Todays Blonde Joke......

[squirt]

The Surgery Patient

A surgeon went to check on his blonde patient after an operation. She was awake, so he examined her.

"You'll be fine," he said.

She asked, "How long will it be before I am able To have a normal sex life again doctor?"

The doctor seemed to pause ... which alarmed the woman.

"What's the matter doctor?! I will be all right, won't I?!"

He replied, "Yes, you'll be fine. It's just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils removed!"

[squirt]

The other day my neighbor, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway jumping for joy! I didn't know why she was jumping so excitedly but I thought, 'what the heck', and I starting jumping up and down along with her.

She said, 'I have some really great news!'

I said, 'Great. Tell me why you're so happy.'

She stopped jumping and breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, told me that she was pregnant. I knew she'd been trying for a while so I told her, 'That's great I couldn't be happier for you!'

Then she said, 'There's more?’

I asked, 'What do you mean there's more?'

She said, 'Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have TWINS!'

Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew. She said ...

'Well, that was the easy part. I went to Sam's Club and they actually had a home pregnancy kit in a TWIN-pack. Both tests came out positive!'

[hortysir]

[squirt]

[LAWRENCE]

A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for some rectum deodorant. The pharmacist explains to the woman they don’t sell rectum deodorant… and that in fact he’s never heard of it before.
The blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store for years and needs some more.
“I’m sorry”, says the pharmacist, “we don’t have any.”
“But I always get it here,” says the blonde.
“Do you have the container it comes in?” asks the pharmacist.
“Yes!” said the blonde, “I’ll go home and get it.”
She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to her, “This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant.”
Annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container: “To apply, push up bottom.”

[squirt]

[LAWRENCE]

Did you hear about the blonde who:

1) had more on her body than on her mind?

2) was called "Sanka" because she had no active ingredient in the bean?

3) took an hour to cook Minute Rice?

4) got into the taxi, and the driver kept the "Vacant" sign up?

5) was an M.D.: Mentally Deficient?

6) had a terrific stairway, but nothing upstairs?

7) thought nitrates was cheaper than day rates?

8) was told she was a silly puss, but insisted that she didn't have a
crazy cat?

9) after watching the ballerinas, wondered why they didnt get taller
girls?

10) went to a nudist camp for a game of strip poker?

11) brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?

12) thought Moby Dick was a venereal disease?

13) thought that a sanitary belt was a shot from a clean whiskey glass?

14) thought that intercourse was a state highway?

[konifur2]

15) thought fuck all was a stately home.
16) thought sherlock holmes was a block of apartments

[LAWRENCE]

There's a blonde driving on a highway next to a cornfield. She
sees another blonde rowing a rowboat in the cornfield next to her.
The blonde driver gets out and yells at the blonde in the corn
field, "You're the kind of blonde's that makes other blondes
look dumb. If I could swim out there to you, I'd kick your ass!"

[LAWRENCE]

A blonde goes to the drugstore to buy deodorant, and asks the
pharmacist what he recommended.
"How about the ball type?"
"No, this is for my boyfriend's armpits."