Todays Blonde Joke......

[Marky_D_Sahdd]

Originally Posted by Seti

I always get in trouble for driving while using a blonde as my laptop.

[Huggies]

BLONDE LOGIC Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?" The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????" CAR TROUBLE A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburettor" She asks, "How often do I have to do that?" SPEEDING TICKET A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!" RIVER WALK There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank.. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?" The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side." AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. "Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me." The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream. The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you? "Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde." "I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken." KNITTING A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!" "NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!" BLONDE ON THE SUN A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the moon!" The Blonde said, "So wh at? We're going to be the first on the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!" FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES! A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?" "HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"

[brilor]

She was awake, so he examined her.
"You'll be fine," he said.

She asked,

"How long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again
doctor?"

The surgeon seemed to pause, which alarmed the girl.

"What's the matter Doctor? I will be all right, won't I?"

He replied, "Yes, you'll be fine.

It's just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils
out."

[Seti]

A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blonde.

The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.

Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, 'It's golf balls'.


Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, deeply thinking about what he had said.

After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked;


'Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?'

[LAWRENCE]

A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum
deodorant.
The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that, they don't
sell rectum deodorant and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures the
pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a
regular basis and would like some more.
'I'm sorry,' says the pharmacist, 'We don't have any.' 'But, I always
buy it here,' says the blonde. 'Do you have the container that it came
in?' asks the pharmacist.
'Yes,' said the blonde , 'I'll go home and get it.' She returns with the
container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to
her, 'This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant.'
Annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from
the container ....
'TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM.

[squirt]

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it, then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?" To which she replied, "There certainly is My stupid computer keeps saying, 'YOU'VE GOT MAIL'!!!"

[LAWRENCE]

This one blonde decided to commit suicide.
So, she thought being hit by a train is not that
bad. She lay with her legs spread over the railway line.
The next day in the paper, it read,
Train disappeared, reward offered"

[LAWRENCE]

Blonde Inventions
******************

1. The water-proof towel
2. Solar powered flashlight
3. Submarine screen door
4. A book on how to read
5. Inflatable dart board
6. A dictionary index
7. Ejector seat in a helicopter
8. Powdered water
9. Pedal-powered wheel chair
10. Water-proof tea bag

[hortysir]

Welcome back, Lawrence

[Bamber]

Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie?

They had gone to see "Closed for the Winter."