Todays Blonde Joke...... - Page 19

LAWRENCE · 04-01-2008, 04:17 AM

NEW INVENTIONS BY BLONDES:
***********************
The water-proof towel

Glow in the dark sunglasses

Solar powered flashlight

Submarine screen door

A book on how to read

Inflatable dart board

A dictionary index

Powdered water

Pedal powered wheel chair

Water proof tea bags

Zero proof alcohol

Reusable ice cubes

Skinless bananas

Do it yourself roadmap

Kryten · 04-01-2008, 06:09 AM

One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.
The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of
the car.
He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her
to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.
Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.
The blonde started laughing.
This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.
This time the blonde laughed even harder.
Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.
The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her
what's so funny.
The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out
of the circle three times!"

brilor · 04-02-2008, 09:14 AM

Q;what's the difference between ablonde and a mosquito?
A;when u slap a mosquito it stops sucking.

LAWRENCE · 04-02-2008, 07:36 PM

A blonde woman goes to the supermarket. She starts walking up and down the aisles. Each aisle she goes to she touches her head, her ears, her breasts, and her crotch. After doing this a for a number of aisles a store clerk approaches her and ask if she is having a problem. She shakes her head and say "no."Perplexed he asks why she stops at each aisle and touches her head, ears, breasts, and crotch."Oh" say the blonde, "I'm just trying to remember my grocery list. "Puzzeled, he asks for an explanation, so she goes thru the motions again.She touches her head and says, "Head of lettuce."Ears. "Two ears of corn." Breasts. "Two chicken breasts." Crotch: "Fantastic."

brilor · 04-07-2008, 08:25 AM

Blonde: I've been ringing 0800 2100 for two days and can't get through to
enquiries, can you help?
Operator: Where did you get that number from, madam?
Blonde: It was on the door to the Travel Centre.
Operator: Madam, that's our operating hours.

brilor · 04-07-2008, 08:29 AM

The guy orders a beer. The bartender fills the mug and slides it down the
bar. It hits the lady's boobs and splashes all over them. The bartender
goes over, retrieves the mug and licks the beer off the blonde.

Each time he calls for a beer this happens. So after his third beer, he
decides to help the bartender out. The next time the bartender hits her
boobs, the man jumps up and starts to lick her breasts...AND SHE DECKS
HIM!!!.

He's laying on the floor moaning and groaning, "Jeez...then why do you let
the bartender do it?"

Get ready...here it comes......... . .

"Because," says the blonde, "he has a licker license !"

brilor · 04-11-2008, 12:13 PM

There's this blonde who goes into an electronics shop, and asks the bloke in there if she can buy this TV. But the bloke says Sorry, we dont serve blondes.
So she goes away, dyes her hair brown, and goes back. Sorry, we dont serve blondes, the bloke says.
So she goes back and dyes her hair ginger, but he still tells her they dont serve blondes.
Sooooo, she goes back yet again, but dyes her hair black. Again, she asks if she can buy the TV, but yet again, she cant get served.
Look, she says, how can you tell i'm a blonde, even tho i've dyed my hair???

Sorry lady, thats a microwave!!!!

brilor · 04-12-2008, 02:18 PM

After a long night, the blonde asks her friend: "Say, do you have AIDS?".
"NO!", the guy answers firmly, "Of course not!"
"Oh, that’s good", replies the blonde, "I don't wanna catch it again".

brilor · 04-14-2008, 09:25 AM

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen
many books on the subject, and finally, after
getting all the necessary "tools" together,
she made for the nearest frozen body of water.

After positioning her comfy footstool, she
started to make a circular cut in the ice.

Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed, "THERE
ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"

Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice,
poured a Thermos of cappuccino. And began to cut
yet another hole.

Again, from the heavens, the voice bellowed,
"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"

The Blonde, now quite worried, moved way down to
the opposite end of the ice, set up her stool,
and tried again to cut her hole.

The voice came once more. "THERE ARE NO FISH
UNDER THE ICE!" She stopped, looked skyward,
and said, "Is that you, Lord?"

The voice replied, "No...this is the manager
of the hockey rink..."

brilor · 04-15-2008, 09:55 AM

A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor.
The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."

"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But, what happened to your
other ear?"

"The jerk called back!"

04-01-2008, 04:17 AM	#181 (permalink)
LAWRENCE Senior Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: VANCOUVER ISLAND CANADA Posts: 6,387 Rep Power: 661	NEW INVENTIONS BY BLONDES: ********************* The water-proof towel Glow in the dark sunglasses Solar powered flashlight Submarine screen door A book on how to read Inflatable dart board A dictionary index Powdered water Pedal powered wheel chair Water proof tea bags Zero proof alcohol Reusable ice cubes Skinless bananas Do it yourself roadmap __________________ ****************

04-01-2008, 06:09 AM	#182 (permalink)
Kryten Jokaroo Enthusiast Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: UK Posts: 22,893 Rep Power: 1338	One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck. The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car. He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle. Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires. The blonde started laughing. This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield. This time the blonde laughed even harder. Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car. The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny. The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!" __________________

04-02-2008, 07:36 PM	#184 (permalink)
LAWRENCE Senior Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: VANCOUVER ISLAND CANADA Posts: 6,387 Rep Power: 661	A blonde woman goes to the supermarket. She starts walking up and down the aisles. Each aisle she goes to she touches her head, her ears, her breasts, and her crotch. After doing this a for a number of aisles a store clerk approaches her and ask if she is having a problem. She shakes her head and say "no."Perplexed he asks why she stops at each aisle and touches her head, ears, breasts, and crotch."Oh" say the blonde, "I'm just trying to remember my grocery list. "Puzzeled, he asks for an explanation, so she goes thru the motions again.She touches her head and says, "Head of lettuce."Ears. "Two ears of corn." Breasts. "Two chicken breasts." Crotch: "Fantastic." __________________ ******************

04-02-2008, 09:14 AM	#183 (permalink)
brilor Jokaroo VIP Status Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: In between the devil and the deep blue sea! Posts: 53,147 Rep Power: 2193	Q;what's the difference between ablonde and a mosquito? A;when u slap a mosquito it stops sucking.

04-07-2008, 08:25 AM	#185 (permalink)
brilor Jokaroo VIP Status Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: In between the devil and the deep blue sea! Posts: 53,147 Rep Power: 2193	Blonde: I've been ringing 0800 2100 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help? Operator: Where did you get that number from, madam? Blonde: It was on the door to the Travel Centre. Operator: Madam, that's our operating hours.

04-07-2008, 08:29 AM	#186 (permalink)
brilor Jokaroo VIP Status Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: In between the devil and the deep blue sea! Posts: 53,147 Rep Power: 2193	The guy orders a beer. The bartender fills the mug and slides it down the bar. It hits the lady's boobs and splashes all over them. The bartender goes over, retrieves the mug and licks the beer off the blonde. Each time he calls for a beer this happens. So after his third beer, he decides to help the bartender out. The next time the bartender hits her boobs, the man jumps up and starts to lick her breasts...AND SHE DECKS HIM!!!. He's laying on the floor moaning and groaning, "Jeez...then why do you let the bartender do it?" Get ready...here it comes......... . . "Because," says the blonde, "he has a licker license !"

04-11-2008, 12:13 PM	#187 (permalink)
brilor Jokaroo VIP Status Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: In between the devil and the deep blue sea! Posts: 53,147 Rep Power: 2193	There's this blonde who goes into an electronics shop, and asks the bloke in there if she can buy this TV. But the bloke says Sorry, we dont serve blondes. So she goes away, dyes her hair brown, and goes back. Sorry, we dont serve blondes, the bloke says. So she goes back and dyes her hair ginger, but he still tells her they dont serve blondes. Sooooo, she goes back yet again, but dyes her hair black. Again, she asks if she can buy the TV, but yet again, she cant get served. Look, she says, how can you tell i'm a blonde, even tho i've dyed my hair??? Sorry lady, thats a microwave!!!!

04-12-2008, 02:18 PM	#188 (permalink)
brilor Jokaroo VIP Status Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: In between the devil and the deep blue sea! Posts: 53,147 Rep Power: 2193	After a long night, the blonde asks her friend: "Say, do you have AIDS?". "NO!", the guy answers firmly, "Of course not!" "Oh, that’s good", replies the blonde, "I don't wanna catch it again".

04-14-2008, 09:25 AM	#189 (permalink)
brilor Jokaroo VIP Status Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: In between the devil and the deep blue sea! Posts: 53,147 Rep Power: 2193	A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary "tools" together, she made for the nearest frozen body of water. After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a Thermos of cappuccino. And began to cut yet another hole. Again, from the heavens, the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" The Blonde, now quite worried, moved way down to the opposite end of the ice, set up her stool, and tried again to cut her hole. The voice came once more. "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" She stopped, looked skyward, and said, "Is that you, Lord?" The voice replied, "No...this is the manager of the hockey rink..."

04-15-2008, 09:55 AM	#190 (permalink)
brilor Jokaroo VIP Status Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: In between the devil and the deep blue sea! Posts: 53,147 Rep Power: 2193	A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear." "Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But, what happened to your other ear?" "The jerk called back!"