Todays Blonde Joke......

[LAWRENCE]

A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist.
"I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me."

Psychiatrist: "Don't you have a phone in your car?"

Blonde: "That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car."

Psychiatrist: "Uh ... How's that working?"

Blonde: "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet."

Psychiatrist: "And why do you think that is?"

Blonde: "I figure it's because when I'm driving around, my zip code keeps changing."

[LAWRENCE]

One night a blond nun was praying in her room when God appeared before
her. "My daughter, you have pleased me greatly. Your heart is full of love
for your fellow creatures and your actions and prayers are always for
the benefit of others. I have come to you, not only to thank and commend you, but to grant you anything you wish," said God.
"Dear Heavenly Father, I am perfectly happy. I am a bride of Christ. I
am doing what I love. I lack for nothing material since the Church
supports me. I am content in all ways," said the nun.
"There must be something you would have of me," said God.
"Well, there is one thing," she said. "Just name it," said God.
"It's those blonde jokes. They are so demeaning to blondes everywhere,
not just to me. I would like for blonde jokes to stop."
"Consider it done," said God. Blonde jokes shall be stricken from the
minds of humans everywhere. But surely there is something that I could
do just for you." "There is one thing. But it's really small, and not worth your time," said the nun. "Name it. Please," said God.
"It's the M&M's," said the blonde nun. "They're so hard to peel."

[brilor]

This blonde goes to the Western Union office and says, "I just have to get an urgent message to my mother in Europe." The clerk says it will be $100, and she replies "But I don't have any money.... and I must get a message to her, it's urgent!... I'll do anything to get a message to her." The clerk replies "Anything?". "Yes.... ANYTHING!" replies the blonde. He leads her back to his office and closes the door. He tells her to kneel in front of him. "Unzip me..." She does. "Take it out..... go ahead." She does this as well. She looks up at him, his member in her hands and he says "Well... go ahead... do it..." She brings her lips close to it and shouts "Hello?... Mom?"

[squirt]

The wondrously stacked blonde appeared at her door in a strapless evening gown that defied gravity. "Terrific!" said her admiring escort. "I don't see what holds that dress up!" "Play your cards right, dear, and you will," she murmured ...

[squirt]

Blondes will never be good cattle herders because they can't keep their calves together ...

[LAWRENCE]

When a blonde finally got married her husband bought her one of those fancy, electric coffee makers. It had all the latest gadgets on it. Salesman Riley carefully explained how everything worked,how to plug it in, set the timer, go back to bed, "...and upon rising the coffee is ready!" A few weeks later the blonde wife was back in the store and Riley asked her how she liked the coffee maker. "Wonderful!" she replied, "However, there's one thing I don't understand. Why do I have to go to bed every time I want to make a pot of coffee?"

[LAWRENCE]

A blonde was telling a brunette that her computer broke. So the brunette
said she would check the blonde's e-mail for her. The blonde said,
"Cool! E-mail me and tell me what I got."

[LAWRENCE]

A new blonde employee calls the Help Desk to complain that there's something wrong with her password.

"Whenever I type the password, it just shows stars," she says.

"Those asterisks are to protect you," the Help Desk technician explains, "so if someone were standing behind you, they wouldn't be able to read your password."

"Yeah," she says, "but they show up even when there is no one standing behind me."

[Vinnie]

A car gets a flat on the interstate one day. The blonde driver eases it over onto the shoulder of the road, carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk.

She takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic. The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies and private parts to approaching drivers.

Not surprisingly, the traffic becomes snarled and backed up. It isn't very long before a police car arrives. The officer, clearly enraged, approaches the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling,

'What's going on here?'

'My car broke down, officer' says the woman calmly,

'Well, what the hell are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?' he asks.

'Helllooooooo!!!!' says the blonde. 'Those are my emergency flashers!'

[LAWRENCE]

A Blonde goes to Bed Bath & Beyond to buy curtains.
She tells the clerk, 'I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains.

'The clerk assures her that they have a large selection of pink curtains.
She shows her several patterns but the blonde seems to be having a hard time choosing.

Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print.

The clerk then asks what size curtains she needs.

The blonde promptly replies, 'Seventeen inches.'
'Seventeen inches?' asked the clerk. 'That sounds very small.
What room are they for?'

The blonde says, 'They aren't for a room. They are for my new computer monitor.

'The surprised clerk replies, 'But Miss, computers do not need curtains!'

The blonde says, 'Hellllooooooooo ... I've got Windoooooow s.......