There too long... feel free to add locations

[Bamber]

SIGNS YOU’VE BEEN IN LONDON TOO LONG
1. You say ‘mate’ constantly.
2. You think it is perfectly normal to pay over £3 for a pint.
3. Anyone not from London is a ‘wanker’.
4. Anyone from outside London and north of the Watford Gap is a ‘Northern Wanker’.
5. You have no idea where the North is.
6. You see All Saints in the Met Bar (again) and find it hard to get excited about it.
7. The countryside makes you nervous.
8. Somebody speaks to you on the tube and you freak out thinking they are a stalker.
9. American tourists no longer annoy you.
10. You talk in postcodes. “God, it was really warm round SW1 the other day.”
11. You can’t remember the last time you got up to 30 mph in your car in the city.
12. You didn’t realise that ‘Paddington Green’ is REAL.

SIGNS YOU’VE BEEN IN MANCHESTER TOO LONG
1. You go mad when somebody who is not from Manchester says ‘mad fer it’. “Nobody says that EVER!” you scream.
2. You say ‘mad fer it’ when back in Manchester.
3. You think fisherman’s hats are attractive.
4. You support Man City out of principle.
5. You see Coronation Street stars all the time and think nothing of it.
6. You think Londoners are ’soft southern wankers’… until they kick your head in at a footie match.
7. You get a freckle and consider yourself ’suntanned’.
8. You deny that it rains all the time… as you struggle home with the shopping in yet another torrential downpour.
9. You won’t pay more than £1.50 for a wrap of skag.
10. People start yawning when you talk about how great Manchester is.

SIGNS YOU’VE BEEN IN LIVERPOOL TOO LONG
1. You have an urge to steal.
2. You think Brookside is a ‘glamorous’ soap.
3. You think Hollyoaks is ‘posh’.
4. You keep going on about how great Liverpool and Scousers are.
5. You often wonder why so many Scousers leave Liverpool and never come back.
6. To you, organised crime is putting petrol in the getaway car.
7. You start to cry when you hear ‘Ferry cross the Mersey’.
8. You think that Albert Dock is ‘for the tourists’. What tourists?
9. You think anyone from Liverpool has a great sense of humour.
10. You often wonder why you don’t hear of many Scouse comedians any more.

SIGNS YOU’VE BEEN IN GLASGOW TOO LONG
1. You say ‘pish’ all the time.
2. You say ‘aye’ all the time.
3. You end sentences with ‘like’ i.e. “I’m no goin’ there, like.”
4. You think McEwans beer is great, ignoring the fact it “tastes of pish, like.”
5. You get an urge to punch everybody you meet.
6. You punch everybody you meet.
7. You get drunk before, after and during punching everybody you meet.
8. You are incomprehensible.
9. People seem to be scared of you when you say where you are from.
10. You automatically get the urge to kill on hearing the words ‘Edinburgh’ or ‘England’.
11. You have heart disease aged 26 due to all deep-fried pizzas you have consumed since birth.

SIGNS YOU’VE BEEN IN LEEDS TOO LONG
1. You are unaware of any other club culture except Leeds.
2. You get secretly excited when people say Leeds is the new big thing.
3. You fool yourself into thinking you can afford to shop at Harvey Nicks by going to the restaurant and ordering a water- and taking five hours to drink it.
4. Ladies: you dress like a tart out of Ibiza Uncovered for a night out.
5. Gents: you act like a wanker from Ibiza Uncovered for a night out.
6. You’ll go into a designer shop at the start of the new season and ask how much something will be in the end of season sale.
7. You go around Harvey Nicks to see what’s in fashion, then run over to TopShop and buy something similar - and then lie about where you got it from.
8. You see Leeds United players beating someone up/shagging a blonde in Majestyk and don’t think anything of it.
9. You think Londoners are ponces and that London is ‘crap’, but you’ve never been as you can’t afford the fare, and mum won’t let you borrow the mini.
10. You hate students - even though you are one.
11. Leeds is the centre of your universe - you can’t ever imagine leaving. Until you leave, then you can’t ever imagine going back.

SIGNS YOU’VE BEEN IN DUBLIN TOO LONG
1. You drink Guinness as if it is a sixth food group.
2. You disagreed with 1… Guinness is the FIRST food group.
2. You’re pale and white… yet compared to others your suntan looks good.
3. You say “I’m grand” all the time.
5. You say “Are you grand?” all the time.
6. You say “Isn’t it grand” all the time.
7. You say “That’d be grand” all the time.
8. You can pronounce names like Eoghan, Niamh and Siobhan.
9. You take 4 hours to get home on a Saturday night and think nothing of it.
10. You don’t eat anything cold, uncooked or not resembling meat, bread or potatoes
11. You say “Your man” all the time.
12. You say “Your woman” all the time.
13. You say “It’s grand that your man asked if I’m grand” all the time.
14. You find yourself still living with family and having dinners cooked for you by someone’s mammy - at 30.
15. You talk about ‘dinners’ and ‘mammys’.

[squirt]

Top Ten Signs You've Been Indoors Too Long

10) Cleaning the moldy food out of the refrigerator gives you that "back to nature feeling."

9) Your sunscreen expiration date is older than you

8) You yell "Front!" and "Hard left!" when you take a shower

7) You can actually smell the fresh, clean mountain air from your computer screen when surfing for images of the National Parks

6) You have to acclimate after climbing the first two flights of stairs

5) You consider the squirrels outside your window exotic wildlife

4) You wake up one morning and realize that some time during last night's thunderstorm you got up and staked down the bedsheets

3) That tent you've pitched in the living room? You move it every couple of days so the carpet doesn't get too matted down

2) You suddenly realized that for the last five days the only thing you've brought to work for lunch is trail mix and beef jerky

1) The dining room set begins to look like REALLY good kindling

[stevent222]

Top Ten Signs You’ve Been in the Environmental Field Too Long

10. You know that HazWoper is not a candy.

9. You pass a drill rig on the highway and beep because you know the driver.

8. You feel guilty about getting your clothes dry-cleaned.

7. You know that Tyvek is not a character on Star Trek.

6. You can't leave a gas station without having a final count on the number of monitoring wells on the property.

5. You talk openly about your experiences with LUST.

4. You've become an expert at deciphering acronyms.

3. You know that a split spoon is not an eating utensil.

2. You never go on a road trip without your little orange DOT North American Emergency Response Guidebook

And, the number-one reason you know you've been in the environmental field too long is.................

1. You find you're a contestant on the new hit game show Who Wants to Be a Parts Per Millionaire?

[stevent222]

You think the last words to
The Star Spangled Banner are
"Gentlemen, start your engines."

You think Sherlock Holmes is a
housing project down in Biloxi.

You think a stock tip is
advice on worming' your hogs.

You've been married three times
and still have the same in-laws.

You think TACO BELL is
the Mexican Phone Company

Your state's got a new law that says
when a couple get divorced,
they are still legally brother and sister.

Your house still has the
"WIDE LOAD"
sign on the back.

You got stopped by a state trooper.
He asked you if you had an I.D.
And you said, 'Bout What?'

Non
Athletic
Sport
Created
Around
Rednecks

You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.

Your sister is the third generation
of women in your family to conceive
a baby as a result of an alien abduction.

If you can burp
and say your name at the same time,
you're shur'nuff a redneck.

You think Possum is
"The Other White Meat"

You carried a fishing pole into Sea World.

You hooked up with your present girlfriend
as a result of a message on the wall of
the mens' room at the Flying J Truck Stop.

The centerpiece on your dining room table
is an original signed work
by a famous taxidermist.

You think a quarter horse is
a ride out in front of the Wal-Mart.

You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off it's wheels.

Your huntin dawg had a litter of puppies in the living room and nobody noticed.

You think safe sex is a padded headboard.

You think subdivision is part of a math problem.

You think there's nothin wrong with incest
as long as you keep it in the family.

You may be a Redneck if ...
You and your dog use the same tree.

You think God looks a lot like Hank Williams, Jr., and heaven looks a lot like Daytona Beach, Florida.

Your father executes the "pull my finger"
trick during Christmas dinner.

You believe dual air bags refer
to your wife and mother-in-law.

You've got more than
one brother named 'Darryl'.

You think the OJ Trial was a
Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.


THE TOP COUNTRY & WESTERN SONGS THIS WEEK

7. I Never Went To Bed With an Ugly Woman But I Woke Up With a Few.

6. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me.

5. Wouldn't Take Her To A Dogfight 'Cause She Might Win.

4. I'm So Miserable Without You It's Like You're Still Here.

3. She Took My Ring and Gave Me the Finger.

2. She's Lookin' Better with Every Beer.

And the Number One Country & Western song is...

It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed My Ass All Day


You were acquitted for murdering
your first wife after she threw
out your Elvis 8-tracks.

You think watching professional
wrestling is foreplay.

The people on Jerry Springer's show
remind you of your neighbors

Your front porch collapses
and four dogs git killed.

Your grandfather died and left everything to his widow.
But she can't touch it until she's fourteen.

Your kids take a siphon hose to "Show and Tell."

You've ever had to scratch your sisters
name out of a message that begins,
"For a good time time call..."

You know yer a redneck when you take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took

Your whole family is Democrats
'cept little Mary.
She lernt how to read.

You think fast food is hitting a possum at 65 mph.

If you're getting bored with this
Redneck Stuff, Check Out the

MEXICAN RIVERIA CRUISE PICTURES

You can get dog hair from out of your belly button.

You have a bumper sticker that says,
"MY MOTHER'S AN HONOR STUDENT
AT SOUTH LITTLE ROCK JR. HIGH."

You take a six-pack cooler to church.

Your family tree has no forks.

You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best picture.

You had to remove a toothpick
for your wedding pictures.

You use a weedeater in your living room.

You consider your license plate personalized because
your dad made it in prison.

You have a rag for a gas cap.

The blue book value of your truck goes up and down
depending on how much gas it has in it.

The third grade teacher says little Bubba
could be a mathematical genius
because he's got thirteen fingers.

Fifth grade was the best six years of your life.

You have to go outside to get
something out of the 'fridge.

A seven course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.

One of your kids was born on a pool table.

You have spray painted your
girlfriend's name on an overpass.

Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

Someone asks to see your ID and you
show them your belt buckle.

Your dad walks you to school because
you are both in the same grade.

Mailpouch sends you Christmas cards.

Down where you come from reruns of
Hee Haw are called documentaries.

Your house doesn't have curtains,
but your truck does.

You need one more hole punched in your card
to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

You have flowers planted in a
bathroom fixture in your front yard.

On your first date you had to ask your
Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.

You think the Mountain Men in Deliverance
were just "misunderstood".

If you refer to the fifth grade
as, "your senior year".

Three quarters of the clothes you
own have LOGOS on them.

The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.

Your `huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.

Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.

You've been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars.

You just bought an 8-track
player to put in your truck.

You've ever climbed a water tower
with a bucket of paint
to defend your sister's honor.

It's easier to spray weed killer
on your lawn than mow it.

You think the three primary colors are
John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray.

Your pickup has a two-tone paint job
-- primer red and primer gray.

Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart
'cause there is a law against it.

You've been on TV more than 5 times
describing the sound of a tornado.

Trashy Signs, Snappy One-Liners, & Office Mottos
Click Here

The beer can collection in the
town museum is the big tourist attraction.

You dated your daddy's current wife in high school.

Your aunt and your grandmother went to the funeral and had a fight over who gets to be the widow.

You can tell your age by the
number of rings in the bathtub.

You may be a redneck if you ever
used a toilet brush as a backscartcher.

You can change the oil in your truck
without ducking your head.

During your senior year you and
your mother had homeroom together.

You're a lite beer drinker 'cause you start drinkin beer when it gets light.

You think the stock market
has fence around it.

Your stereo speakers used to belong
to the Moonlight Drive-in Theater.

You own a homemade fur coat.

Your entire family has ever sat around
waiting for a call from the Governor
to spare a loved one.

Your wife has ever said,
"Come move this transmission
so I can take a bath."

You think loading the dishwasher
means getting your wife drunk.

YOU REFER TO THE TIME YOU WON
A FREE CASE OF MOTOR OIL AS
"THE DAY MY SHIP CAME IN."

The FBI surrounded your trailer park
twice so far this year.

You use a NASCAR credit card.

Your brother-in-law is your uncle
AND your grandfather.

you might be a redneck if....
Your parents met at a family reunion.

You believe that beef jerky and Moon Pies
are two of the major food groups.

You stare at an orange juice container
because it says, "CONCENTRATE".

YOUR IDEA OF HIGH-QUALITY ENTERTAINMENT
IS A SIX-PACK AND A BUG-ZAPPER.

You wonder how service stations
keep their restrooms so clean.

Anyone in your family died right
after saying, "Hey, y'all watch this!".

You couldn't learn to swim
because
your gene pool is too small.

Your wife's job requires her
to wear an orange vest.

You have the local taxidermist's
number on speed dial.

On Thanksgiving Day you have
to decide which pet to eat.

[arella]

Lol hadda look this up
wrap of skag

[mytime]

Bamber,

Your there too Long for various UK cities was great, do you happen to have any for York (I have several friends from the UK and they loved this one).

[essex boy]

You know you're from Essex when.....

You've been to Colchester Castle on a school trip.
You Christmas shop in Lakeside .
You stand behind Jodie Marsh in the supermarket.
You scream out Essex when you're drunk and just outside London when your sober.
You recognise that water is pronounced with a silent t.
You've heard every Essex girl joke under the sun and they still aren't funny.
You once thought that a train on a pier was cool.
You get a little excited when Eastender's ventures into Essex for one episode.
You know or know someone who knows someone who has been on Big Brother.
You know what Chelmo is short for.
The drink Lambrini is very familiar to you.
You overuse the word mate to complete strangers.
You say shut up a lot.
Peter Pan's playground was a highlight of your childhood.
People think you are posh because you don't have a tattoo.
You've been to a lot of different garden centres.
You go on holiday to kavos or the like and see the same people as home.
Even when abroad people laugh at you when you tell them where you're from.
You have to dress up as a chav and don't have to buy anything.
You go to the ogs ead at ornchurch..
You go out wearing a top that doesn't cover your belly...or belly button.
You commonly state that Bluewater is full of 'posh shops.'
You mix up 'are' and 'our'.
You use 'Mug' as an insult and not for describing a drinkin implement.
You pronounce Essex 'Essix'.
You say things like "My light don't work" or "I fink it's broke".
You pronounce Dagenham 'Dagnam'.
You know you're from essex when you say words like....

INIT- Isn't it.

EFTY - Considerable. "Ere, Trace, this credit card bill's a bit efty."

EJOG - A small, spiky animal (hedgehog).

FINGY - A person or object whose name doesn't come to mind. "I ad it off wiv fingy last ight."

FONG - Skimpy undergarment.

HAITCH - Letter of the alphabet between G and I.

ALRITE DARLING - Hello miss

LEVVA - Material made from the skin of an animal.

MA BLARCH - An arch near Hyde Park .

PACIFIC - Specific.

ROOFLESS - Without compassion.

SAWTED - Done, arranged, resolved.

WANNED UP - Tense. "I'm all wanned up at the moment."

WELFIE- Rich.

SAFF - South.

FARRRRRRK OOUFF - Go away!

...but we're still proud!

[Bamber]

Originally Posted by mytime

Bamber,

Your there too Long for various UK cities was great, do you happen to have any for York (I have several friends from the UK and they loved this one).

Sorry, that's all I've got - maybe someone from York should make that list!