Todays Blonde Joke......

[Huggies]

BLONDE ON THE SUN A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the moon!" The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"


IN A VACUUM A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

[hortysir]

Originally Posted by Huggies

SPEEDING TICKET A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

RIVER WALK There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?" The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."

.....I'll turn on my flashlight and you can walk across the beam of light



Do you think I'm stupid??!! i'll get 1/2 way across, and you'll turn off the light!!!

[Pixsurguy]

The other day my neighbor, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway jumping for joy!

I didn't know why she was jumping so excitedly but I thought, 'what the heck', and I starting jumping up and down along with her.


She said, 'I have some really great news!'

I said, 'Great. Tell me why you're so happy.'

She stopped jumping and, breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, told me that she was pregnant.

I knew she'd been trying for a while so I told her,

'That's great I couldn't be happier for you!'

Then she said, 'There's more'

I asked, What do you mean there's more.

She said, 'Well, we are not having just one baby..

We are going to have TWINS!'

Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant,

I asked her how she knew. She said . . . . . (You're going to love this!)

'Well, that was the easy part. I went to Sam's Club and they actually had a home pregnancy kit in a TWIN-pack.

Both tests came out positive!

[konifur2]

A blond city girl named Amy marries a Colorado rancher.

One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to
Amy,

'The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows
today, so I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just above where the cow's
stall is in the barn. Please show him where the cow is when he gets
here, OK?'
The rancher leaves for the fields. After a while, the artificial
insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door.

Amy takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and
when Amy sees the nail, she tells him, 'This is the one right here.'

The man, assuming he is dealing with an air head blond, asks, 'Tell me
lady, 'cause I'm dying to know; how would YOU know that this is the
right cow to be bred?'

'That's simple," she said. "By the nail that's over its stall,' she
explains very confidently.

Laughing rudely at her, the man says, 'And what, pray tell, is the
nail for?'

The blond turns to walk away and says sweetly over her shoulder,

'I guess it's to hang your pants on.'

[brilor]

[Huggies]

One hot summer day, a blonde came to town with her dog, tied it under the shade of a tree and headed into a restaurant for something cold to drink.

Twenty minutes later, a policeman entered the restaurant and asked, 'Who owns the dog tied under that tree outside?'

The blonde said it was hers.

'Your dog seems to be in heat,' the officer said.

The blonde replied, 'No way. She's cool 'cause she's tied up under that shade tree.'

The policeman said, 'No! You don't understand. Your dog needs to be bred.'

'No way,' said the blonde. 'My dog doesn't need bread. She isn't hungry 'cause I fed her this mornin.'

The exasperated policeman said, 'NO! You don't understand. Your dog wants to have sex!'

You gotta love this......




The blonde looked at the cop and said, 'Well, go ahead. I always wanted a police dog.'

[brilor]

A blonde was driving her car one day, when she ran into a hailstorm. The hail stones were very large and made a lot of dents in the roof of her car. After the hail stopped, she went to a gas station and asked the attendant what she could do to get the dents out of her car.

The attendant, being a smart-ass, told her: "Blow real hard into the exhaust pipe, and that should push out the dents."



When the blonde got home, not knowing any better, she did just that. While she was down on her hands and knees with her lips wrapped around her car's tailpipe, huffing and puffing trying to blow the dents out, her roommate-also a blonde-came home.



Her roommate of course asked her what the heck she was doing.



The first blonde told her how the guy at the gas station said this was how she could get the dents out.



The second blonde thought about it for a moment, then said: "Like, uh, you have to roll-up the windows first."

[brilor]

A blonde woman walks into a store. Curious about a shiny object, she asks, "What is that?"

The store clerk responds, "It's a thermos."



The blonde then asks, "What does it do?"



The clerk says "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." So she buys one.



The next day, she brings it to work with her. Her boss, also a blond, asks, "What is that shiny object?"



She replies "It's a thermos."



He asks, "What does it do?"



She says, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."



He then asks, "What do you have in there?"



"Two cups of coffee and a popsicle."