Groaner thread (please add)

[Bamber]

The Pope was having a shower. Although he is very strict about the Celibacy
rules, he occasionally felt the need to exercise the right wrist, and this
was one of these occasions.

Just as he reached the Papal Climax, he saw a photographer taking a picture
of the holy seed flying through the air.

"Hold on a minute," said the Pope. "You can't do that. You'll destroy the
reputation of the Catholic Church."

"This picture is my lottery win," said the photographer, "I'll be
financially secure for life."

So, the Pope offered to buy the camera off the photographer, and after lots
of negotiation, they eventually arrived at a figure of two million dollars.


The Pope then dried himself off and headed off with his new camera.

He met his housekeeper, who spotted the camera.

"That looks like a really good camera," she said, "How much did it cost
you?"

"Two million dollars." replied the Pope.

"TWO MILLION DOLLARS!!!" said the housekeeper, "They must have seen you
coming!"

[konifur2]

the man with a glass penis can see himself cumming.

a girl with a glass vagina has a womb with a view.

mega groan.

[squirt]

*GROAN!!!* lol

[Bamber]

Stevie Wonder on his sell out tour of Japan - last stop Tokyo.
He's just finished playing his seventies classic Sir Duke.

The crowd is still going wild when a young man at the front says: "You, Stevie Wonder, you play a jazz chord. Play a Jazz chord."
So Stevie plays an F# minor on his keyboard and goes off on a jazz riff.

The Japanese lad says: "No, Stevie Wonder, you play a jazz chord." So Stevie tries an A and off he goes with the band on this amazing improvised moment.
When he's finished the lad shouts: "No, Stevie, a jazz chord, a jazz chord."

By now Stevie is a little confused. "What do you mean, play a jazz chord? I've just done two for you!" he says to the fan.

"But it best song of Stevie Wonder, it very famous..." comes the reply.

"OK, well how does it go then?" enquires the blind musical genius.

The young Japanese man clears his throat and starts to sing...

"A jazz chord... to say... a ruv you...
A jazz chord... to say how much a cared..."

[konifur2]

i have just been sacked.i had to work the wines and spirits section in the shop and this Asian man came up and asked me to recommend a good port so i said , "Dover... now piss off."

[Bamber]

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica ~ where do they go?

Wonder no more!!!

It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.

The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:



"freeze a jolly good fellow."

[Bamber]

Doctors in a small town in the Florida Panhandle have announced the birth, to a fifteen year old girl, of a bouncing baby boy. The infant, weighing 7 pounds 3 ounces was born with three knees. A left knee, right knee, and a weenee.

[squirt]

A team of doctors attended the delivery of quintuplets who were able to walk immediately after their umbilical cords were cut. The senior doctor was asked to explain this unusual occurrence. `I guess they had a lot of practice,’ he said.
`What do you mean, `practice’?’ asked a medical colleague. `They were just born.’
The doctor replied, `Well, it was standing womb only.’

[Bamber]

An alligator goes to the vet one afternoon. "What can I do ya for?" the veterinarian asks.

"Well doc," says the gator, "I haven't been my normal self for weeks. I used to be able to swim for hours and chase prey. Now, I can barely swim twenty feet and I haven't caught a single meal in days Everything seems off."

"I see... I see." said the veterinarian. "I think I've got a cure for you."
The vet disappears into the back of the clinic and comes back with a bottle of pills. He hands them to the alligator, who reads the perscription.

"Viagra?!?" the alligator yells, confused. "What the hell doc?"

The veterinarian replies, "Its obvious to me you're suffering from a reptile dysfunction."

[konifur2]

Originally Posted by Bamber

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica ~ where do they go?

Wonder no more!!!

It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.

The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:



"freeze a jolly good fellow."

how come i have never been hit on the head by a dead bird, surly of all those birds flying about at least one would go , flap flap flap flap has a heartattack. agggnnnn ahhhh and falls out the sky.but you never see this do you.