inspiration,
Takes a quarter out of her purse. The blonde then starts
Tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet "Yes"
For heads and "No" for tails.Within 30 minutes she's all
Done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During
The last few minutes of the exam period, the blonde again
Frantically starts flipping the coin again.The moderator, concerned
About what she's doing, stops by and asks if she's ok. "Oh yes, I'm fine.
I finished the exam a half hour ago -- but, " explained the
Frantic coin-tossing blonde, "I'm going back thru and checking
My answers!"

03-21-2008, 07:12 AM	#171 (permalink)
brilor Jokaroo VIP Status Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: In between the devil and the deep blue sea! Posts: 53,147 Rep Power: 2193	He's dyamite The body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says, 'What a great chest you have!' He tells her, 'That's 180 lbs. of dynamite, Baby.' He takes off his pants and the blonde says, 'What massive calves you have!' The body builder tells her, 'That's 180 lbs. Of dynamite, Baby.' He then removes his underwear, and the blonde goes running out of the apartment screaming in fear. The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her. He catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like that. The blonde replies, 'I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw how short the fuse was !!!!! __________________ {Thanks Sexy Sadie}

03-22-2008, 09:06 PM	#174 (permalink)
LAWRENCE Senior Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: VANCOUVER ISLAND CANADA Posts: 6,387 Rep Power: 661	A blonde walks up to a guy in a blue bathing suit and says, "Did you know your eyes match your swim trunks?" He says, "Why? Are my eyes bulging?" __________________ ******************

03-23-2008, 04:07 PM	#175 (permalink)
LAWRENCE Senior Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: VANCOUVER ISLAND CANADA Posts: 6,387 Rep Power: 661	A furrier from the United States went to Helsinki, Finland to purchase furs. The first night in Helsinki he met a gorgeous blonde named Astrid, and before long the two were alone in his hotel room. The encounter turned physical and soon their love-making session was complete. After they were finished the man attempted to chat with Astrid but it wasn't going well. He said, "I'm afraid my Finnish isn't too good." Astrid replied, "Your foreplay ain't all that hot either!" __________________ ******************

03-23-2008, 04:08 PM	#176 (permalink)
LAWRENCE Senior Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: VANCOUVER ISLAND CANADA Posts: 6,387 Rep Power: 661	Two blondes are waiting at a bus stop, when a bus pulls up and opens the door. One of the blondes leans inside and asks the driver, "Will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?" The bus driver shakes his head and says, "No, I'm Sorry." At this the other blonde leans inside, smiles and twitters, "Will it take ME?" __________________ ******************

03-28-2008, 05:36 PM	#180 (permalink)
LAWRENCE Senior Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: VANCOUVER ISLAND CANADA Posts: 6,387 Rep Power: 661	The blonde reported for her final examination which consisted Of Yes/No answers. She takes her seat in the examination hall, Stares at the question paper, and then in a bit of inspiration, Takes a quarter out of her purse. The blonde then starts Tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet "Yes" For heads and "No" for tails.Within 30 minutes she's all Done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During The last few minutes of the exam period, the blonde again Frantically starts flipping the coin again.The moderator, concerned About what she's doing, stops by and asks if she's ok. "Oh yes, I'm fine. I finished the exam a half hour ago -- but, " explained the Frantic coin-tossing blonde, "I'm going back thru and checking My answers!" __________________ ******************

03-21-2008, 08:56 AM	#172 (permalink)
brilor Jokaroo VIP Status Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: In between the devil and the deep blue sea! Posts: 53,147 Rep Power: 2193	Three blondes died in a car crash trying to jump the Grand Canyon and are at the pearly gates of heaven. St.Peter tells them that they can enter the gates if they can answer one simple question. St. Peter asks the first blonde, "What is Easter?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy! It's the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and are thankful..." "Wrong!, You must go to HELL" replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second blonde the same question, "What is Easter?" The second blonde replies, "Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus." St. Peter looks at the second blonde, bangs his head in disgust on the Pearly Gates, tells her she's wrong and to go to HELL, and then peers over his glasses at the third blonde and asks, "What is Easter?" The third blonde smiles confidently and looks St. Peter in the eyes, "I know what Easter is." "Oh?" says St. Peter, incredulously. "Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper and Jesus was later deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross with nails through his hands. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder." St. Peter smiles broadly with delight. The third blonde continues, "Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out... and, if he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter."

03-21-2008, 08:56 AM	#173 (permalink)
brilor Jokaroo VIP Status Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: In between the devil and the deep blue sea! Posts: 53,147 Rep Power: 2193	Once there was this guy, and he was driving in his car, and all of a sudden, he sees the Easter Bunny hopping on the road. Well, he was going too fast, and he didn't hit the brakes in time, so he hit the Easter Bunny. He was really upset, and was thinking, "Oh no, what about all those poor little kids?? What can I do!?" Then, a blonde drove up in her car, and asked, "What's wrong?" "I hit the Easter Bunny!!" said the guy. "Oh, I know what to do," said the blonde, and she went into her car, got a can, and sprayed the Easter Bunny with it. A few minutes later, the Easter Bunny got up, hopped a little bit, turned around and waved, hopped a little, turned around and waved, and it kept doing that. When the Easter Bunny was out of sight, the guy turned to the blonde and asked, "Wow, I'm dying to know what was in that can!!" "Oh," said the blonde, "It was hair spray. It says, 'Spray on dead hair for permanent wave.'"

03-24-2008, 06:26 AM	#177 (permalink)
brilor Jokaroo VIP Status Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: In between the devil and the deep blue sea! Posts: 53,147 Rep Power: 2193	Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left." Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry ... we can fly just fine on two engines." An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don't worry ... we still have one engine left." A young blonde passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"

03-24-2008, 06:29 AM	#178 (permalink)
brilor Jokaroo VIP Status Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: In between the devil and the deep blue sea! Posts: 53,147 Rep Power: 2193	A brunette woman goes into the dr.'s office. She tells the Dr. : "It hurts all over my body." He says: "point to where it hurts". She points to her shoulder and yells "OUCH!". She then points to her hip and yells "OUCH!". Finally she points to her knee and screams in pain "OUCH!!!". The Dr. asks her "Are you a true blonde and dyed your hair brown?" She says: "yes, how did you know"? He answers: "YOU HAVE A BROKEN FINGER!!!".

03-27-2008, 10:59 AM	#179 (permalink)
brilor Jokaroo VIP Status Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: In between the devil and the deep blue sea! Posts: 53,147 Rep Power: 2193	Two blondes went to the market. While they were there, they each bought a horse. When they got home, they discussed how to tell their horses apart. They decided to cut the tail off of one. That worked for a while, but soon the tail grew back, so they decided that they would break one of the horses' legs. One of the blondes said, "Which of the horses should we break the leg off of, the brown one or the white one?".