Mackem jokes

[konifur2]

Originally Posted by brilor

What about the Mackem that thought Sunderland were a good football team?

we have... we beat Leeds in the cup, didn`t we .

BTW i don`t know a lot about footy, i enjoy watching ladies beach volley ball.

[brilor]

Mackem died in a fire and was burnt pretty bad and the morgue needed someone to identify the body.

So his two best friends, Jim and Harry, were sent for. Jim went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet.

Jim said "Aye, he’s burnt pretty bad. Roll him over."

So the mortician rolled him over and Jim looked and said "Nah, it ain’t Mackem."

The mortician thought that was rather strange. Then he brought Harry to identify the body and Harry took a look at him and said Wahee, he’s burnt real bad, roll him over."

The mortician rolled him over and Harry looked down and said, "No, it ain’t Mackem." The mortician asked "How can you tell?"
Harry said, "Well, Mackem had two assholes."

What?, He had two assholes?" said the mortician..
"Yup, everyone in town knew he had two assholes. Every time we went to town, folks would say "Here comes
Mackem with them two assholes."

[konifur2]

[quote=brilorbrilor;28MackemMackem died in a fire and was burnt pretty bad and the morgue needed someone to identify the body.

So his two best friends, Jim and Harry, were sent for. Jim went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet.

Jim said "Aye, he’s burnt pretty bad. Roll him over."

So the mortician rolled him over and Jim looked and said "Naainit ainMackemMackem."

The mortician thought that was rather strange. Then he brought Harry to identify the body and Harry took a look at him aWaheeid Wahee, he’s burnt real bad, roll him over."

The mortician rolled him over and Harry looked down and said,aino, Mackemain’t Mackem." The mortician asked "How can you tell?"
Harry sMackemWell, Mackem had two assholes."

What?, He had two assholes?" said the mortician..
"Yup, everyone in town knew he had two assholes. Every time we went to town, folks would say "Mackemomes
Mackem with them two assholes."[/quote]

golly i wish i had two arseholes....double barreled farts.what!

[anna_hun]

[brilor]

Mackem in in the back seat of a car (a stolen one by the way) with his girlfriend. He is kissing her all over and she is groaning like the banshee she is. She then tells him that she wants to be kissed down where it smells.......... so he drove to the council rubbish tip!

[brilor]

A Scotsman an Italian and a Mackem were in an Irish pub one night, when the Scotsman says "At my local you buy the 1st drink and the 2nd drink, then they give you the 3rd drink free."

"That’s nothing" says the Italian "At home in my country, youa buya the 1st drink they buya you the 2nd drink and you gat a freea pasta meala!"

The Mackem looks up and says "That’s nothing in Sunderland they buy you the 1st drink and the second drink and the 3rd then they take you down the alleyway and give you a damn good fuck!"

"Wow" say the Scotsman and the Italian "Has this happend to you ?" "No" says the Mackem, "but that’s what my sister says"

[konifur2]

Originally Posted by brilor

A Scotsman an Italian and a Mackem were in an Irish pub one night, when the Scotsman says "At my local you buy the 1st drink and the 2nd drink, then they give you the 3rd drink free."

"That’s nothing" says the Italian "At home in my country, youa buya the 1st drink they buya you the 2nd drink and you gat a freea pasta meala!"

The Mackem looks up and says "That’s nothing in Sunderland they buy you the 1st drink and the second drink and the 3rd then they take you down the alleyway and give you a damn good fuck!"

"Wow" say the Scotsman and the Italian "Has this happend to you ?" "No" says the Mackem, "but that’s what my sister says"

at least the mackems have respect for their women and don`t just leave them in the back lane when they are spent,like the scots do ...they carry them home like a six pack.

[brilor]

Miss Mackem went to her gynaecologist for a medical.
He asked her how long since she last had a check up!
She replied," Well in the last few weeks I've had Poles, Latvians, Germans, Estonians but no Czechs"!

[brilor]

A Mackem wins the lottery and goes to claim his winnings.

Congratulating him they tell him they will have to pay him the millions in 3 weekly instalments.

With that Mackem replies if your gonna fuck me about I’ll have me quid back.

[brilor]

Mackem takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night. She undresses and lies on the bed spreadeagled and says "You know what I want don’t you?"

"Yeah," says Mackem. "By the looks of it the whole fukkin bed !"