Todays Blonde Joke......

[LAWRENCE]

A body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says."What a great
chest you have" He tells her. "That's one hundred lbs. of dynamite,
baby." He takes off his pants and she says, "What massive calfs you
have!" The body builder tells her,"Thats one hundred lbs of dynamite,
baby!" Then he removes his underwear and the blonde goes running out of
the gym screaming in fear. The body builder puts his cloths on and
chases after her and asked wht she ran out like that. The blonde
replies, I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw how
short that fuse was!"

[Huggies]

I hope this wasn't already posted..
A blonde and a brunette were taking the elevator to the lobby from the 25th floor.

On the 23rd floor, a very handsome looking man with great hair but obvious dandruff gets into the elevator.

The women exchange a look acknowledging just how good looking this man is.

The man gets off the elevator on the 12th floor.

The women watch him exit the elevator. Then the brunette turns to the blonde and says, 'God was he good looking, but someone ought to give him some Head & Shoulders.'

To which the blonde replies, 'How do you give Shoulders?'

[LAWRENCE]

Why are blondes like pianos?
When they aren't upright, they're grand.

What do blondes do for foreplay?
Remove their underwear.



************

[LAWRENCE]

A blonde is on board a small two- seater plane when suddenly
the pilot dies. Not knowing how to fly a plane she grabs the
radio. "Mayday, Mayday! My pilot just died!" she screams.
Ground control receives her call for help and answers back:
"Don't worry, madam. I'll talk you down, just do as I say. First,
I need you to give me your height and position."
"I'm 5 foot 2 and sitting in the front seat!"

[LAWRENCE]

The high-school, blonde and bosomy cheerleader confessed to her kindly
old priest that she'd often have sex with her boyfriend in the front
seat of his car."Now my daughter," consoled the Priest, "I'm sure if
you think about it, you'll know you've been doing something wrong."
"Yeah, I guess you right." replied the cheerleader. "Maybe it would be
more comfortable in the back seat."

[LAWRENCE]

Two blondes were walking through the woods and they came to some
tracks. The first blonde said, "These look like deer tracks."
The other one said, "No, they look like moose tracks!" They
argued for quite a while. In fact, they were still arguing when
the train hit them.



A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new
dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying
that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said,
"Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"

"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs

[LAWRENCE]

There are three blondes washed up on an island.

Suddenly a fairy appears and offers to grant each one of them one wish.

The first blonde asks to be intelligent. Instantly, she is turned into a brown haired woman and she swims off the island.

The next one asks to be even more intelligent than the previous one, so instantly she is turned into a ravishing redhead. The redhead builds a boat and sails off the island.

The third blonde asks to become even more intelligent than the previous two.

The fairy turns her into a man, and he walks across the bridge.

[LAWRENCE]

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up to him.
She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the
door. The trucker lowers the window and she says,

"Hi, my name is Heather and you're losing some of your load."

The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.

When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up
again. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks
on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've
never spoken before, the blonde says brightly,

"Hi, my name is Heather and you're losing some of your load!"

Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues
down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens
again. All out of breath the blonde gets out of her car, runs up
to his truck, and knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers
the window. Again she says,

"Hi, my name is Heather and you're losing some of your load!"

When the light turns green, the trucker revs up and races to the
next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the
truck and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window and as
she lowers it,he says...

"Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in Minnesota and I'm driving
the SALT TRUCK!"

[LAWRENCE]

A beautiful blonde goes into a bar and sits down next to a guy that's so homely looking, he hasn't had a date in over a year, also, he's sooooo dumb that one night he slept with a ruler next to his head to see how long he slept. So he figures that he has absolutely no chance in the world to score a date with this ravishing buxom blonde. Then suddenly she strikes up a conversation with him and soon they become rather chummy. It starts to get late and the bartender calls out last drink for alcohol, then the blonde leans over to the guy and says, "Let's have this last drink at my apartment." Taken back by her request, and trembling, the guy finally utters the word, "OK." They get up from the bar stool arm and arm headed for the door, when the blonde stops him and says, "Before we go back to my apartment there's one thing I have to tell you, I'm on my menstrual cycle." He says, ..."That's ok, I'll follow you in my Honda."

[Kryten]

A blonde and her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor's dog. It has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours. The blonde jumps up out of bed and says, 'I've had enough of this! She goes downstairs.

The blonde finally comes back up to bed and her husband says 'The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?'


The blonde says, 'I put the dog in our backyard, let's see how THEY like it.'