Todays Blonde Joke...... - Page 39

LAWRENCE · 03-27-2009, 11:21 AM

A blonde gets home early from shopping and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. She rushes upstairs to find her husband naked on the bed, sweating and panting.

'What's up?' she asks.

'I'm having a heart attack,' cries the husband.

The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she's dialing, her four-year-old son comes up and says, 'Mommy! Mommy! Aunt Susan is hiding in your closet, and she's got no clothes on!'

The blonde slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bed room, right past her husband, and rips open the closet door. Sure enough, there is her sister, totally naked and cowering on the closet floor.

'You rotten bitch,' she screams. 'My husband's having a heart attack, and you're running around naked scaring the kids!'

LAWRENCE · 03-27-2009, 07:31 PM

A Blonde goes over to her friend's house wearing a
T.G.I.F. tee-shirt.
"Why are you wearing a Thank God it's Friday
tee-shirt on Monday?"
"Oh shit!" the blonde says,
"I thought it meant Tits Go In Front."

LAWRENCE · 03-31-2009, 10:03 AM

Why did the blonde climb the chain link fence?
So she could see what was on the other side.

What does a blonde say when she finds out she is pregnant?
"Boy, I hope it's mine!"

How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
She fell out of the tree.

How did the blonde die drinking milk?
The cow stepped on her.

LAWRENCE · 04-01-2009, 09:05 PM

A man went to a bar and ordered a drink. A few minutes,
A beautiful blonde sat down next to him and started coming on
To him. Soon she invited him back to her place. Overcome
With excitement, agreed. When they got to the
Bedroom, exclaimed "Wow! A waterbed, I've never had
Sex on a waterbed before."

Soon they were both naked and going at it. The blonde
Stopped him and said, "Before we go any further, don't you
Think you should put on some protection?"

"Good idea." he responded, and got up. A man walked
Out of the room, and when he came back, he was wearing a
Life preserver."

**squirt** · 04-02-2009, 11:46 PM

A man is sitting on a train across from a Busty blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt. Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs. To his delight, he realizes she has gone without underwear.

The blonde realizes he is staring and inquires, "Are you looking at my pussy?"

"Yes, I'm sorry," replies the man and promises to avert his eyes.

"It's quite alright," replies the woman, "It's very talented; watch this, I'll make it blow a kiss to you."

Sure enough the pussy blows him a kiss.

The man, who is completely absorbed, inquires what else the wonder pussy can do.

"I can also make it wink," says the woman.

The man stares in amazement as the pussy winks at him.

"Come and sit next to me," suggests the woman, patting the seat. The man moves over and is asked, "Would you like to stick a couple of fingers in?"

Stunned, the man replies, "Good grief! Can it whistle too?!"

LAWRENCE · 04-03-2009, 04:02 PM

After several unsuccessful advances, the bachelor asked his blonde
and alluring but standoffish date "Do you shrink from making love?"
"If I did," she sighed, "I'd be a midget."

LAWRENCE · 04-03-2009, 04:04 PM

A stunning blonde had gone to her student advisor for some course
problems, but seemed to be paying only half attention to his
replies. "Are you feeling OK?" he asked. "Well, to be honest, I have
this compulsion to have sex with every man I meet," she admitted.
"Is there a name for my condition?" "Why yes, there is," he said, as
he picked her up and began carrying her to the couch. "It's called
'Good News'."

**squirt** · 04-04-2009, 07:19 PM

A very well-built young blonde was lying on her psychiatrist' s couch telling him how frustrated she was since she always failed at everything she seemed to try. "I've tried to be a secretary and failed," she complained. "I tried to be an actress and failed. Then, I tried sales and I failed at that too." The doctor thought for a moment and then said, "It is important for everyone to live a full and meaningful life. Have you tried nursing?" She thought about his suggestion for a second, then opened her blouse and revealed one of her luscious breasts. Pointing it at the doctor, she said, "OK, I'll give it a try."

LAWRENCE · 04-05-2009, 04:35 AM

A Young Blonde woman had been taking golf lessons.
She had just started playing her first round of golf
When she suffered a bee sting.
Her pain was so intense that she decided to return
To the clubhouse for help and to complain.
Her golf pro saw her come into the clubhouse and
Asked, 'Why are you back in so early? What's wrong?'
'I was stung by a bee', she said.
'Where', he asked.
'Between the first and second hole', she replied.
He nodded knowingly and said,
'Then your stance is too wide.'

LAWRENCE · 04-06-2009, 09:55 PM

A very well-built young blonde was lying on her psychiatrist's couch
telling him how frustrated she was since she always failed at
everything she seemed to try. "I've tried to be a secretary and
failed," she complained. "I tried to be an actress and failed. Then,
I tried sales and I failed at that too." The doctor thought for a
moment and then said, "It is important for everyone to live a full and
meaningful life. Have you tried nursing?" She thought about his
suggestion for a second, then opened her blouse and revealed one of
her luscious breasts. Pointing it at the doctor, she said, "OK, I'll
give it a try."

03-27-2009, 11:21 AM	#381 (permalink)
LAWRENCE Senior Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: VANCOUVER ISLAND CANADA Posts: 8,117 Rep Power: 1914	A blonde gets home early from shopping and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. She rushes upstairs to find her husband naked on the bed, sweating and panting. 'What's up?' she asks. 'I'm having a heart attack,' cries the husband. The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she's dialing, her four-year-old son comes up and says, 'Mommy! Mommy! Aunt Susan is hiding in your closet, and she's got no clothes on!' The blonde slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bed room, right past her husband, and rips open the closet door. Sure enough, there is her sister, totally naked and cowering on the closet floor. 'You rotten bitch,' she screams. 'My husband's having a heart attack, and you're running around naked scaring the kids!' __________________ ******************

03-27-2009, 07:31 PM	#382 (permalink)
LAWRENCE Senior Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: VANCOUVER ISLAND CANADA Posts: 8,117 Rep Power: 1914	A Blonde goes over to her friend's house wearing a T.G.I.F. tee-shirt. "Why are you wearing a Thank God it's Friday tee-shirt on Monday?" "Oh shit!" the blonde says, "I thought it meant Tits Go In Front." __________________ ******************

03-31-2009, 10:03 AM	#383 (permalink)
LAWRENCE Senior Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: VANCOUVER ISLAND CANADA Posts: 8,117 Rep Power: 1914	Why did the blonde climb the chain link fence? So she could see what was on the other side. What does a blonde say when she finds out she is pregnant? "Boy, I hope it's mine!" How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? She fell out of the tree. How did the blonde die drinking milk? The cow stepped on her. __________________ ******************

04-01-2009, 09:05 PM	#384 (permalink)
LAWRENCE Senior Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: VANCOUVER ISLAND CANADA Posts: 8,117 Rep Power: 1914	A man went to a bar and ordered a drink. A few minutes, A beautiful blonde sat down next to him and started coming on To him. Soon she invited him back to her place. Overcome With excitement, agreed. When they got to the Bedroom, exclaimed "Wow! A waterbed, I've never had Sex on a waterbed before." Soon they were both naked and going at it. The blonde Stopped him and said, "Before we go any further, don't you Think you should put on some protection?" "Good idea." he responded, and got up. A man walked Out of the room, and when he came back, he was wearing a Life preserver." __________________ ******************

04-03-2009, 04:02 PM	#386 (permalink)
LAWRENCE Senior Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: VANCOUVER ISLAND CANADA Posts: 8,117 Rep Power: 1914	After several unsuccessful advances, the bachelor asked his blonde and alluring but standoffish date "Do you shrink from making love?" "If I did," she sighed, "I'd be a midget." __________________ ******************

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04-02-2009, 11:46 PM	#385 (permalink)
squirt Super Moderator Join Date: May 2004 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 355,993 Rep Power: 8572	A man is sitting on a train across from a Busty blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt. Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs. To his delight, he realizes she has gone without underwear. The blonde realizes he is staring and inquires, "Are you looking at my pussy?" "Yes, I'm sorry," replies the man and promises to avert his eyes. "It's quite alright," replies the woman, "It's very talented; watch this, I'll make it blow a kiss to you." Sure enough the pussy blows him a kiss. The man, who is completely absorbed, inquires what else the wonder pussy can do. "I can also make it wink," says the woman. The man stares in amazement as the pussy winks at him. "Come and sit next to me," suggests the woman, patting the seat. The man moves over and is asked, "Would you like to stick a couple of fingers in?" Stunned, the man replies, "Good grief! Can it whistle too?!"

04-03-2009, 04:04 PM	#387 (permalink)
LAWRENCE Senior Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: VANCOUVER ISLAND CANADA Posts: 8,117 Rep Power: 1914	A stunning blonde had gone to her student advisor for some course problems, but seemed to be paying only half attention to his replies. "Are you feeling OK?" he asked. "Well, to be honest, I have this compulsion to have sex with every man I meet," she admitted. "Is there a name for my condition?" "Why yes, there is," he said, as he picked her up and began carrying her to the couch. "It's called 'Good News'." __________________ ******************

04-04-2009, 07:19 PM	#388 (permalink)
squirt Super Moderator Join Date: May 2004 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 355,993 Rep Power: 8572	A very well-built young blonde was lying on her psychiatrist' s couch telling him how frustrated she was since she always failed at everything she seemed to try. "I've tried to be a secretary and failed," she complained. "I tried to be an actress and failed. Then, I tried sales and I failed at that too." The doctor thought for a moment and then said, "It is important for everyone to live a full and meaningful life. Have you tried nursing?" She thought about his suggestion for a second, then opened her blouse and revealed one of her luscious breasts. Pointing it at the doctor, she said, "OK, I'll give it a try."

04-05-2009, 04:35 AM	#389 (permalink)
LAWRENCE Senior Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: VANCOUVER ISLAND CANADA Posts: 8,117 Rep Power: 1914	A Young Blonde woman had been taking golf lessons. She had just started playing her first round of golf When she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return To the clubhouse for help and to complain. Her golf pro saw her come into the clubhouse and Asked, 'Why are you back in so early? What's wrong?' 'I was stung by a bee', she said. 'Where', he asked. 'Between the first and second hole', she replied. He nodded knowingly and said, 'Then your stance is too wide.' __________________ ******************

04-06-2009, 09:55 PM	#390 (permalink)
LAWRENCE Senior Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: VANCOUVER ISLAND CANADA Posts: 8,117 Rep Power: 1914	A very well-built young blonde was lying on her psychiatrist's couch telling him how frustrated she was since she always failed at everything she seemed to try. "I've tried to be a secretary and failed," she complained. "I tried to be an actress and failed. Then, I tried sales and I failed at that too." The doctor thought for a moment and then said, "It is important for everyone to live a full and meaningful life. Have you tried nursing?" She thought about his suggestion for a second, then opened her blouse and revealed one of her luscious breasts. Pointing it at the doctor, she said, "OK, I'll give it a try." __________________ ******************