Groaner thread (please add)

[konifur2]

copycat i just put that one on the page before this one lol

[squirt]

dang, tough crowd here! lol I'll fix it! lol I'll try to wake up lol

[squirt]

There are many stories related to the sinking of the "Titanic". Some have just come to light due to the success of the recent movie. For example, most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellman's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. The "Titanic" was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after New York City. The Mexican people were eagerly awaiting delivery and were disconsolate at the loss. So much so that they declared a national day of mourning which they still observe today.
It is known, of course, as: Sinko de Mayo

[konifur2]

what`s the difference between the titanic and a used condom?

the where both filled with thick seamen.

[Bamber]

I know the Brits will get this... not sure about other nationalities:

A man walks into a restaurant and orders squid.
"Mais Certainement monsieur," says John-Baptiste the smarmy waiter. "Would you laahk to choose your squeed from ze tank over there?"
"I'll have that little green one with the moustache." says the customer.
"Mais Non!" Exclaims the waiter. "But he's the Chef's Favvoreet! 'E eez so small an' cute and friendlee. Surely Monsuier would prefer one ze the bigger, tastier ones non?"
"No," says the customer. "It's got to be that one."
So the waiter gets the little green squid out and takes him to the chef - Jervaise - who puts him on the chopping block, raises his knife and... the little squid looks up and smiles, twitching his bushy moustache into a cute fluffy smile!
"It's no good," says Jervaise. "I can't do it. I'll have to ask Hans who does the washing up. He's a big, tough brute - he'll be able to do the evil deed."
Enter Hans: A massive bastard with tattoos all over his bare arms. Grunting, he takes the knife and pins down the wriggling squid while Jervaise bawls his eyes out in the corner of the kitchen.
Hans raises the knife to chop the little squid's head off and... once again the cute little squid looks up and smiles, wiggling his little tentacles and twitching his little 'tache. So Hans too finds it impossible to kill him.
Eventually the waiter is forced to go out to the customer and explain why he can't have that particular squid...

Well you see Monsuieur...

Ze Hans that does ze dishes is as soft as Jervaise with ze mild-green furry-lip squid.

[konifur2]

Groooooooooooooooooooooooooooan!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!

[Bamber]

Originally Posted by konifur2

Groooooooooooooooooooooooooooan!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!

I bet you use it, though!

[squirt]

After these groaners you might scream for Noah more

What did Noah say as he was loading the Ark? "Now I herd everything

"Why did the people on the ark think the horses were pessimistic? They kept saying neigh

What animal could Noah not trust? The cheetah

Why couldn't they play cards on the ark? Noah was sitting on the deck

Who was the first canning factory run by? Noah-he had a boat full of preserved pairs

Was Noah the first one out of the Ark? No, he came fourth out of the ark

[konifur2]

Originally Posted by Bamber

I bet you use it, though!

i did years ago, when the advert 1st come out lol.

[squirt]

Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. However, all the league records were unfortunately destroyed in a fire.
Thus we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled