Todays Blonde Joke......

[LAWRENCE]

blonde went to her doctor and said,
"You prescribed birth control pills for me."
"And how is it going?" he asked.
"Okay, I think, but I'd like to have them bigger."
The doctor was surprised. "You mean stronger?"
"No, bigger, please"
"But why BIGGER?"
"Because they keep falling out."

[hortysir]

I'll catch 'em for ya, and you damned sure won't have to worry about getting pregnant

[LAWRENCE]

A married couple was asleep when the telephone rang at two in the morning. The wife, a blonde, picked up the telephone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.
The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know; some woman wanting to know 'if the coast is clear.'"

[LAWRENCE]

A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never
been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense. As soon
asshe boarded the plane, a Boeing747, she started jumping in excitement,
running over seat to seat and starts shouting, "BOEING! BOEING!!
BOEING!!! BO....."

She sort of forgets where she is, even the pilot in the cockpit hears
the noise. Annoyed by the goings on, the Pilot comes out and
shouts "BE SILENT!"

There was pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody is looking at the
blonde and the angry Pilot. She stared at the pilot in silence for a
moment, concentrated really hard, and all of a sudden started
shouting, "OEING! OEING! OEING! OE...."

[LAWRENCE]

One night a blonde nun was praying in her room when God appeared
before her.

God said: "My daughter, you have pleased me greatly. Your heart is
full of love for your fellow creatures and your actions and prayers
are always for the benefit of others. I have come to you, not only
to thank and commend you, but to grant you anything you wish" .

"Dear Heavenly Father, I am perfectly happy. I am a bride of
Christ. I am doing what I love. I lack for nothing material since
the Church supports me. I am content in all ways," said the nun.

"There must be something you would have of me," said God.

"Well there is one thing" she said.

"Just name it," said God.

"It's those blond jokes. They are so demeaning to blondes
everywhere, not just to me. I would like for blond jokes to stop."

"Consider it done," said God. "Blond jokes shall be stricken from
the minds of humans everywhere. But surely isn't there something
that I could do just for you," asked God.

"There is one thing. But it's really small, and not worth your time,"
said the nun.

"Name it, please," said God.

"It's the M&M's," said the nun. "They're so hard to peel."

[brilor]

A blonde, brunette and a redhead were all in a swimming race. They were supposed to swim the English Channel.

A group of spectators anxiously awaited the three women at the finish line. The brunette came in first, then the redhead a little later. They waited hours for the blonde to show up. When she finally did, they asked her what had taken her so long.

The blonde was very upset as she screamed, "This was supposed to be a breast stroke race, and those girls were using their arms!!!"

[Seti]

[squirt]

The young blonde woman had just received her drivers temps after taking the written test for the umpteenth time (she was 26). She was driving home on the Interstate when her can suddenly experienced total electrical failure. She managed to get pulled off the to the side of the road but she was stuck. Nothing worked. What's worse, its raining.

She gets into the back seat where there is more room and takes off everything and puts her raincoat and shoes back on. She then proceeds to stand just behind her car and fling open her coat as each car passes. Naturally, it doesn't take long before there is a big wreck. The Highway Patrol officer who shows up sees what is happening and is furious.

"What do you mean exposing yourself like that!?," he damnds. "Can't you see what was happening?"

The blonde, in tears, replies "I'm sorry. I didn't know what else to do. Everything died on my car and the law says that if you pull off to the side of the road you have to put your flashers on, but they wouldn't work, so I had to be the emergency flasher. Please don't take my licence away!"

[LAWRENCE]

When asked by their host if she would like another
drink, the attractive blonde bowed her head slightly
and said, "No thank you. My husband limits me to one
drink."
"Why is that," the host asked?
Her reply... "Because after one drink I can feel it;
after two drinks ...anyone can!"

[Kryten]

A Blonde's Message
A blonde went into a world wide message center to send a message to her mother overseas. When the man told her it would cost $300 she exclaimed, "I don't have that kind of money!! But I would do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother in Poland!"
The man arched an eyebrow. "Anything?"
"Yes, anything" the blonde promised.
With that, the man said, "Follow me" He walked into the next room and ordered, "Come in and close the door" She did.
He then said, "Get on your knees" She did.
Then he said, "Take down my zipper" She did.
He said, "Go ahead...take it out" She took it out and grabbed hold of it with both hands. The man closed his eyes and whispered, "Well... go ahead!"
The blonde slowly brought her lips closer, and while holding it close to her lips she said loudly "HELLO.....MOM, can you hear me???