Todays Blonde Joke...... - Page 25

LAWRENCE · 08-01-2008, 11:52 AM

A husband was scolding his blonde wife for constantly
leaving her keys in the ignition of her car.
"I do that because if I take them out, I lose them,"
she explained."Well, what if someone steals your car?"
"Oh, that's okay. I always keep a spare set in the
glove box!"

LAWRENCE · 08-01-2008, 05:42 PM

A blonde golfer goes into the pro shop and looks around frowning.
Finally the pro asks her what she wants. "I can't find any green
golf balls," the blonde golfer complains. The pro looks all over the
shop, and through all the catalogs, and finally calls the manufacturers
and determines that sure enough, there are no green golf balls.
As the blonde golfer walks out the door in disgust, the pro asks
her, "Before you go, could you tell me why you want green golf balls?"
"Well obviously, because they would be so much easier to find in the
sand traps!"

brilor · 08-02-2008, 02:14 PM

One day two blondes each bought a pig. The problem they were having was telling the two pigs apart.

So, the first blonde had an idea: She said, "I'll cut my pig's tail off, then we will know the difference." So she cut her pig's tail off.

That night the pigs got in a fight and one pig bit the other pig's tail off. The next morning the blonde had a solution, she said,"I'll just cut my pig's right back leg off." So, she did.

That night same thing; the pigs got in a fight and one pig bit the other pig's right back leg off. The next morning the blondes were real upset and finally decided to cut the back left leg from the pig, so she did.

That night the pigs got in a fight and one pig bit the other pig's back left leg off. The next morning the blondes were really upset and didn't know how they were going to tell their pigs apart. So, one of them stated, "I will cut my pig's right front leg off. Then we can tell our pigs apart." So, she did.

That night the pigs got in a fight and one pig bit the other pig's right front leg off. The blondes were really upset and decided the only logical explanation would be to cut the remaining leg off one pig. So, they did.

That night the pigs got in a fight and one pig bit the other pig's only leg off. The next morning when the blondes awoke they were devastated. Finally, the other blonde spoke up and said, "How about you take the white one and I'll take the black one."

LAWRENCE · 08-02-2008, 04:59 PM

A blonde and a brunette were talking one day. The brunette said that her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him "Head and Shoulders" and it cleared it up. The blonde asked inquisitively, "How do you give shoulders?"

**squirt** · 08-09-2008, 08:57 PM

You are suffering form what is technically known as an Electra Complex," the psychiatrist is informing his blonde female patient. "In other words, you are in love with your father." The blonde breaks down into hysterical sobbing. "Now, now," comforts the shrink. "It's not all that bad." "Yes ... (sniff) ... yes, it is," gets out the blonde between sobs. "I have no chance at all ... he's a married man!"

**squirt** · 08-09-2008, 10:09 PM

A blonde and her boyfriend were sitting at home one night and became bored. "Hey, let's play a game" she said. "What game?" was his bored reply. "Let's play hide'n'seek. I'll give you a blow-job if you can find me." "What if I can't find you?" "I'll be behind the piano."

LAWRENCE · 08-10-2008, 04:34 PM

The Blonde and the Trees

A State Trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches the blonde lady driver. "Ma'am, is there a reason that you're weaving all over the road?"

The woman replied, "Oh officer, thank goodness you're here! I almost had an accident. I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!"

Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the officer replied, "Ma'am... that's your air freshener."

LAWRENCE · 08-15-2008, 03:02 AM

A blonde walks into a library and asks one of the librarians, "Can I have a large fries and a Coke?" The librarian hisses, "Quiet! This is a library not McDonalds." The blonde says, "Oh I'm sorry" and then whispers, "Can I have a large fries and a Coke?"

brilor · 08-16-2008, 01:32 PM

Football finally makes sense. A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first
football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After
the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all
the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each
other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, they flipped a coin. One team got it, and then for the rest of the
game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarter back! Get the quarter
back!' I'm like, Hello-o-o? It's only 25 cents!"

LAWRENCE · 08-20-2008, 10:36 PM

Why do blondes leave empty milk cartons in the fridge?
In case someone wants black coffee.

08-01-2008, 11:52 AM	#241 (permalink)
LAWRENCE Senior Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: VANCOUVER ISLAND CANADA Posts: 6,137	A husband was scolding his blonde wife for constantly leaving her keys in the ignition of her car. "I do that because if I take them out, I lose them," she explained."Well, what if someone steals your car?" "Oh, that's okay. I always keep a spare set in the glove box!" __________________ ******************

08-01-2008, 05:42 PM	#242 (permalink)
LAWRENCE Senior Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: VANCOUVER ISLAND CANADA Posts: 6,137	A blonde golfer goes into the pro shop and looks around frowning. Finally the pro asks her what she wants. "I can't find any green golf balls," the blonde golfer complains. The pro looks all over the shop, and through all the catalogs, and finally calls the manufacturers and determines that sure enough, there are no green golf balls. As the blonde golfer walks out the door in disgust, the pro asks her, "Before you go, could you tell me why you want green golf balls?" "Well obviously, because they would be so much easier to find in the sand traps!" __________________ ******************

08-02-2008, 04:59 PM	#244 (permalink)
LAWRENCE Senior Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: VANCOUVER ISLAND CANADA Posts: 6,137	A blonde and a brunette were talking one day. The brunette said that her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him "Head and Shoulders" and it cleared it up. The blonde asked inquisitively, "How do you give shoulders?" __________________ ******************

08-10-2008, 04:34 PM	#247 (permalink)
LAWRENCE Senior Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: VANCOUVER ISLAND CANADA Posts: 6,137	The Blonde and the Trees A State Trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches the blonde lady driver. "Ma'am, is there a reason that you're weaving all over the road?" The woman replied, "Oh officer, thank goodness you're here! I almost had an accident. I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!" Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the officer replied, "Ma'am... that's your air freshener." __________________ ******************

08-15-2008, 03:02 AM	#248 (permalink)
LAWRENCE Senior Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: VANCOUVER ISLAND CANADA Posts: 6,137	A blonde walks into a library and asks one of the librarians, "Can I have a large fries and a Coke?" The librarian hisses, "Quiet! This is a library not McDonalds." The blonde says, "Oh I'm sorry" and then whispers, "Can I have a large fries and a Coke?" __________________ ******************

08-02-2008, 02:14 PM	#243 (permalink)
brilor Jokaroo VIP Status Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: In between the devil and the deep blue sea! Posts: 50,551	One day two blondes each bought a pig. The problem they were having was telling the two pigs apart. So, the first blonde had an idea: She said, "I'll cut my pig's tail off, then we will know the difference." So she cut her pig's tail off. That night the pigs got in a fight and one pig bit the other pig's tail off. The next morning the blonde had a solution, she said,"I'll just cut my pig's right back leg off." So, she did. That night same thing; the pigs got in a fight and one pig bit the other pig's right back leg off. The next morning the blondes were real upset and finally decided to cut the back left leg from the pig, so she did. That night the pigs got in a fight and one pig bit the other pig's back left leg off. The next morning the blondes were really upset and didn't know how they were going to tell their pigs apart. So, one of them stated, "I will cut my pig's right front leg off. Then we can tell our pigs apart." So, she did. That night the pigs got in a fight and one pig bit the other pig's right front leg off. The blondes were really upset and decided the only logical explanation would be to cut the remaining leg off one pig. So, they did. That night the pigs got in a fight and one pig bit the other pig's only leg off. The next morning when the blondes awoke they were devastated. Finally, the other blonde spoke up and said, "How about you take the white one and I'll take the black one."

08-09-2008, 08:57 PM	#245 (permalink)
squirt Super Moderator Join Date: May 2004 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 250,073	You are suffering form what is technically known as an Electra Complex," the psychiatrist is informing his blonde female patient. "In other words, you are in love with your father." The blonde breaks down into hysterical sobbing. "Now, now," comforts the shrink. "It's not all that bad." "Yes ... (sniff) ... yes, it is," gets out the blonde between sobs. "I have no chance at all ... he's a married man!"

08-09-2008, 10:09 PM	#246 (permalink)
squirt Super Moderator Join Date: May 2004 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 250,073	A blonde and her boyfriend were sitting at home one night and became bored. "Hey, let's play a game" she said. "What game?" was his bored reply. "Let's play hide'n'seek. I'll give you a blow-job if you can find me." "What if I can't find you?" "I'll be behind the piano."

08-16-2008, 01:32 PM	#249 (permalink)
brilor Jokaroo VIP Status Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: In between the devil and the deep blue sea! Posts: 50,551	Football finally makes sense. A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin. One team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!' I'm like, Hello-o-o? It's only 25 cents!"

08-20-2008, 10:36 PM	#250 (permalink)
LAWRENCE Senior Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: VANCOUVER ISLAND CANADA Posts: 6,137	Why do blondes leave empty milk cartons in the fridge? In case someone wants black coffee. __________________ ******************

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