Holiday buffets - a primer

[Pixsurguy]

NO !! This is not late for Christmas 2008. It is early for Christmas 2009. Enjoy

HOLIDAY BUFFET TABLES
(a primer)

As the holidays begin, I wanted to pass these tips along to you. Enjoy the spirit of the festivities.

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare.. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. if something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. as for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies or pralines in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you ca n ;before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have mo re than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you le ave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by:


"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

Have a great holiday season

[squirt]

does anybody actually EAT fruitcake? lol I thought there was just a handful that get regifted every year lol

[Pixsurguy]

Originally Posted by squirt

does anybody actually EAT fruitcake? lol I thought there was just a handful that get regifted every year lol

I would say that normal people probably don't eat it. However, when I was in the army if we were out on a winter multi-day field exercise, we'd get C Rations and there would often be a small can with fruitcake in it. Actually, it was pretty good under those circumstances.

[squirt]

Originally Posted by Pixsurguy

I would say that normal people probably don't eat it. However, when I was in the army if we were out on a winter multi-day field exercise, we'd get C Rations and there would often be a small can with fruitcake in it. Actually, it was pretty good under those circumstances.

so that's what they did with it lol bless ya'lls hearts! lol

[stevent222]

C Rations??? is that like Rat Rations? LOL! Thats what we used to call them. HA!