Todays Blonde Joke......

[LAWRENCE]

A young Blonde who had gotten into big trouble for misbehaving all day was
advised by her mother to ask the Lord to help her be a good girl.
The next day she came to her mother, looking downcast. "You heard me last
night when I asked God to help me be good today, didn't you?" she asked.
"Yes, dear, I did," said mother.
The girl lowered her voice and said, "Then why do you suppose He didn't do it!

[konifur2]

Originally Posted by LAWRENCE

A young Blonde, feeling morning dizziness and strange cravings, goes
to see a gynecologist.

After a thorough examination, the Doctor tells her:

"Well, my dear, I am puzzled; the test shows that you are pregnant,
but when I examined you, I found that you are still a virgin. I
mean, your hymen is not ruptured, except for seven tiny holes, a
little more that pinpricks, actually.... by the way, what did you
say your name was?"

"My name is Snow White", replies the girl.

i wonder is she drinks 7up.

[Huggies]

The Pregnant Blond!!

The other day my neighbor, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway jumping for joy! I didn't know why she was jumping so excitedly but I thought, 'what the heck', and I starting jumping up and down along with her. She said, 'I have some really great news!' I said, 'Great. Tell me why you're so happy.' She stopped jumping and breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, told me that she was pregnant. I knew she'd been trying for a while so I told her, 'That's great I couldn't be happier for you!' Then she said, 'There's more' I asked, What do you mean there's more. She said, 'Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have TWINS!' Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew. She said.... * 'Well, that was the easy part... I went to Sam's Club and they actually had a home pregnancy kit in a TWIN-pack. Both tests came out positive!'

[hortysir]

Blonde had on a pair of sneakers and scrawled in black magic marker on each one was, "TGIF"
When asked why she responded that it stood for "Toes Go In First"

[Spider's Gal]

A Blonde drops off a shirt at the cleaners.

The Asian lady behind the counter thanks her, and says "Come Again".

The Blonde says
"No, it's toothpaste this time you nosey b*tch"

[TakinMyLyfeBack]

Q: What do you call an eternity?
A: Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.

Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First.

Q: What do SMART Blondes and UFOs have in common?
A: You always hear about them but never see them.

Q: Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms?
A: They think their picture is being taken.

[Spider's Gal]

Hey!!! I resemble those remarks ROFL

Originally Posted by tha 1&only MsyRoss

Q: What do you call an eternity?
A: Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.

Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First.

Q: What do SMART Blondes and UFOs have in common?
A: You always hear about them but never see them.

Q: Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms?
A: They think their picture is being taken.

[Huggies]

Leaving The Office Early...

Three girls all worked in the same office with the same female boss.
Each day, they noticed the boss left work early.
One day the girls decided that, when the boss left, they would leave
right behind her. After all, she never called or came back to work,so
how would she know they went home early?
The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening,
spent playtime with her son, and went to bed early.

The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa
before meeting a dinner date.

The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband, but
when she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside.

Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see
her husband in bed with her lady boss! Gently, she closed the door and
crept out of her house.
The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead planned to
leave early again, and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with
them.
"No way," the blonde exclaimed. "I almost got caught yesterday."

[Seti]

Just Released - new inventions by Blondes!

-- The water-proof towel

-- Glow in the dark sunglasses

-- Solar powered flashlights

-- Submarine screen doors

-- A book on how to read

-- Inflatable dart boards

-- A dictionary index

-- Mechanical Pencil sharpeners

-- Powdered water

-- Pedal-powered wheel chairs

-- Waterproof tea bags

-- Watermelon seed sorter

-- Zero proof alcohol

-- Reusable ice cubes

-- See-through toilet tissue

-- Skinless bananas

-- Do-it-yourself road map

-- Turnip ice cream

-- Toe implants

-- An all white flag

-- Rolls Royce pickup truck

-- Helicopter Ejector Seat

I particularly like the last one

[Spider's Gal]

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders she would need were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porche, it's a Ferrari."