Todays Blonde Joke......

[Kryten]

One day while returning to my desk after a routine call, one of our
Blonde female employees flagged me down and asked for help. "My floppy
drive won't work, can you help me?" I told her I'd take a look and
proceeded over to her machine, where I Found shredded up clear plastic
Baggie-like stuff hanging out of her 3.5" floppy drive. While I spent
the next 20 minutes getting her disk out and digging Out the plastic,
I noticed two guys in the corner of the office Trying awful hard to
keep a straight face. Suspecting some mischief, I asked her how the
plastic got into the Drive." Oh, you mean the condom!""Condom?" "Yes,
John & Dave over there told me to always put a condom on my Disk
before inserting it, to prevent catching viruses" By this point John &
Dave were roaring and it was all I could do to Keep from joining them.
The "condom" turned out to be a standard 3.5" Plastic sleeve. I
delicately explained to her that a practical joke had been played And
she shouldn't do that anymore. Then she asked in a dead-serious
voice": Does that mean I don't have To stroke it ten times or blow on
it either?"

[squirt]

A stunning blonde had gone to her student advisor for some course problems, but seemed to be paying only half attention to his replies. "Are you feeling OK?" he asked. "Well, to be honest, I have this compulsion to have sex with every man I meet," she admitted. "Is there a name for my condition?" "Why yes, there is," he said, as he picked her up and began carrying her to the couch. "It's called 'Good News.'"

[Kryten]

Blond, Red & Brunette*

A blonde, a red head and a brunette sign up with a tourist
group and chartered a double-decker bus to go to London.
There are only two seats left on the bottom of the bus and
only one seat in the top of the bus available when they
board. They decided to take turns riding in the top and
flipped a coin to see who got the first turn. The blonde
won the toss.

A couple of hours later it's the red head's turn so she
walks up the stairs, and sees the blonde sitting there
scared half to death. She's clutching the seat in front
of her so hard that her knuckles are white.

"What's goin' on?" thered head asks. We're havin' a grand
old time down below." The blonde replies, "Yeah, but
you've got a driver."

[squirt]

A young Blonde was telling her friend at a cocktail party that she was off men for life. "They lie, cheat, and they are no good. From now on, when I'm horny I'll use my vibrator." "But what if the batteries run out? What will you do?" asked the friend. "Same as I do with my boyfriend, I'll fake the orgasm."

[BountyHunter]

Blonde Between The Sheets


The preacher rose with a red face.

"Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the K.K.K. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."

No one moved.

The preacher continued, "Do you not have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood. Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression."

Again all was quiet.

Slowly a "drop dead" gorgeous blond with a body that would not stop rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and voice quivered as she spoke.

"Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I just told a couple of friends you were a wizard under the sheets."

[Kryten]

She was soooooooooooooo Blonde...

...she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

...she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

...she thought a quarterback was a refund.

...she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

...she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.

...she thought Eartha Kitt was a set of garden tools.

...she thought General Motors was in the army.

...she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.

...she thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.

...under "education" on her job application, she put
"Hooked On Phonics."

...she tripped over a cordless phone.

...she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can
because it said "concentrate."

...she told a friend to meet her at the corner of "WALK"
and "DON'T WALK."

...at the bottom of the application where it says "sign
here," she put "Sagittarius."

...she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.

...she studied for a blood test.

...she thought she needed a token to get on "Soul Train."

...she sold the car for gas money!

...when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice
instead.

...when she went to the airport and saw a sign that said
"Airport Left," she turned around and went home.

...when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the
home, she moved.

...she thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.

...if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.

...she thought that she could not use her AM radio in the
evening.

...she had a shirt that said "TGIF," which she thought
stood for "This Goes In Front."

[LAWRENCE]

A blonde walks into a chemists and asks the assistant
For some rectum deodorant.

The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that, they don't
Sell rectum deodorant and never have.

Unphased, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the
Stuff from this store on a regular basis and would like some more.

'I'm sorry,' says the pharmacist, 'We don't have any.'

'But, I always buy it here,' says the blonde.

'Do you have the container that it came in?' asks the pharmacist.

'Yes,' said the blonde, 'I'll go home and get it.'

She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks
At it and says to her,

'This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant'.

Annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud
From the container .

'TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM.

[brilor]

An airline captain was helping a new blonde flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her.

She answered the phone, crying, and said, "I can't get out of the room!"

"You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked. "Why not?"

She replied, "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

[Kryten]

A blonde was weed-eating her yard and accidentally cut off the tail of her cat
which was hiding in the grass.
She rushed her cat, along with the tail over to
WAL-MART!

Why WAL-MART??

HELLOOOOOOOOO!

WALMART is the largest retailer in the world!!!

[LAWRENCE]

A blonde and brunette were watching the 6 o'clock news. The news was about a man about ready to jump off a bridge. The brunette turns to the blonde and says, "I'll bet you $50 the man is going to jump." The blonde replies, "Okay you're on." Sure enough, the man jumps, and the blonde gives the brunette $50. The brunette says, "I can't accept this money. I watched the 5 o'clock news and saw the man jump then." "No, you have to take it," says the blonde. "I watched the 5 o'clock news too, but I didn't think he would do it again."