Todays Blonde Joke......

[LAWRENCE]

There were these two blondes driving along the highway looking
for a place to stop and picnic. The first blonde says,

"Let's stop here, and have our picnic under that tree."

The other says, "No! Let's have it right here in the middle of
the road."

They argued about it for a bit, but finally agreed to have it in
the middle of the road.

All of a sudden, a car comes speeding towards them and has to
swerve into the tree to keep from hitting them.

The one blonde says to the other,

"See? If we were under that tree, we'd be dead now!"

[Kryten]

A blonde and a red head were walking along a path in a park. The red head turns to the blonde and says, "poor thing - look at the dog with one eye."

The blonde covers one of her eyes and says "where?"

[Kryten]

Three Mothers, a blonde, brunette, and a redhead were all
talking about their daughters.

The Brunette said, "I was looking through my daughters things
and I found cigarettes, I can't believe my daughter smokes."

The Redhead said, "Ladies, I was looking through my daughters things
and I found a bottle of liquor, I can't believe my daughter drinks.

The Blonde said, "I was looking through my daughters things and
I found a pack of condoms, I can't believe my daughter has a penis!"

[Kryten]

The Nail
Amy, a blonde city girl, marries a Texas rancher.
One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Amy, "The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just above the cow's stall in the
barn. You show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?" So then the rancher leaves for the fields.

After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. Amy takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him, "This is the one...right here."

Terribly impressed by what he seemed to think just might be another ditzy blonde, the man asks, "Tell me lady, how did you know this is the cow to be bred?"

"That's simple. By the nail over its stall." Amy explains very confidently.
Then the man asks, "What's the nail for?"

As she turns to walk away she says "Well, I guess it's to hang your pants on!"

[sreeja]

The names Rolex and Times are so stylish.It is from the mind with a large brain.In my opinion What is the purpose of using old names?

[squirt]

After noticing a beautiful young blonde sitting on her own in a pub, a suave, sophisticated young man confidently strolled over to the table where she was sat and said: "What can I get you, gorgeous?" The woman blushed and replied: "If you're sure you don't mind, I'll have a large stiff one, please." The man smiled, casually leaned over the table, and whispered into the woman's ear: "Would that be before or after I've got the drinks?"

[LAWRENCE]

I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......

--> she called me to get my phone number.

--> she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."

--> she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

--> she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

--> she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

--> she tried to drown a fish.

--> she thought a quarterback was a refund.

--> she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

--> she tripped over a cordless phone.

--> she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

--> she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.

--> she studied for a blood test.

--> she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.

--> when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

--> when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.

--> when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home

[LAWRENCE]

Blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The captain says they can’t just turn her away, and orders the desk officer to ask her a few questions as if doing an interview. To just ‘play along’ and humor her.

Not having any idea what to ask her to disqualify her application, the officer asks, “What’s 2+2?” “Ummm… 4!” the blonde says. Dang, the officer thinks, so tries a harder one: “What’s the square root of 100?” “Ummm… 10!” the blonde says.
“Good!” the officer says, deciding to switch from math to history. “OK, who killed Abraham Lincoln?” “Ummm… I don’t know,” she admits. “Well, you can go home and think about it,” he says, “and come back later and tell me what you’ve figured out.” He figures that’s the last he’ll see of her.

The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job. “Not only did I get the job,” the blonde says, “but I’ve already been assigned to a murder case!”

[squirt]

A young blonde secretary was describing her evening's exploits to a friend." After dinner," she said, "he wanted to come back to my apartment, but I refused. I told him my mother would worry if I did anything like that." "That was smart," her friend said, approvingly. "Then what happened" "He kept insisting, and I kept refusing," the secretary said. "You didn't weaken your resolve, did you" asked the friend. "Not one bit. In the end, we went to his apartment. I figured, let his mother worry."

[LAWRENCE]

There was this bar and in the bar there was a magic mirror.

If you told a lie it would suck you in.

One day a brunette walked into this bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.

The next day a redhead walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.

Then the next day a blond walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think...' and it sucked her in.